Could this guy be interested?

[SweetLikeCinnamon]

Okay, please bear with me here because I barely know this guy and don't have much to go by, but I thought I'd make this thread anyway to get an outside perspective.

 

I'm 23, he's 21. We're not 'friends' but we're in the same social circles. He joined my social circles about a year ago and I've always thought he was very attractive but have never really been brave enough to speak to him. I also convinced myself that I wouldn't stand a chance with him because I never got any vibe that he was attracted to me, which I get a lot more from other guys, so I sort of just left it. Then again, I've been wrong many times in the past with this sort of thing as I'm not very confident when it comes to guys I'm *actually* attracted to. I added him on Facebook a few months ago after having a few words exchanged on more than one occasion and being tagged in a few group pictures with him on a night out. Since then he comments on my Facebook statuses periodically, again I didn't think much of it until I realised he actually isn't very active on Facebook and comments on me more than a lot/most of his friends despite barely knowing me (we've probably said less than 5 sentences to each other in real life, and only on about 2 separate occasions).

So yeah, this is my though process:

 

Why I didn't/don't think he likes me:

 

- I know other girls find him attractive and flirt with him but I've never seem him reciprocate. With anyone. I once over heard one girl almost shouting at him saying he was really fussy about girls. I recently found out he's religious (which is uncommon in England and very uncommon in the alternative scene so I was really surprised). Not sure if this is something to do with it, as he might not be into getting with the random girls that approach him at clubs?

 

-Before I even spoke to him for the first he was happy to be in close proximity to me. This may initially sound like a good thing, but the ways that he did it made me think it was as if I was 'one of the guys'. For example, if I was attracted to someone I barely knew I would be more hesitant. One example was one time I sat next to him in a pub and we were talking to our respective friends. He had to move up or something and he literally ended up sitting on my skirt the whole time, but he still didn't seem to acknowledge me. Then like a week later, at the club I think we first spoke at, on the dancefloor he'd put his arm around me for some songs if I was the first person next to him for our group to get in a circle, but I feel this is something you do with 'the boys' and not someone you're attracted to?

 

-The first time we spoke (same night as above) was when this creepy guy was trying it on with a few of the girls in the group including me. He was telling the guy off and saying he can't hang around the group cause he creepy and I agreed. When the creepy guy was gone he mouthed if I was okay, and I said yes. But I think he was sort of moderating the group as he was partly responsible for the gathering.

 

Why he could be interested:

 

-This mainly comes down to facebook. He comments on my statuses like a few times a month, which I first thought meant nothing. I mean I've always been pleasantly surprised but figured he did the same to everyone. But recently I added him to favourites to see his his activity and noticed he barely comments on anyone and just isn't very active. For example in the last 2 weeks (by looking at his activity page) he's commented on 4 people's statuses, one being me, the other 3 all guys and people he's actually friends with. We have 30 mutual friends and he's good friends with like 10 and probably knows the rest better than be but he's only commented on 3 of them in that time, including me. He also mainly comments on political statuses but with me he'a mainly commented on really general stuff and responded with a joke/something witty. Basically he has no need to comment on them

 

-Since we've become acquainted there's been more eye contact, where there was none before. I think maybe the first time I saw him since adding hi, was when I attended our usual club and started at me when he was talking to someone else after I arrived, but I was too shy to say hi.

 

-I saw him this Friday at the same club for the first time in months. He was talking to my friend and others and held eye contact with me again when I went up to her (there were other people in the group), I couldn't come up with anything to say again :/

 

The issue I have is guys I like never approach me despite me always finding out later down the line that they actually were attracted to me, but by default I always assume they'e not. I feel like they need a green light from me otherwise they assume I wouldn't be interested in them, which makes things hard as I'm ridiculously shy around guys I like and really scared of getting rejected, and I have no way of telling if I have a chance.

 

Anyway does it sound like this guy could be someone who is interested or am I just looking for something that isn't there? Thanks in advanced

[preraph]

He could be interested in you, or he could be just being friendly, or he could even be gay since you've not seen him with other girls. I'm guessing no one slow dances anymore anywhere, but if so grab him for one and foist yourself upon him. Or if the group goes to a fair or amusement park, ride a ride with him. Try to get up close to him physically.

