Dated for 9 months and she just said she wanna be alone

[leeyco]

I got to know this very beautiful girl, a smart, intelligent, irresistible lady, to most men, she is like a dream girl. I was one of the very lucky one to be able to proceed to another stage with her.

 

We started out physically intimate in the beginning stage, about 9 months ago, although she told me she is not keen on any serious relationship as she just got out from one. Yes, she was in the midst of filling a divorce with her 1 1/2 year marriage as she wasn't quite happy with her ex. That itself took a toll on her. So she wanna be alone. But I still insist to proceed.

 

During this past 9 months we progress quite fast, in a way, we live in distance about 5-6 hours drive apart. But we communicate through tango, viber and other apps very regularly. I do travel back to see her often and she comes over to my city often. We merely meet almost 2-3 times in a month. She had also met up with most of my family members and friends as well, and most of the people thought we were already couple, in fact, just between us, I know she never admitted I am her bf. But we are dating and doing things what normal couples do. In between every now and then she would still tell me things that she still needs more time for herself and she actually should be alone, but part of us, kinda swept away this issue and still continues to hangout intimately. I had given almost every effort and everything I could afford to give her. Helping her to solve issues and problems she was facing, spending her on holidays, and giving her a home to stay and also providing for some of her living expenses. She meant a lot to me and I really do have intentions to further my life with her as I had been through many rounds of relationship. I don't wanna restart all over again always. and to get to know someone and let ppl know me fully it's not an easy thing. She understands me fully and she even said I am the only person who knows everything about her, her past, her mistakes and her secrets.

 

Fast forward to right now, after this few days, I started to feel insecure about this uncertain status of us as I know on and off there are new guys she met and she would be quite open and friendly to them, without acknowledging my existence. She is very attractive, and every guy would be attracted to her. I brought up this issue to her that I am not happy of that. I wished she could at least let them now my existence. She just said it's hard and she is not ready for any commitment right now. She said this guys are just merely friends and she has no interest in them. She knows the line and right now I am the only one special to her. But she just can't commit and take me as a bf as it's quite a big thing to her to really treat me as a bf.

 

She suggested let's just be normal or close friends and that it would be better for me. She doesn't want to be unfair to me cause now she really need the time alone. Maybe 1-2 years. She said she doesn't want to emotionally attach to anyone. And she asked me not to wait for her or anything. She doesn't want to have that feeling of leading me on. But she still wanna keep close in touch with me and that we still can hangout like good close friends and take time slowly. She won't know what will happen in the future but for now, just herself only. Since her last relationship, she doesn't have time for herself and I came into the picture right 2-3 months after she ended the marriage.

 

I am confuse what I shd do now. Just wait? Or totally cut it off with her? I love her very much, but I am not sure what she is thinking. She said I will be someone always special to her and will still care for me always but allow her time and space to be alone, especially mentally and emotionally. She said she needs to reform herself and fix up her own mess inside her before able to give in a relationship as it's important to her to find herself before loving another person. Is this just kind words to sooth my ears? What can I do now? Would love to hear some opinions.

Edited May 7, 2015 by leeyco

[preraph]

You provided financial support at a time of transition in her life. The whole time she was telling you she didn't want commitment. She doesn't want commitment with you. If she did, she would have given it by now. She just wanted out of her marriage. She doesn't want another anytime soon. She just needs to be on her own. I'm sure she's grateful to you, but that does not add up to a real committed relationship. I'm sorry. You'd be wise to move on, not give so much until you are committed, and find a woman who wants love.

[oldshirt]

Let me give you the Cliff Notes version of this and interpret what she said with what she means.

 

You got involved with a married woman that has lots of baggage and turmoil.

She needed her ego stroked and needed someone to help her transition from married life to the freedom of single life.

 

The direct translation of what she has told is she doesn't dislike you or have any ill-will towards you, but you have served your purpose and now she is ready to go out and date and screw other men and enjoy the single life again....and thank you for your help and contributions in that endeavor.

 

What you do about it is get back on the dating market and start dating other women and moving on with your own life.

 

If she turns up in town one night and wants a booty call, that's fine but that's your call at that time.

 

There is no confusion or mixed signals here, you were an exit affair that helped her break the ties to her marriage and now that she is a single woman or soon will be, she wants to move on with her life.

 

You need to do the same.