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prettybaked

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Basically,i fell in love with a very good friend of mine.I tried covering it up and hoped that it would go away but when it didnt and the feelings grew more intense, idecided to act on it and tell her. When i did eventually tell her, she rejected it straight out and we stayed away from each other for about 4 months. But then she initiated contact all of a sudden and from then on we spent even more time texting and talking to each other than before, but during this period she kept asking me for a lot of favours and the sort,something which she didnt do a lot during the time we were freinds the first time around.I was still really really in love with her i could not get over her during the time we were apart. And we continued to be this way for around a year or so, and during this time i had told her once again that i stil deeply loved her but she rejected me again and said that i was her best friend and that she couldnt think of me in any other way. This again ripped me apart because despite her rejections i was growing to love her more and more while we stayed friends.And so i decided that it was just too painfull and difficult for me to stay friends with her.I wanted to cut her off but i couldnt do so without telling her what i was doing because i didnt want to hurt her in any way at all.S when i told her she insisted that i stay because she has no other real friends apart from me and that she needed me.And so regardless how how miserable i felt day after day i still remained friends with her.But then i came to know that she has actually for a large part of that year been in a very deep relationship with another guy and has even slept with him.(I had asked her multilple times if she was in a relationship and she gave me a firm no every time i asked).I also found that she broke up with him because he was insanely possesive and basically a maniac.When i learned about this,i was totally devastated, i felt used(iv always felt she kinda was using me), lied to and it just brought me down.I shouldnt have but i decided to confront her about all this and when i did,she just startted crying saying that she didnt want to talk to anyone about her ex(but i found out about her relationship from a friend of hers) and that that relationship totally ruined her life,sent her into depression and all, and when i told her that im ing off and that i have no intention to stay friends with her she again asked me to stay and i coudnt say no(i know im being a total but i really do love her).

Its been two months since that and now i again find myself falling more and more for her.I fear that if i go on like this i might loose it. At the same time i just dont have the heart to disconnect when she is so weak emotionally and when she said she needs me.I just dont know what to do.And recently when i tried cutting her loose again she went all sentimental on me again,even said that in future we could be more than just friends. I dunno if she really means or just said it to keep me around as her doormat. My question is does she even care about me as a friend?if so could it develop into something more?

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Look, of course she's going to date other guys and you don't get to pick them. But I will say that for her to ask you to stay around being only friends after being told twice you have feelings is very very selfish and cruel of her. She IS using you. She seems to have no empathy, so not sure what you see in her. She's not even kind to you and just asking favors and keeping you around like a pet to do her bidding. To hell with her feelings. Tell her you need to go no contact, that being friends with her is serving no purpose for you and is keeping you from moving forward.

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Look, of course she's going to date other guys and you don't get to pick them. /QUOTE]

 

Yeah well i don't have a problem with her dating.I was offended cuz she chose not to tell me even though she knew i had feelings for her.I wouldn't say she's all that mean though while she does ask me a lotta favours she also helps me out now nd then when i ask for anything.And other than the fact that she wants me to stay no matter what, she is actually pretty sweet to me. I tried walking out on her,but when she keeps coming back with tears, what am i supposed to do? How do i shut out my feelings? How do i stop caring?

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I tried walking out on her,but when she keeps coming back with tears, what am i supposed to do?

 

You gently but firmly tell her that due to concern for your own emotional well being you can't keep allowing her to use you like an emotional tampon. You keep downplaying it but that's exactly what she's been doing ever since she learned she had some emotional leverage on you.

 

How do i shut out my feelings? How do i stop caring?

 

You don't shut them out, you fill your life so full of other connections with friends, people & activities you enjoy that DON'T involve your toxic co-dependent friendship so that you don't HAVE time to dwell on them.

 

Have you been dating AT ALL during all this time or have you just been at her beck & call with not much going on? Cause it's sounding like the latter judging from your lack of moving on.

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Well i can't say my social life is amazing but its not pretty bad either.Since i run a business which takes up most of my time i don't go out as much as i used to during my college days.But, i still do have my friends and still go out at least twice a week. Yes, I'm sure she realises she's got me hooked,i ain't gonna say no cuz that is a fact and i accept that. We have NOT been dating at all,never have.According to her I'm her so called best friend. Is it even possible to change the way i feel about her (given that she is clearly not interested) while staying friends? It probably will be easier to just cut her out, but i would like to know if there is an alternative.

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When you get tired of being miserable, you'll do something about it. As long as you're going out and meeting other women, you're not too far gone, I guess. Just know this isn't going anywhere and try to be rational that you wouldn't want it to because she is just very selfish. I cannot fathom why you think it's her duty to tell you who she's going out with though. She's not going out with you, so that's really all you need to know.

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When you get tired of being miserable, you'll do something about it. As long as you're going out and meeting other women, you're not too far gone, I guess

 

Well tbh, i am quite tired of being manipulated.While i do meet other women now, i find that I'm not one bit attracted to them in a romantic sense, as friends and buddies yes,but i just can't seem to develop any kind of feelings for any girl i meet. I'm guessing it will stay that way until I'm free of my current predicament.

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^ Good enough reason to intentionally free yourself from the predicament, so you can move on. It's admirable to only have eyes for one woman, but as a person who is like that, I know it's also detrimental to your own happiness at times and makes it hard to move on. I had to literally force myself to see other guys when I didn't feel like it.

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^ I know it's also detrimental to your own happiness at times and makes it hard to move on. I had to literally force myself to see other guys when I didn't feel like it.

 

Yeah,makes if infinitely harder to let go and move on. I guess i should try doing the same,if its even possible to intentionally fall in love that is.

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It's important to create a big and busy enough life that one unrequited love affair doesn't seem as central to your existence. It truly takes discipline to control yourself, but once you see the beneficial results from it, it becomes easier in the future.

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