Jump to content

a broken modern love.


Recommended Posts

I have been dating a girl for a few months now. She is a 21 year old korean girl. Having taken a gap year she has come to London to study English. I met her here and we started dating. At first I was weary and I would try and not let her become too attached, as I couldn't trust myself to love her honestly - I knew she only had a few months before leaving. I have been in long distance relationships before, and I knew I wouldn't want to go through something like that again. Having discussed this with her, without really talking about it directly, we decided to go for it and leave no regrets. I've dated korean girls before, and as I have lived in Korea for a few years, we got along well. She seems to really like me a lot and I wanted to make good memories for us both with the little time we had.

 

I have met a fair share of girls and I have been in loving relationships many times. The problem this time is: She is trying to come across as a really pure and innocent girl, but she lies about who she hangs out with, and where she goes, and scans through my questions about her and her past quite carefully, responding very cautiously. sometimes ignoring my questions completely. her poor lying and diversion tactics are easily seen through. I've seen her phone when she's in the toilet etc... and seen pictures and messages which tell a different story. Mostly, she isn't really doing anything bad at all, and I am fine with it all, but I am confused about why she is lying to me.

 

In one of her notes on her phone, she even wrote an entry about how she believes that while she is young she should gain as much experience as possible, but the only way to do that is by deleting and hiding, and that even she feels embarrassed to do this so often.

 

I understand how she feels, as I used to be like that as well when I was younger. but I learned later that lying to those you love is selfish, self destructive and scarring. The memories of you lying to those you truely love never disappear. and it makes lying to those you love even easier in the future. To be honest, if I was younger I would have had a major tantrum by now and called her a lying etcetc, but now I put it in a different perspective. I am happier knowing that my assumptions were correct and that at least I am in control of this situation. I am also happy that she likes me and wants me. We have a lot of sex every time we meet and she plays the role of a gf quite well. Now that I'm older I can forget the dishonesty and lies when I'm with her. and I have become quite reserved about how much of my heart I give her. I used to be completely open and honest about myself, but now I select what I say.

 

It's ironic because I am protective of her, as she is younger than me. I want her love, and I want to give her my love. Yet I don't want either of us to get too close or become too distant. I know how hard and hurt it is to keep a long distance relationship going, and I would be happy for her if she just returned to korea and forgot about me easily. So in a way, I'm happy that she's doing the lying, as it has kelpt me from falling madly in love.

 

I think about revenge sometimes. I think the ultimate revenge is that I am sleeping with her and being a good boyfriend - making good memories and not leaving her side. yet I have no intention of either showing her my true self or loving her deeply. I myself am not a good liar. I can't play a role very well. At the end I think she will realize what I am doing and leave me. And at that point, it will be the best for us both.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

This summer I tried dating a lot for the first time. While it was easy to make girls like me and chase me to be their bfs, none of them really measured up enough to be my gf. I realised it's actually harder to find someone you really like when you are looking... This girl has chased me too, and I've let her go the furthest with me. She's leaving soon in Feb... break up now or later there won't be much difference. I will just bang her more in the meantime.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...