What happened to Friends with Benefits?!?!

[FWB]

Okay.. I'm shocked I'm even coming to the media to ask for help..

 

Let me try to put all the details in.. This is going to be long lol..

 

I'm 33.. I live in a small town.. VERY small.. and I met this guy (33) not from around here.. he's only working here with the state on repairs.. We started talking as friends.. the attraction was definitely mutual.. we texted ALL the time.. pics exchanged.. videos.. sexts.. the whole nine.. we chilled and things were great.. nothing beyond kissing at first.. He plainly told me he wasn't looking for a relationship because he knew that he wasn't going to be here long.. maybe 8-10 months.. He is a real honest person.. he tells me from the start.. He may be a lot of things.. but he's definitely not a LIAR.. Okay great.. he mentions Friends with benefits.. At first I didn't think I could do it.. I've NEVER had a FWB.. I'm a relationship type of woman.. but his curiosity got the best of me.. he didn't push me.. he respected my decision and told me not to do it unless I thought I could handle it.. Okay.. sooooo after about 3 weeks.. he comes over.. we're chillin' and we're talking about the whole ordeal and I say I'm not sure I can handle the FWB.. I may catch feelings.. but at the same time.. I want to soooo bad.. a little time goes by and he makes me feel comfortable.. and one thing leads to another and for 5 hours we're getting it on.. things were great.. I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.. then it was time for him to go.. he didn't want to leave but he had to be at work in 4 hours.. Soooo the next day.. here comes the text.. I ask him how'd he sleep.. he says not good because he started feeling f'd up and selfish about it.. I ask How? He said he feels like he pushed me to do it when I wasn't sure.. I said I'm a grown woman.. I did what I wanted to do regardless.. He says.. I don't know.. you clearly said before we did anything that you were worried about catching feelings and I still pushed you to do it.. I don't feel good about it.. so I'm like.. Now what? He says.. I don't want to hurt feelings and end up being a dick.. I just don't see things ending well after what you told me and I shouldn't have pushed you last night.. I legit feel ****ty.. I tell him.. I didn't have to do it if I didn't want to.. regardless if he pushed me a little to make me feel comfortable or whatever.. I accepted the fact that it was just going to be FWB and no emotions involved.. He said he needed to let it marinate and that he didn't want to get caught up.. I asked caught up how? He said with feelings and problems that extend from feelings.. I explained to him I could control my feelings.. and he knows how to control his.. if it got too much for me I could speak up.. He says OK.. so no more texting for 6 hours.. I text him.. You okay? He responds quick.. Yeah I'm good.. I said what's up.. The whole convo earlier left me for a blank.. He says.. It's cool.. We will do our thing as long as it's cool.. I tell him.. Get your feelings together.. cuz I'm okay with everything.. smiley face.. He says.. Lol ok... I ask him hows his day.. blah.. Okay next day.. I text him Good morning.. NO response.. so after 5 hours.. I ask him if he's ignoring me or what.. I don't want to keep texting him if he doesn't want me hitting him up.. I'm not used him not responding to me.. He responds quickly.. I have family problems right now.. My uncle is dying.. sick out of no where.. (mind you all of his family is 8hrs away) I respond.. Sorry to hear that I don't want to add to the stress.. I'm just trying to see what's up.. I don't want to bother you if you don't want to be bothered.. end of convo.. 6 hours later.. I hit him up saying.. Just checking on you.. praying for your uncle and hoping for the best.. he responds quickly.. Thank you... end of convo... nothing the next day.. I restrain from texting him.. as hard as it is for me not to text him and ask him how he's doing.. I fight the urge.. now day 2 of no texts.. I'm trying to decide if I should just wait for him to text me or should I hit him up and check on him.. I don't want to be doing too much or "bother him" but I'm over here like WTF.. it's not like he promised me a relationship and he got some ass and now he's wanting to bail.. We agreed from the git go it was just about Friends with benefits.. It just doesn't make ANY sense to me.. We went from texting all the time to nothing.. I mean I know he said he had family problems.. I respect that.. but still.. wtf? His office is down the street from my house.. we only live 10 mins from each other.. in a SMALL town.. it's not like we can avoid each other.. It's just crazy.. I don't want to be tripping behind this.. but I stepped out of MY comfort zone and opened myself up to him and now this.. I'm not understanding how this **** works.. I've never in my life dealt with anything like this before.. so I'm just kind of shocked.. I just want to know if I should wait it out.. or quit wasting my time.. that's why it's hard for me not to text him and be like.. WHAT IS REALLY UP?!?! But I've fought the urge to text yesterday.. but today is a whole new day.. I need help lol.. and this is where y'all come in at.. Let me know your opinions.. what should I do.. what SHOULDN'T I do.. anything.. I appreciate it sooo much!

[GildedLily]

From what you posted the only conclusion is, he didn't like the sex that much. Maybe the chemistry wasn't there as much as he thought it would be and this proposed FWB was just a one night stand? In any case I would take your pride back and not call or text again, he's a grown man, if he's not ok, he knows where to go to find help. He's acting as though he wants you to leave him be. Sorry!

[FWB]

That makes no sense though.. Trust me.. things could have went very differently if he didn't enjoy it.. I even asked him that.. his actions and how things were during everything proved he was enjoying it.. even said some things were AMAZING and wanted more.. that's why THAT isn't even on my mind..

 

But then again.. who knows

[mammasita]

Are you sure he isn't married/attached. He might be feeling guilty.

[FWB]

I don't think he's married.. but if he's messing with someone back where he's from.. not sure.. he said he's single.. he travels too much for work to have a relationship.. if I REALLY wanted to be nosy I could find out through Facebook.. he's showed me his family on there when he was showing me pics.. so I don't think that's the case..

[travelbug1996]

The texting all the time was just to set you up for the banana int he tail pipe. He's not with all that texting now that he got what he wanted. He's managing down your expectations.

 

You are not his woman so he doesn't have to respond to you.

 

Your position as a fwb is just to get screwed. (I don't understand why women fall for this crap, it rarely benefits them)

 

He told you he would turn into a jerk. Leave him alone. He'll be back but only to f^ck.

 

Block him because you know you're not okay with this set up.

[EverLastluv]

why are you texting him? you agree to the terms!! You can get him trouble with whoever he is with were he live. So you know now leave him alone when he is back in towne he will hit you up when he wants some thats the definition of friends with benifits.

sorry but get a hold of your self and find someone else who would kick off a nice relathionship.

[StrongLass]

You went from harmless friend to full-blown liability to the women he'll want to actually date. Of course he's reduced his involvement. You're no longer on his priority list nor will you continue to be so long as you accept this arrangement that clearly you're not REALLY ok with.

[Tayla]

Op: rule 1- stop the emotional side. the post reeked of your emotions. its for lack of a better term, a business transaction of goods being exchanged. the texting should be for apptments set or change in venue. Otherwise he doesnt owe you a response on his private /personal events. I did think it funny that its a small town, is it one blinking light and two houses? We have a town whos name is longer then its two block measurement