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Making her feel loved


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Hi all,

 

long story short: i'm dating a girl who has been horribly treated by boyfriends before.

 

I know her for about 5 years (New Year's eve 2010). We weren't truly close friends until about a year and a half ago, and the last 2 months we just kept talking more and more and more ...

 

Her first boyfriend was an utter douche. The kind of guy who enjoys the hunt, and once he catches his targeted girl, he moves on to the next. So that's what happened: he came on strong for about 2 months, they got together, they had sex, he stopped showing interest and started partying hard until he dumped her (no cheating as far as she knows). (He's still doing this stuff nowadays, although he finally got quite a nasty reputation).

 

The second one was a fling afterwards, who got serious, but she doubted her feelings so much, that she ended it herself. The guy went berserk and stalked her for a month, before he vanished.

 

After a lot of time, she got together with an old friend of hers. Kind of a very silent guy, gentle in nature. They were together for 18 months.

One day, a mutual girl-friend of them showed up at her door. Apparantly, she found out that he had been seeing another girl for quite a while, and she couldn't keep silent.

My date decided to keep things normal for a while, to have time to find the truth in the matter. She found out that he had been having sex with a girl from his high school 3 months before they started dating, and he just kept going throughout the entire relationship. She got into his mail and text history, and they even had weekends together, and there were days when he met "both of his girls". She dumped him by text, and apart from some horrible mails and texts afterwards (actively blaming her for quite some stuff), never saw him again. He had a 3-month relationship with his second girl, now they're supposedly separated.

 

 

She's clearly over it now emotionally, a year afterwards, apart from the inevitable impact this had on her system. I've more or less "seen" all of this happen, from a small distance and talking to her every now and then. But now i'm dating her, and i'm left wondering how secure she feels.

 

That's why i'd like to ask this: apart from the regular long-haul stuff (simply being there for her, and being a good boyfriend), how do you make someone who has been horribly treated/cheated upon feel loved? And does anyone know some awesome things to do/give to fully gain her trust and make her feel loved the way she should be?

Edited by Stilnaught
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todreaminblue

What a thoughtful guy you are....very sweet....

 

 

wqith what your intentions are i feel anything you do will be right.....

 

i feel the greatest show of love is interest.....interest and time spent getting to know someone inside and out......know how they feel, what makes them laugh knowing when they need to laugh, understanding smiles.......knowing when they have a hard day when they dont actually say it.....giving space when they need it and understanding that it isnt a reflection on the relationship

 

 

to me true love is knowing someone better than they know themselves.....

 

 

planning mystery dates to fave places .....cooking a favourite meal knowing that fave meal, having music playing that is meaningful to the person, a fave hobby or activity explored together....a romantic picnic somewhere special......

 

find out what her love language is.....is it time?....is it physical affection or touch.....

 

i think the biggest show of love you can give to someone who has been hurt is time.....time to develop knowledge of her and time for her to develop trust in you.......and i am sure ...you have both those things covered......some of the things i have said above on date ideas....is effort and knowledge...and of course time.....if you make those three things important....i am sure you will succeed in all that you want her to know....and feel.....i wish you the very best in life and love....good luck...deb

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Just be open with her. Don't make her wonder where you are or who you're with. Update her once in a while how much you like being with her (verbally). Don't overdo any of it, though, because since she's been attracted to the other, it might overwhelm her. Just be her rock. Be there when she needs you. Don't leave her guessing. Be considerate. Treat her as you'd like to be treated.

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My advice is to show up for her. Have a relationship where everything is on the table so nothing is questioned. She will either trust you or she won't but don't plant seeds in her head that would bloom into her doubting you in any way shape of form.

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