How would he view me now?

[VanessaVanessa]

So I met this guy about 6-7 months ago through uni. We went out to the movies about 3 months ago and had only had lunch together a couple of times before then. A few days ago he texted me asking if I wanted to hang out at his place and since we agreed on an early time in the afternoon, I agreed. Then that morning of the day he said if we could meet a little later because some things had come up. I agreed. Eventually he left me waiting a little while from where he was supposed to pick me up and after being a little patient i rang him up saying that I should probably be going and that he was too busy and maybe another time. I said "you should've let me know if you got too busy". He told me not to go, that he was almost there and that he would cook me dinner and make it up. I told him not to worry and politely said I'd be going. As I was walking back towards my bus stop he rung me again and so I answered, he told me he was on the street I was on and he'd come get me. I told him if he could catch me on time then ok but I would keep walking. He managed to find me and so we made our way back to his place. We were talking for about half an hour and he sat close to me the whole time. We agreed on waiting to have dinner. I thought he would turn on the television or something but he seemed to just want to talk.

 

Somewhere along our conversation he said "I bet youre a good kisser, you have nice lips". I kind of froze from the compliment and felt a bit embarrassed. Well I told him I didnt expect him to say that and he continued on the topic and asked me to let him see. I hesitated and then he sort of pulled me in with his hands and eventually we kissed. I backed up quickly andthen we kissed again. The kissing was getting more intense so I stopped and said "we barely know each other" and things along those lines but he kept trying to disagree or telling me it was ok. I reiterated "we aren't even anything" and he said something like "we will see what happens".

 

Well stupidly, I wanted to continue kissing and we did. Eventually he layed me on the couch and begun touching me. It's been about 19 months since I was last intimate with someome, not even small kisses or anything since and so I guess I was feeling a bit weak. I would kind of pause him every couple of seconds saying that 'it's been a while' and he told me it has been for him too. We made out with him on top of me touching and all but we never took off clothes and when he tried to pull my shirt down I straight up stopped him. Eventually he went to get a condom and I just sat up and told him it couldn't happen.

 

I tried telling him my thoughts on it all, trying to explain that I want to know more of someone before things like that happen. Not long after, he told me he had to go back to what he had been sorting out before because he got a message from the place and unfortunately he had to go. I was surprised. I think he was being honest but I'm not sure. I don't know if it was an excuse to cut things short since it didn't go further, I just vaguely said to him "you shouldn't do that to people" and he brushed off the comment.

 

He took me to my stop and he knew I was thinking about it all. He tried just talking as a friend again. I am glad we didn't sleep together, but he did touch me all around even though I didn't take off clothes or anything I still feel ashamed because I wasn't expecting the day to turn out that way. We haven't texted since then (two days ago).

 

I would like to know what he would be thinking now. Do I just give off a vibe or something?

I am not looking for a heat of the moment thing. Yet it seems like I gave off that vibe.

 

I just don't want to go through heartbreak again. It has been a hurtful time this past year fkr me.

I am 20 years old by the way

[StalwartMind]

Sounds like you are having a bit of an inner conflict. On one side you want to take things at a pace where you get to know this guy better before you proceed to further levels of intimacy. Then on the other side you still kissed him despite it perhaps was a bit too soon. Perhaps you did because you do want to feel desire and all the good pleasures we associate when being with someone else.

 

It's easy to be smitten but it takes strength to do what is the best for you. It's impossible to guard yourself completely from a possible heartbreak as you don't control other people and their action. The best we all can ever do is approach things in whatever way we are most comfortable with, and hope everything we feel and give is reciprocated.

 

With age typically comes experience and maturity, but no reason to tell anyone to wait years for a higher chance of meeting someone genuine, as you will find people capable of hurting you at all ages. Even people in their 90s+ can be full of treachery.

 

In hindsight you should perhaps not of kissed him, it really depends on you and what you expect as well as what you feel most comfortable with. Nothing is ever more damaged that it can't be fixed, that is of course if you both are sensible.

