FaithInTheDark Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 Hi so i have this friend that ive had strong connection with for years. the moment I met him I had feelings for him. We ended up spending alot of time together ie- go out for dinners, one on one hangouts and sleeping together. He told me he didnt want to be in a relationship with me but strung me along, would play head games, and caused a lot of hurt during the process of these events. I know apart of it is my fault because he was honest with me but deep down id still chase him in hopes he'd eventually want to be with me for real. stupid huh? Last summer I saw him and he asked to take me out for dinner that night ...so i got all dressed up but he ended up leaving town thus standing me up. I was so upset about all these things hes done, I told him to go to hell and never talk to me again...i finally had it. quite a while went by with him calling, sending texts and emails; trying to apologize for what he did. finally I decided to forgive him...I found out he suffers from depression . but learned my lesson to move on from this guy. a year went by and hed send messages on how he misses me & deeply cares for me but I didnt take it to heart since i knew what a flake he really was. well this week he tells me hes moved to my city and wanted to hang out. we ended up meeting and he bought me this beautiful gift , which melted my heart i wont lie... all night he told me how much he cares about me and how sorry he was for ever hurting me ( which i feel was on a friendship level) we ended up sleeping together that night. I left realizing that i can not put myself through this again with him or ill be seriously hurt...and absolutely ridiculous for not learning my lesson over the past 3.5 years of being intimate but him not committing. last night he called me and asked to hang out, which we did and had a really fun night , laughing and watching movies.. followed with this really good sex. before he left this morning, I told him to grab his jacket he left and he said can i leave it here and then we can hang out again this week. I know he doesnt have a house to live in yet since he just moved here. anyways, ive come to the conclusion that i will always love this guy, even though hes put me through hell. and now hes back in my life and deep down im always gonna want to be his girlfriend. even though hes told me a few times he didnt want to be more than friends. i want to be in his life and i can tell me cares about me too. but i dont think its ever gonna be enough unless we are in a realationship. Im not sure what to do, i dont want to cut him out but i dont want to be hurt again. should i just cut him off completely? thanks Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 You need to talk to him about his definition of friends. And I will caution you that he may be just leaning on you right now because he doesn't have a place to live. Talk to him. Tell him, You've told me over and over you just want to be friends, but then you come over here and have sex with me, and that's clearly more than friends. Tell him, I am not interested in a friends with benefits relationship because I am looking for a real relationship and won't find that as long as I'm f'ing you. So you need to decide if you want to be friends or if you want to be my bf. Link to post Share on other sites
Author FaithInTheDark Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 You need to talk to him about his definition of friends. And I will caution you that he may be just leaning on you right now because he doesn't have a place to live. Talk to him. Tell him, You've told me over and over you just want to be friends, but then you come over here and have sex with me, and that's clearly more than friends. Tell him, I am not interested in a friends with benefits relationship because I am looking for a real relationship and won't find that as long as I'm f'ing you. So you need to decide if you want to be friends or if you want to be my bf. I know I need to lay down the line, but I know how he feels, he cares about me but not enough for me to be his girlfriend. he cares enough to show it in the ways he knows how, but wont commit. I know i need to stop sleeping with him but its just a gravitational pull i get sucked in everytime were together. I gave it some thought and realized that I need to keep my distance. If he wants to make the effort to be around me I wont shut him out but gonna be disciplined to remind myself of the pain hes caused and to keep myself in check. thanks for the reply i totally agree with you Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 If it gets to where it's causing you more pain, then you have to be the one to cut him off if that's what it takes to get you past him and able to date someone else. If it's not causing you that much pain, then no big deal, but if I were you I would at least make myself go out with other friends and other guys and not even LET myself sit around waiting to see what he does. Go on about your life and don't let him slow you down with that. Think of your own well-being. Link to post Share on other sites
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