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Am I reading into this too much?


YouGottaBeKiddingMe

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YouGottaBeKiddingMe

Hi all,

 

New poster here. I've visited this forum at various points over the last 4-5 years.

 

Good discussions on here. With the type of material that this site deals with, I think it's good to get a wide range of input.

 

Anyways, about me:

 

I'm a guy in my mid 20s.

 

I'm still a virgin. I've came close several times to no longer being a virgin in the last few years.

 

I'm at a point now where I'm not sure if I want to be married, or even be in a non-married, romantic relationship/partnership. However, I'm in my mid 20s and wasting away my sexual "prime".

 

It's not the end of the world if I never have sex. Ive debated whether I should, regardless of the fact that I'm wasting away my prime. I'm concerned with how it might affect me in the long term, and whether I would be better off having sex or not having sex.

 

I only want to do it if I will come out even or ahead in the long run because of sex. I don't want to mess my life up and end up coming out behind in the long run.

 

I've talked to several exes and female friends about their sex lives, and most of them regret having sex before marriage. I've talked very little with male friends about their sex lives for obvious reasons. I did talk to one male friend who is a few years older than me, and who I have a lot of respect for, and he only does friends with benefits. Seems to work for him, but there again, everyone is different.

 

Maybe it wouldn't affect me all that much.

 

Now, here's the situation:

 

There's a girl who I work with that has caused me to wonder if she might be interested in having casual sex with me. She has recently made several comments, including a type of comment that was surprising coming from her.

 

She has a shy, conservative (religiously, politically, socially, etc) exterior, but her friends have said she is far from innocent...Her recent comments kind of fall in line with this. I've had some recent life experiences that have led me to the conclusion that basically, people are complex, inconsistent, lack self-awareness, and are, well...humans. So, it's not outside the realm of possibility that she is interested in having sex.

 

One could propose that maybe she is romantically interested in me, but if she is, this isn't the way to go about pursuing me...That doesn't mean she wouldn't go about it in this way, but to me, this scenario seems unlikely.

 

Another scenario is that she is being immature and/or doesn't realize how what she is saying comes across. I would say this is a likely candidate.

 

Another scenario is that she is just being a tease. This is always a possibility. It's not cool and messed up IMHO, but there's not a whole lot that can be done about that.

 

Another scenario is that she is interested in casual sex and is trying to drop hints. If she is, I am open to the possibility of that, but I'm not convinced that it would be a good idea.

 

If we were to have casual sex, I am interested in having a friends with benefits type of setup. No strings attached. If one or both people start getting attached to the other person, we stop doing it.

 

Of course, because this is a coworker, there is the possibility that if this goes wrong in any way, it could be messy, so I do realize the risks involved...

 

At the end of the day, maybe I am reading too much into this. I fully realize that possibility.

 

I'm still not sold on the idea of having casual sex period, let alone with the coworker I mentioned. I don't want to create a disaster. The only way I would consider this is if it would be to our mutual benefit. I think it would be crucial for both of us to be upfront and honest about what we would like to get out of the setup, and what our expectations and standards are. I would prefer for both of us to be tested for STIs at the same facility, at the same time, before we would engage in sex. If we were to engage in sex, I would want it to be fun, healthy, and ultimately beneficial for each of us.

 

I don't want to hurt her feelings if she didn't mean anything by her comments, because I like her as a friend, but at the same time, if there is an opportunity there, I don't want to miss out on it. Maybe it's a really bad idea. Maybe it would work out great. I don't know.

 

What are everyone's thoughts?

 

I appreciate any input you all can provide.

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I am so, so, so, so, so glad that I had sex (multiple times, multiple partners) before I got married. What are you so afraid of. Life is messy. Relationships are messy. But honestly, the mess is half the fun.

 

Just ask her. In a flirtatious way. "Hey lady, do you wanna be my secret lover?" And if you do develop feelings for each other, instead of ending things.....just see what happens.

 

Get out there. Live a little.

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I only want to do it if I will come out even or ahead in the long run because of sex. I don't want to mess my life up and end up coming out behind in the long run.

 

I'm curious how you think having sex would result in you coming out even or ahead in the long run. What do you mean by that? Also, how do you think it could mess up your life?

 

 

I would prefer for both of us to be tested for STIs at the same facility, at the same time, before we would engage in sex.

 

I don't think this is a reasonable expectation from a FWB relationship. If it's just FWB, like you want, you should assume that your partner could potentially have other sexual partners. I mean, I think that's the whole point of FWB, no? You're not exclusive, not committed, so either partner is free to do what they want.

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