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Give me your thoughts on this FWB situation ?


discobiscuit

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Hey Everyone

 

I've got myself into a situation and I'm really struggling with it. I will apologise now as this post will be very long.

 

I'm a 34 year old F and KT is a 28 year old M.

 

I met KT through his Dad a few years ago, we've seen each other around a lot, but we never really spent any time together or got to know each other.

 

He added me on Facebook, and started commenting on a lot of my posts, and liking my profile pictures. I didn't really think much of it, or engage with him, although I did respond to his comments and found him witty and fun.

 

I became involved with a guy and that finished in March of this year. It was a horrible ending and I deactivated my Facebook because I couldn't cope with seeing him. Before I deactivated I realised I would really miss hearing from KT. I messaged him from a spoof profile I have and gave him my number. Long story short, he supported me through a really bad time, and we became real friends. We didn't spend much face to face time together but we spoke on the internet or by text a lot.

 

In June, things started getting a bit flirty, which then turned into the two of us sleeping together a couple of times, and there was an instant spark there. He never just left afterwards, he'd always make us a cup of tea, we'd talk about life, and one time he gave me a bracelet which has quite a special meaning to him.

 

Then he went away for six weeks travelling. He kept in touch with me the whole time, sometimes just to tell me what he was up to, sometimes because he wanted to have a bit of intimate chat.

 

He came back a few weeks ago, and picked me up before he'd even been home, and we went away in his camper van overnight. He took me to a place I love, paid for everything, cooked for me then I stayed over and obviously we got intimate.

 

When he dropped me off he told me he was going travelling for another month, but that he'd see me at a music festival we both went to, and that he'd be free mid to late September again.

 

During all of this he continued to keep in touch with me most days, talking on Facebook a lot, sometimes by text, and one day we had a bit of a bicker which resulted in him telling me that what we had was just sex but that we had a connection. He didn't ask if I felt the same, rather he just said "I assume you feel the same" and then the subject was changed.

 

After that I backed off, but he continued to message me most days, and we never talked about it again.

 

Eventually I saw him on Friday night, to hand over some stuff he'd asked me to bring to the music festival, but I couldn't spend much time with him because my friend wanted to go and look around. Over the weekend we had a really difficult time staying in touch because our texts were not reaching each other or were late due to the bad signal.

 

We finally were able to meet at 4am on Monday morning when the festival closed, at which point I was tired and needed my bed, but I went and met him for an hour. He introduced me to a load of his male friends, then we had a dance, and then I had to go because I needed to sleep.

 

We stood outside the tent we'd been in, and we hugged each other for what felt like an eternity, I didn't feel like either of us wanted to let go. Then someone came out and we jumped apart, then once the person had gone we did the same hugging thing again. We made vague plans to see each other the next day and then before he went back in the tent, he grabbed me and kissed me hard on the lips, then he looked embarassed and disappeared back inside to his friends.

 

The vague plans to meet the next day didn't work, I'm home now, and I've not heard from him since he texted me yesterday to say he'd been playing some music to his friends. I know he'll have been drinking and partying, and it might be a while before I hear from him, I'm just feeling really confused.

 

I've tried asking friends but they all think I need to talk to him, but I'm too damn scared because he's already said it's just sex. It's just I feel that the way he is with me is more than just sex, so I thought I'd post anonymously on an internet community, and see if you guys could offer any insight into what I've just told you.

 

Any insight, ideas or advice would be gratefully received.

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Welcome. :) Well if he says it's just sex for him, it's just sex. It's obvs not that for you tho. So there you have the dilemma - two diff agendas, one relationship. How do you resolve that? Talk to him. You have to accept going in that things might not work out your way, but believe me, knowing is always better than not knowing. Knowing will allow you to make informed decisions going forward, while not knowing will just keep you spinning your wheels.

 

Good luck! You'll be fine either way. :)

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Thanks Jen. I think that's the only thing I can do now, talk about it, and either way I'll know and I'll be able to move on. He's away for a few weeks but I think he should be back by the end of September so I'll be able to figure out what to say.

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