 

Or if you find it easy to just communicate, just ask him sometime: Are you dating anyone these days? Tone just casual like a friend. Then see what he says and find out male or female, how long since, is he interested in someone who isn't you; and if so, does he have a single twin.

 

Or if you're really comfortable, ramp it up and say: I'm always surprised to see you alone at these things. It seems like a tragic waste.

[SweetLikeCinnamon]

Thanks for the input preraph

 

I'm pretty sure he's not gay as it says he like girls on his facebook. And I also remembered he was close with this girl about a year ago for a little while and I think he was dating her in hindsight.

 

Anyone have any more inputs/tips for an approach?

[preraph]

Next time you know you'll be seeing him, wear something that shows some cleavage. Get one of those bras that pushes your boobs up and together. Guys are mostly visual, so as stupid a reason as this sounds to like a girl, that's one of the main reasons guys do like them. So even if you're not big, one of those pushup bras (some of them are demis) and a moderately low or v-neck or tank top shirt and dress feminine and go up and talk to him. See, I have no idea how you dress. But if you only wear jeans and hoodies, time to go get something feminine so if he's not thinking of you as a girl so much as a buddy, he will get over it in a hurry. Get a pretty colorful v-neck blouse or wear a skirt with a tank top if you're that fit to get away with that. Don't show too much, but show some. Wear things that fit your curves, not things that cover them up because guys are programmed to look at boobs and the hourglass female form and if they can't see it, no bells are going to go off. If you're somewhere at all dressy, wear heels.

 

If you have done anything to yourself or your hair to make you kind of extreme looking, try toning that down as well. Not every guy likes that. It's good self-expression but to appeal to a wider population and not just a sect, less is more.

 

Once dressed up to get his attention, any excuse to talk is fine if you can't just feel comfortable being direct. I have done or had done to me the following:

 

At a club, go up and ask guys if they'd seen (any random celebrity) go by. Then they want to know why you ask that and you say you heard someone saw them. It's very stupid but talked to so many people that way.

 

One guy while I had my back to him talking to someone, started bouncing his basketball off my butt.

 

I have asked a cute acquaintance to hold my shoes while I danced with another guy. This worked out rather well.

 

If he could reasonably be considered a regular member of your circle of friends, bring candy or cookies for everyone one day and give a little parcel to all your friends, including him.

 

Ask him for a small favor. Like, Oh, could you Pleaaase do me a favor?? I've got to leave right now, but if you see ___, will you please tell her I had to leave and will call her later? Asking people for favors actually makes them like you more. It involves them into your life, makes them feel good for helping. And then of course, you owe them one or a big thank you so you have a built-in reason to talk to them again.

 

Ask him for details on something he might know more about, like "Hey I heard (band) was coming. Have you heard where or when?" or "Do you know what time the (football game) comes on?" You never know, it might even lead to an invitation.

Edited January 15, 2015 by preraph

[Satu]

I think you should club him with a knotty branch and drag him back to your cave.

 

Well maybe not, but let him know you're interested.

 

Fortune favours the bold.

[SweetLikeCinnamon]

Preraph - I do generally wear push up bras when I go out on nights out and in general I always wear skirts/dresses, I don't actually own any trousers. I'm generally considered very feminine. I'm also not really wanting to change my appearance. And I actually don't usually have any problem with attracting guys and only hear positive things about my looks. My only problem is lack of confidence with guys I'm interested in. I usually mess up cause I don't pick up on signals and convince myself they can't like me and generally beat around the bush too long umming and ahhing, and next thing I know someone else has got in there before me.

 

Asking about bands is a good idea though as we're in a rock music society together.

 

And since I made this thread he's continued to comment more on my statuses (only on mine and one of his best friends, out of our 30 mutual friends) and I've been trying to return the favour (though he does't post much so I've only done this once). I like to think this will make it easier to at least say 'hi' to him when I see him on Friday as it feels like we're getting a bit more familiar. And maybe I can mention something on Facebook, like an inside joke?