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An Old Crush Rejected Me


zebrastripes

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There was a guy who I had known and been friends with from the time I was 12 to about the time I was 25. I always had a thing for him, but it just never happened.

 

I never admitted that I liked him. He and I would tease one another constantly. When we were about 19, he had a girlfriend. One day out of nowhere she told me that she was breaking up with him because all he did was talk about me. She told me that I needed to be with him. Then she proceeded to badger me for 2 weeks, asking if he had asked me out yet. He didn't so they ended up getting back together.

 

One Valentine's Day, he asked me to dinner. I asked about his gf, and he told me that he had broken up with her. As we were driving my cell rang. I answered it, and it was his gf calling MY cell phone. They hadn't broken up after all.

 

Despite him being with her, he and I still spent a lot of time together. There was never any kissing or romance, but TONS of touching and whispering into each other's ears. Basically everything we could get away with without actually cheating, although neither one of us EVER admitted feelings. he tension was insane though.

 

I lost touch with him for about a year. I had a boyfriend who I was living with, and randomly a mutual friend called me to tell me that the guy that I had liked had broken up with his gf because he got engaged to someone he had only known for about a month.

 

I ran into the guy a few months later. It was unexpected, and he ended up sitting and talking for an hour. He never told me that he was engaged, and I never told him that I was living with someone.

 

I ended up calling his ex. I'm even sure why. We ended up talking for 6 hours. During the course of the conversation, she told me that he had been madly in love and obsessed with me. She said there is that one person in your life who you will always love no matter who else you're with, and she believed that for him, I was that person. He never admitted his feelings to me, so I'm not sure what I think of that.

 

I ended up getting an invite to his wedding, and I went. I am guessing that his mother must have been the one to invite me, because he was very surprised that I was there. Since we had spent so much time together growing up, I couldn't understand why he was surprised. We had never really gotten together, so it wasn't like I was a jilted lover.

 

His wedding was the last time I saw him. I dated people, and did my own thing. I didn't really give him much thought.

 

YEARS after his wedding, everyone started joining Facebook. I saw that he was friends with another friend. He and I had about 45 mutual friends from our childhood/teen years. I sent him a very short, totally platonic message, and a friend request. He read my message, but never answered, and he rejected my friend request. It's been over 10 years since I have seen him, and I'm completely over him. My page clearly states that I'm in a relationship. I just don't understand why he won't accept or communicate with me. He has his ex gf's on his page. He was such a wonderful part of my years growing up, and I feel sad that he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. We never had any kind of falling out. Any ideas as to why?

 

Sorry for the long post.

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He may have found out you and the girlfriend were communicating and gotten his pride hurt or feel humiliated or something. Or maybe he's just happily married and his wife knows he had a thing for you, so he doesn't want to add you. It's odd that all those years he was able to go after girlfriends but never came after you, isn't it?

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Sounds like he was always extremely attempted to cheat on whoever he was with, when he was with you. And now he's married. It might just be a self-protective thing. Like his last significant memories of you might be very similar to your last significant memories of him, as far as him lying to you about him being single, whispering in your ear and so on. When you're in a relationship, you can at least just bail if you've made up your mind that you want someone else. Marriage (especially if there are kids) is often a whole 'nother ballpark and maybe he just doesn't want to go there. Shouldn't take it personally, OP.

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Danda makes a lot of sense. I am a man and I understand what it is like to protect your current relationship/marriage when you do have feelings for someone else. I had one of those girls whom I met in my church. We were so much alike and just hit it off. I had to be very careful with her and make sure I never put myself into a compromising situation - ever! I loved my wife but I definitely enjoyed the company of the other woman and new in the right situation a spark could ignite a flame. Sometimes the only alternative is to cut off the relationship.

 

Facebook may seem innocent and all of that but do you have any idea how many affairs and inappropriate relationships have started through Facebook? I work in a ministry that deals with marriage relationships - how to strengthen them, how to rebuild after an affair - and time-after-time issues arise from Facebook or some other form of social media where you can say things without the fear that face-to-face communication often produces. No one knows for sure why he hasn't responded but a marriage is an honorable estate that deserves full protection with proper boundaries in place. Honoring his choice and not taking it personal will help as you move forward. I hope you have a blessed Christmas!

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Thank you all for your input. The funny thing is that I met him in church. We were a part of the same youth/college group for all that time.

 

I understand, but it makes me sad to lose the contact. I would feel better if he would even explain his reasoning to me instead of ignoring me. I would NEVER entertain anything with a married person, but he's made me feel like he hates me or something.

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The only thing I will say, is that I wonder why neither one of us ever admitted feelings? We both had girlfriends and boyfriends over the years, but never dated each other. You'll have to excuse the tiny bit of reflective nature in my post. :D I'm getting closer to 40, and I find myself thinking a lot about the past.

 

And a blessed Christmas to you too, Goblue!

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It might also be a case of average male mentality vs average female mentality.

 

You know how soooo many guys bemoan what they call the "friendzone"? In which they are friends with a woman but secretly desperately want to get in their pants?

 

And then I just read a thread in a different forum on here where the guy was convinced that all of his girlfriend's male friends secretly want to **** her.

 

I think maybe many men just see male/female friendship differently than many women do, but I don't know.

 

If there is any truth to that, though, then while you both might perceive it as "sucks we drifted apart" - maybe you could handle friendship but he couldn't. Or maybe he thinks that if you became friends with him, it'd mean you want to get in his pants. Or who the hell knows.

 

But it's one of those things where you just gotta appreciate and cherish the good memories.

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