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The friends with benefits that didn't realize they were in a relationship


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To start off this is my first post, so I am sorry if it is too long or whatever but anyways...

 

There was once this boy and this girl. They met through mutual friends and she didn't like hang out with him one on one because it made her feel uncomfortable even though she couldn't tell why. She had plenty of guy friends and thought that this guy was no different, I mean she wasn't even attracted to him anyways.

 

Finally they went to dinner with two of her best friends, and she couldn't help but feel like it almost seemed like a double date. Afterwards they all watched a movie together and the girl and the boy happened to fall closer and closer together until she was laying into him and he was wrapping his arms around her. While she decided that they were just friends, her friends couldn't help but start to notice the connection she was so oblivious to.

 

This "friendship" continued for another 3 months. They held hands, cuddled, slept together (just sleeping), giving each other massages, using pet names, watching her favorite old time movies while drinking wine together, he called her every time he was drunk and was always texting her and asking her to hang out. Things that most people call a relationship, but she was adamant that they were indeed just friends. Even after one night when they were both drunk and had a steamy make out session. She was quick to inform him that they were just friends and that it was a one time thing that shouldn't happen again because they were just friends.

 

Fast forward to weeks and he is calling her to go on a late night adventure, she is starting to feel attracted to him but is trying to push it back because they are just friends. He even says that they act like a relationship even though they are just friends.

 

She then goes to visit him (he lives in their college town about an hour away, she is home for the summer). She need a place to stay for the night and considering they are friends it shouldn't matter. Well he buys her some wine, knowing her love of it, and she finishes the bottle. Apparently once she is drunk she decides that she does want him, long story short they become friends with benefits. This last for 3 weeks, they act like they are in a relationship except they only call it FWB. He wants to cuddle and texts her everyday to see how she is doing.

 

One week he stops talking to her as much and she doesn't know why, she goes down to visit him and although he says he wants her there she doesn't feel welcomed, he is acting distant and she has no clue why. She finally brings it up, she isn't one to beat around the bush, and he points out that she said she just wanted to be friends and thats what he was trying to be. Which meant not acting like they were in a relationship. He also says that he didn't realize that the emotional relational side was as important to her. As well as mentioning that he was acting disconnected because he thought that was what she wanted. He then asks what she wants. So she tells him that she has no clue what she wants and he tells her that she needs to figure that out and tell him.

 

He also informs her that he is willing to try and make everything work between them and that she just needs to tell him what she wants so he can give that to her.

 

Also the night before they had an extremely romantic time making out in the shower. Not like sexual but sensual, as if they were just enjoying the vulnerability of each others nakedness and being close to one another.

 

Now she is confused because he said that he didn't want a relationship but he is acting distant and not talking to her. So why is he acting like he doesn't care, maybe he doesn't but why the sudden change in heart, before they were so relationship-y and close and now they are distant and its awkward.

 

Again sorry this is so long I just feel background info is needed to understand why I am confused. If I am being honest with myself we were acting like we were in a relationship, just not calling it that. Now though he wants to continue the FWB but keeps saying how we are just friends and how I said we were just friends...even though we are acting different then when we were just friends.

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So who did bring up the FWB? Was it you or him? Clearly the woman is wanting more because she's freaking out and going over there when she doesn't hear from him or he doesn't act right. He says he's willing but that she told him she only wants FWB. So what is it? Is he just making that up to keep her at arm's length, or did she really tell him FWB is what she wanted even though it clearly isn't what she wants. Sounds like someone needs to just come out with it and say, " I want a real boyfriend."

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I, the women, was the one who insisted that we were FWB because I thought that was all I wanted. He was always the one who acted like we were dating, initiating the romantic actions, and I went a long with it because I liked it, I just also insisted that we were best friends. Also we already had set plans that I was coming to visit. I had two days off work so I was coming to stay with him for those two weekends because we live 2 hours apart. Usually he comes and visits on the weekends and then when I have days off I try to visit him. Anyways at the start of the week he was pushing for me to come visit because he missed me its just the rest of the week we didn't talk much, and he said he was just extremely busy. So I just wanted to confirm with him that it was still fine I was coming down considering I would be staying at his places for 2 days/nights and didn't want to impose. He said he wanted me to come down it was just I didn't feel he was excited as he used to be. Then when I was down there I just didn't really feel like he wanted me there but then when I mentioned leaving a day early he got all upset. So then I didn't leave early but we ended up going to different parties that night, which I normally would have been fine with its just he had made it sound earlier like we would be hanging together.

 

Anyways I don't know why he kept bringing up that we were just friends, he usually isn't like that, usually its me that does that, so I thought that was weird. I thought it was weird he wasn't taking me to hang out with his friends or to dinner like he usually wants to. I also thought it was weird how short his texts were. He sounded mad and I don't know why, I mean I am way confused right now because I'm not typically in this situation, I even asked my guy friends and they said that he sounded mad. They also said that they could tell that he had a crush on me for like the past 4 months and that I was just an oblivious idiot. I mean yes I have my own toothbrush at his house, like he had an extra unused one so he gave it to me and its just there for when ever I stay over...and like if I ever go down there and he isn't there (its our college town so I have a lot of friends there) he offers up his apartment for me to stay in just so I have somewhere safe to stay, I also think he likes knowing that I'm not staying with another guy.....I mean our friends just assumed we were seeing each other when we were just friends because of how we acted (you would think I would notice all of this).

 

I realize we acted like we were in a relationship, I just didn't realize it until he started acting weird and kept insisting we were friends...and then I started to wonder if I did want to be more then FWB, but now it seems like he isn't interested. It was suggested to me that he is acting this way because he likes me but he thinks that I don't want a relationship so he is trying to back off?

 

Any advice will do...sorry for the long response...

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Because YOU told him you were just FWB. If you want a real boyfriend, tell him you don't want to be just f'ing anymore and would like him to be your boyfriend. It sounds like he'll be ready to do that. He's fuming inside because of this limitation you placed on him and that accounts for his moodiness. Give him the gift of admitting you have a real relationship and then talk about what that means for both of you and make sure you can both commit to that. Good luck!

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Friends With Benefits is always a bad idea to begin with.

 

Yup... One person always wants more

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Yes, you said fwb and that is exactly what he is giving you.

 

What's the big deal, is there someone else? Go for it and if you don't like it, break up and find someone else.

 

Otherwise he is going to move on.

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GreenBlueGreen

Tell him how you want to move on from FWBs to a real relationship. If he refuses then he is just enjoying the ride with you without working on the relationship.

 

 

You can just cut ties from him and focus on yourself. You are a wonderful person who deserves to be in a loving relationship. He might come around.

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