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Dilemma with male friend at work


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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  • 1 Post By Jessie1231
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Old 2nd February 2015, 5:43 PM   #1
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Dilemma with male friend at work

Hi there, just a quick question:
A guy at work keeps on offering to give me one of his free gym passes ( he is a member but he gets passes for the gym as part of his membership ) - I've been three times now and I use the sauna, steam room and jacuzzi, the last time he said he went in there as well but I was in the shower

I have accepted another pass but I've just got this awkward feeling about it, in a way it makes me feel indebted to him and obliged though nothing has happened

He is fourteen years younger than me and as far as I'm concerned we're friends but he likes to have lunch together sometimes in restaurants and once signed a text with a kiss?

I'm just wondering if it's like I'm taking advantage though the passes are free, I feel bad about accepting them all the time for some reason, is this mad? I feel bad not accepting too though as then I would have to explain why and stuff?

Any thoughts, thanks so much X
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Old 2nd February 2015, 5:52 PM   #2
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If you're getting a squirmy feeling about it, then stop doing it. Not sure why he's offering this to you. He could get a discount for every person he brings in who signs up or something, but if that's not it, then it seems like you'd know if you were just that good of friends that this seemed normal, and you don't, so I guess you're thinking he's thinking about hitting on you.
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Old 2nd February 2015, 5:57 PM   #3
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He knows that I can't sign up for the gym, I can't afford it and it is too far away

I think we are just good friends, my concern is even if I was a friend and he offered and I went, is it me taking advantage of him at all? What can I give back? He is a nice person and I don't want it to look as if I'd be using him

There is a slight possibility he could be hitting on me, I'm not sure...I don't really have any idea actually, there have been a few signs though...like him putting his arm round my waist at the christmas party, asking me to lunch, putting the kiss on his text, I don't know

If he was keen I guess if I couldn't give him what he wanted I'd feel bad about using his gym passes, I could maybe stop but would need to think about what reason to give
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Old 2nd February 2015, 6:01 PM   #4
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If they are free passes, it doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. If he does like you as more than a friend then you're still not taking advantage of him since the passes are free. Keep being friends with him and using the passes, and if he brings up something more than friendship you can deal with it then and maybe stop using the passes.

So far it sounds like he's just being nice whether it's as a friend or something more. Either way, you don't sound like you're doing anything wrong by taking him up on a friendly offer.
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Old 2nd February 2015, 6:03 PM   #5
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Thanks Jessie ( and Preraph ) X

They are free, so I guess I'm not and it's fine for us to be friends

Yes he is nice, he is a nice person...I guess it's all fine :-)
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Old 2nd February 2015, 8:17 PM   #6
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Do you have any inkling or indication that this guy might be gay? I had a work colleague that did lots of favors for me, sent flowers and cards if I was out sick, brought me small but expensive gifts, paid for lunch and an occasional dinner after work etc and yet no physical contact or indication that he was interested in anything further. I (and most of my friends) just couldn't figure him out, but suspected he must not be interested in females. After a couple years, he finally got up the courage to reveal his big "secret" which was no secret by then...he's gay. He admitted he loved me, as a very good friend...it didn't change anything and we remain good friends 20+ years later. But it sure messed up my head for awhile, trying to figure him out without coming right out and asking just what he was after!
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Old 3rd February 2015, 5:27 PM   #7
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Yessss I do JADIE! He appears to me to swing both ways and when I first met him I assumed he was gay though he mentioned he was with a woman once but now he is single

I'm pretty sure he's not after anything actually apart from friendship which is reassuring, but he wears an earring, speaks with " camp " expressions ( ie. Whatevs, the Atmos LOL ) and I have a feeling in fact that he may be...

So yeah, I feel okay about using the passes now and I have also helped him out from time to time with stuff as well

Thank u, DLD xx
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