[VanessaVanessa]

Thank you for the reply. He texted me two nights ago with "hey, hope youre doing alright". I didn't know how to take that or what it could've been meaning and I just replied with "Yep. Is your friend ok?" (he had been sorting something out on the day things happened about a friend that he mentioned and that's all I could think to reply with). He then sent "they're good. They had just given me a fright." I didn't know what to say so I never replied to that.

 

I guess I just don't know anymore if I should be replying. I sort of feel as though it could only be awkward bringing it up or just bumping into one another again and a part of me just wants to forget it and cut contact. Idk if I should just get over what happened. As a guy he probably isn't focusing on this nearly as much I bet.

[VanessaVanessa]

Should I just avoid him now? Was he trying to open up a dialogue? I don't know what to do. We haven't texted again

[JChristie]

vanessavanessa, you have just experienced being "played". i have had the same date! different person of course! this guy is playing the field and had a slow week.. maybe he was looking thru old text messages and came across one from you and thought, " she was >>> i think i'll give her a text and see if she answers. i don't really care to be her boyfriend, but maybe since she is so young and naive, i can sort of steamroll her into bed"

 

i think you need to let this one go for good. he didn't treat you very well and immediately tried for sex. this is a red light warning sign for me. and it needs to become a warning sign for you.

 

when someone really likes you, they will keep in touch better, for one thing, and they will also treat you with respect and want to talk to you not just kiss and grope. unless you are both on the same page.

 

a lot of young men are fairly predatory in their view of young women. keep this in mind. and also, get clear what you are looking for in a guy. understand that you only need one specific guy. and the clearer you are what kind of a man you are looking for, the easier it will be to spot him when you meet him!

 

hope this helps...

[todreaminblue]

hey vanessa a good sign a guy si disrespectful is when they dont listen to what you say.....you kissed him but he knew you didnt want to take it further and eh went all the way to getting a condom......

 

this sort of situation turns me off dating because i end up in this position all the time....i think to myself its just a kiss......and then it progresses rather quickly.....i am a passionate person and its hard for me because i miss affection and i miss feeling that desire the heart quickening the love..hte kisses to die for....and eventually the sex....thats what i miss most of all the love behind the kisses......the knowing of the guy you are with who respects you and loves you and when he kisses you....you feel that...the expectation of warmth and understanding shared......not a hand on my breast with pinching fingers that want to roam on downwards....that you have to keep holding the hands up and a probing tongue that invades your mouth without warning........bleh

 

 

the best thing i can say is .....now you know.....dont put yourself in a position like this again...get to know the guy publicly.....before you spend time in his company privately...or in a picture theatre even....make sure he respects you...make sure he listens..when you put it out into the light of public eyes...guys are more likely to show some restraint....sometimes even then....they wont.....and i wish you much luck...find a guy who listens and cares what you say....deb

[angel.eyes]

He was looking for a booty call. Your last date was 3 months ago. This "date" was at his place. He couldn't even be bothered to meet you on time when it was at his own place! You were waiting around until you almost gave up before he bothered to get you. No dinner. No entertainment. No nothing. Just him aggressively getting physical after some minimal conversation about how you must be a good kisser.

 

Not sure what you're looking for, but if it's anything other than last-minute hookup on his terms or an FB arrangement, it's not going to be with him. Clearly. He couldn't even meet you on time after you went to his place. When sex was no-go, the "date" ended. He doesn't respect you.

 

Just walk away and ignore him. He doesn't deserve another minute of your time the next time he can't find anyone and gives you a call.

[preraph]

Look, you just keep setting those boundaries and not doing anything that doesn't seem like it's the right time or whatever for yet. Don't worry about how he views you. Just stay true to yourself and what you're ready for or comfortable with. I imagine he's mostly got sex on his mind but that may not be all he's looking for. But do just like you did and don't let him keep you dangling. It's impolite. You have to teach people how to treat you. Don't reward bad behavior.

[VanessaVanessa]

Thank you very much everyone for your replies. I hadn't seen these new posts until now. I think everyone's advice here is pretty spot on. I guess I had just got a different impression of him when we were first getting to know each other. I guess it's best to even go no contact for a bit? We have each other on whatsapp so he would know I'm ignoring him, I suppose I shouldn't care about that however. It sucks knowing he basically wants one thing.