mail9993321 Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Hi 9 months ago I met a girl through a friend and we all went on holiday together. We got along well and I could tell she really liked me but even though I found myself attracted to her, I was not ready for a relationship as was in the middle of a situation with someone else. I told her this and she admitted to having a crush on me, but said that she would like to stay friends. We have stayed friends but over time the more I see her, the more I find it becoming more awkward being around her, even before going to see her I feel nervous. She is very different to me, a very social, outgoing girl who goes out a lot who I know has had serious long term relationships and I am quite a shy person who prefers to stay in and hasn't had a lot of dating / relationship experience. I don't know if the awkwardness is because we don't have a huge amount in common and it was easier at the start because we were amongst other people, if I feel intimidated by her somehow because she is so different to me, or if I do still feel something for her and find it awkward to not be able to be playful and flirty with her like when we first met. I've found myself torn between doing nothing and staying friends, or asking her if she still has feelings for me. For the very fact that I am not 100% certain about what to do, does this show I should remain friends and not say anything? Does the above indicate I feel something for her, but not deep enough to want her? We do talk every week and really like having her as a friend so wouldn't want to say anything when she might not be in that same place, I don't think she is seeing anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 What do you guys do together ? Only hang out with other friends or just the two of you ? Maybe you should change venue. Something more for the two of you but still a bit relaxed so you don't feel awkward. You need stuff to do together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mail9993321 Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 It's been just the two of us since the holiday. We went to a concert, and hung out at hers a couple of times. We had lots of fun with each other but that was in the company of friends, it's only since we've seen each other just us that I've felt there's been an awkwardness. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Are your feelings for her more than friends....or do you feel awkward because she told you she had a crush on you and nothing eventuated back then...are you awkward because you like her?..deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author mail9993321 Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 I know the awkwardness isn't because of her saying she has / had a crush on me, I'm just trying to figure out if it's because I have feelings for her or if it's just because we don't have much in common and are just polar opposites of each other. When I first met her I wouldn't say I was immediately attracted to her. As it became clear she was interested in me I started to enjoy being around her more and I did develop an attraction to her. I guess as I was with her everyday after a few days it became easier to talk, and now that we have only seen each other a few times in the last few months, it feels like meeting each other for the first time every time I see her. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 Don't ask her if she has feelings for you. That's not fair. She won't know why you ask and it's like you want a guarantee before you stick your neck out, or that's how it will seem. Just ask her on a real date. A romantic dinner or a night under the stars, something romantic in atmosphere, being a gentleman, pulling her chair out, putting your hand on her back to guide her in a door. And then instead of asking her, when the time seems right, TELL her something like, The more I'm with you, the more I like you. Would you like to date some more and see how it goes? If that's all too formal for you, take her to an amusement park and ride a ride so you are mashed together, put your arm around her and tell her, I could get used to this. Or if it's cold where you are, huddle under a blanket at a game or in front of the tv and say the same thing. Just start cuddling and see how it goes. But since she confessed she had a crush (do not bring that up again - too embarrassing for her), you should feel free to say you're starting to like her more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 mali i also agree with pre raph do not ask her if she still has a crush on you.....it would be embarrassing especially if you turned her down..... pre reaph had some good ideas for two polar opposite dates one casual and one formal...both were excellent and thoughtful.....keep the more formal date for a later date and take her casual for a first.......somewhere outdoors and public so you have a myriad of things to talk about ......a beach a park feed the ducks .....take her somewhere picturesque at night...a mountain look out....maybe...if she isnt a theme park loads of people woman.....nature is inspiring for conversations to form, any time of day or night... but simply do ask her out on a date..... feeling like the first time you met every time you see her...is to me growing feelings...an awareness of her as a person...wanting to know more...feeling like you dont know enough ....that awkward feeling ....that has discovery at its roots...discovering her as you discover your own growing feelings about her..... one thing about knowing a woman has had a crush on you in the past......is the fact that feelings are probably still there.....my ex and i were like that.....he had shown me much earlier he had feelings for me.....i didnt make a move and kept him as a friend....until i was free and ready to date..and we were together for fifteen years...... we basically went straight into an exclusive relationship..or what i thought would be exclusive...... just take it casual....do not ask her if the feelings are there or ask her if she still has a crush......just take it as a fresh start........and ask her out....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author mail9993321 Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 Thanks for the comments everyone appreciate it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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