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Feel slightly used by guy best friend


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Hi all,

 

I'm new here and I think it would be healthy getting a new view on things and also I think i have exhausted my friends from talking about this topic all the time.

 

I excuse myself for the lengthy post also. So to begin with I have been friends with this guy for about 2 years, we met in work and when he left for America for 4 months we kept in touch via letters. I also moved to London for university and we always kept in touch (spoke to one another practically everyday) and met up with one another when i returned home for holidays.

 

During christmas 2014 on a night out we ended up kissing numerous times, however nothing was said and we just acted normally. The following months when i returned back to London the contact got more intense and he would say things like 'i would take you with me to America', 'i would never hurt you'. He was coming to visit me in London in march and one conversation when talking about my work uniform he asked 'is it sexy?' and 'i bet you look stunning always'.

 

March came and he stayed for 4 days. On one of the nights out and i admit drunkenly, I asked him about the kiss and he replied that he liked me and we have always had this connection even when we were with other partners. We proceeded to kiss and one thing led to another and this happened 3 times over the time he stayed. I admit I do have feelings for him and I realised this during his stay.

 

However, after his stay he has been really distant. I have tried to contact him numerous times in which he usually replies however cuts me off after one or two messages. i have called him explaining how i feel and i have told him i value our friendship more than anything else and would like it just to be how it was. He agreed with this, however still didn't bother and acted distant.

 

I have been really hurt as well, as i have been really poorly which resulted in me having to have an emergency operation. He knew about this. However, it was me who had to contact him asking if he was okay, as i felt if i didn't there would be no communication and this seems to be how the story has been- me communicating in the fear it wouldn't happen otherwise.

 

After the operation, I stayed in Merseyside (where we both live) and asked to meet up numerous times, however it never happened. I know this is silly but he posted a picture on social media of a girl saying 'my favourite going to miss her' which sparked jealousy as he didn't even bother to see me, even after I've been ill.

 

I'm just hurt by it all, especially when he was the one who admitted 'he liked me'. He never used to be like this, he would do anything for me usually, so I don't know if he's been completely put off me after what happened during his visit. I just miss my friend and i feel like the friendship has been ruined now. Sorry for the lengthy post.

 

My question is do i leave the friendship, wait for him and move on?

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He's just one of those guys who "likes" and doesn't mind having sex with a lot of women. And that's okay as long as he's not married, but I agree it's kind of a crappy thing to do with someone you know counts on you as a friend. He's made it plain he's not sticking around or being exclusive, so don't even get any ideas about that happening. He'd already have done it if he was going to.

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The boundary between the two of you is very blurred.

 

Are you friends or lovers?

 

Its hard to be both, though not impossible.

 

You should make your mind up which you want it to be, and behave accordingly.

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pink hearts

He liked you because he wanted to sleep with you. I think you should move on from this. Take time to heal, learn the lessons and move on. His actions are clearly showing you that he is not interested in your friendship.

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SycamoreCircle

Past behavior indicates future behavior.

 

He has consistently demonstrated his inconsistency. If you want to continue feeling confused and posting questions to LoveShack about what such and such means, then continue involving yourself with him. Otherwise, cut your losses and move on.

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I'm sorry to hear you've been so ill and sorry this 'relationship' isn't working out. I'm afraid he isn't interested in anything serious with you. You don't want him to only come to you when he feels like sex. Whatever you do, don't contact the guy and ask to meet up. If he's interested he will contact you. The fact that he hasn't and that he's barely responding and keeping it brief should tell you everything you need to know.

 

I'm sorry because I guess you are new to dating and you have fallen for a guy who is not worth it. The right guy WILL be there for you, he will respond to your messages and he will comfort you when you are ill. This guy has zero empathy and concern for you. Please consign him to the bin where he deserves to be.

 

You will meet someone special but you should not have to chase him - at all! If a guy is not making an effort to contact you and to make dates with you, he's not interested. Please forget this contacting guys numerous times business. It just gives them the impression you are always going to be there if they need you, so they can take you or leave you. Guys are like that (sorry guys, but it's true), if you chase them they assume you have less value. I know it's not rational but it happens. Let them chase you, please!

Edited by spiderowl
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