swizz Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 So the semester at college is coming to a close. And a few weeks into the semester an old fling and i started talking again. then friends with benefits came up, so for the rest of the semester we would be hanging out and having sex. Only thing is that weve become so damn close that we say that we are best friends. Shes seen a few guys in between then but now shes starting to get serious with this one dude and its leaving me feel empty inside. likee im gonna lose her. I dont know what i should do. I dont know if i feel this way because i love her, because i dont have anyone else, or because i am scared im going to lose my best friend. Please help, ive been so depressed lately and i cant put a finger on why. Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted December 14, 2014 Share Posted December 14, 2014 So the semester at college is coming to a close. And a few weeks into the semester an old fling and i started talking again. then friends with benefits came up, so for the rest of the semester we would be hanging out and having sex. Only thing is that weve become so damn close that we say that we are best friends. Shes seen a few guys in between then but now shes starting to get serious with this one dude and its leaving me feel empty inside. likee im gonna lose her. I dont know what i should do. I dont know if i feel this way because i love her, because i dont have anyone else, or because i am scared im going to lose my best friend. Please help, ive been so depressed lately and i cant put a finger on why. You need to stop lying to yourself. Either be true friends and axe the "benefits" part. You can't handle it.. you are obviously getting too attached. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 or tell her you have feelings and you don't want to be FWB anymore and you want to try for a proper relationship with her... Link to post Share on other sites
Author swizz Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 So me and her got together to talk the other night. She said we may have to stop having sex because she didn't want to disrespect the new guy she was seeing. Then we both told the truth about how we felt. Turns out she feels the same way about me, sort of.... We both confessed our love for each other. And that we both see a future together. But at this point in her life she says she is not ready for a relationship with a guy like me (Someone she could marry) because she is too immature. She'll say that i have the maturity of a 30 year old when it comes to dating, and that she has the maturity of a, well, 20 year old (We both are 20). This sucks. Because now we are on winter break and she lives a few hours from me. And she is going to continue talking to the other guy and wants to keep me as her best friend. She says that she needs to date more people who have flaws because she is too immature to date a guy like me. She says I basically have no flaws and am the dream guy. Now I am ridiculously confused on what to do next. Should I stop talking to her during the month we have off? Try to shake some of these feelings? I am afraid that if I do then she will lose her feelings for me. And I don't want to lose her as a best friend. She is the closest person I have. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 (edited) You understand what she is saying right? Your a nice beta guy - but she wants to bang a bunch alpha bad boys....and then maybe later she could "settle" with a nice guy like you and have a vanilla life. Nice for her - and honestly not uncommon for a young person to want to explore. Its just you have fallen in love. When I was in college I heard something very similar from a gal I was interested in and wanted to be serious with- she wanted to remain friends, and have fun with lots of guys...and I said no to any connection with her. Later after working her way though the dorms - she decided she wanted back with me - I turned her down, what I felt was gone, she was not the same person. Best thing you can do is tell her you agree with her - you need a mature partner and wish her well. Edited December 17, 2014 by dichotomy Link to post Share on other sites
Bellaisa Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 What she says is pretty on point. She does need to experience the bad in order to appreciate the good, but that doesn't mean you have to wait around for her and suffer as you watch her date other people. Chances are you can't just shake off the feelings that you have. They are going to be there, and they are going to make you feel bad, angry, sad, lonely, etc. for as long as you have them. That's something to think about... Personally, I would cut ties with her. You guys crossed the line with friend line with sex, and being friends is going to be very hard now. You could try to date other women and distract your feelings for her - and it may work - but if you are going to hurt every time you see her, then it may be easier to move on. She was a good part of your life, and maybe she will be in the future, but not every relationship has to be a continuous relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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