I'm New at This, So Come Lend a Hand!

[Fac3Value]

Evenin' All,

 

How would you wonderful people like to help someone who has never been in a relationship before learn how to start and maintain one?

 

I'm a college student. I've never been in a relationship before. Never even been on a date. This semester a new girl in my program moved onto my floor. We became friends pretty quickly. However, I noticed that she does a handful of things that seem to suggest she wants to be more. I might be horribly mistaken, but that's why I need you guys to help me.

 

Firstly, she stares at me. Like a lot. I noticed it a while ago and others in my program have noticed and told me, as well. Second, she smiles or laughs at almost anything I say. She's rather serious, but I can always get her to crack a smile. Also, any time the two of us are in a larger group of people, she makes a noticeable effort to always be in my proximity. There are a few other small things she does, but the more I list the more I feel like I'm reading too much in to this.

 

So, let's say she's in to me (is she?), and lets say I'm interested in her (which I'm pretty sure I am). What do I even do? I only know two things about relationships:

1. Even though I have no idea what I'm doing, I need to act like I do.

2. The longer I wait to take action, the worse my chances will be.

 

The first thing I should probably do is ask her out on a date. Sounds simple, but I've never been on a date before. Where do we go and what do I do? Then what?

 

This is where I need your help! I don't care if you give me a detailed game plan or a sentence of advice. There is literally nothing you can tell me about dating and relationships that I already know, so fire away. Any help is appreciated.

 

Thanks guys.

[Ronni_W]

Yes, the sooner you act, the better.

 

No, that first one is really not the best "knowledge" to have about relationships; in fact, it's really bad "knowledge". Because...if you try to act like you know what you really don't know, then you will always feel uncomfortable and out of your depth, and other people will sooner than later catch-on that you're just a sham or con-artist.

 

How to fix that is to ACTUALLY take the time to learn about the subject so that you ACTUALLY know what to do and how to act in the given situation. For that, Google 'first date advice' and 'first relationship advice'. Then Google 'communication skills', 'conflict resolution skills', 'listening skills' and 'emotional intelligence'.

 

The more you ACTUALLY know, the more confident you will feel and act (be), and THAT will be clear to one and all.

 

Last but not least, also ACTUALLY learn some sex skills (in preparation for when you're ready to start having sex...whenever that may be...no need to rush it until YOU are good and ready, and have a ready and willing partner). For starters, search 'she comes first' and 'the clitoral truth'. I don't have any suggestions for 'how to stay up all night'-type books...but search on that theme.

 

You don't have to ask her out on a "date" -- just for coffee or to study together. That's just the same as when you do it with your "regular" friends. If you've found out that she likes a particular genre of movie or actor/actress, or there's a particular lecture/talk/lecturer happening, then you can mention that you're going and ask if she wants to join-in. (But, even if she says 'no', you might still want to go 'cos she may ask you about it.)

That is, don't tell yourself that it's a "date" if that word will throw you off from just being your normal self as you are with your "regular" friends.

 

That's it, really. Do your research. EDUCATE and INFORM yourself. That''s not just logical, sensible and necessary for landing your perfect job. It's also needed for becoming a valuable and competent relationship partner, spouse, supervisor, parent, business owner, sex partner, etc.

The only mistake is to think-believe that you "should" know how to do any of that. We don't; those are learned skills; we have to make the time and effort to learn it.

 

Best of luck.

[RoguePrincess]

I agree with Ronni_W's advice.

 

In addition, I'd like to reiterate finding out what she likes. Pay attention to things she mentions off-handedly. Things like wanting to try out a new restaurant or suggesting that you watch a certain movie. She might be saying these things so you'll ask her if she wants to do them together. Don't get paranoid if she says no, as that may not be the case. But it wouldn't hurt for you to put yourself out there a little and ask her to do something she seems interested in, especially since she's giving off all of the classic flirtation vibes to you.

 

On the other hand, if you bring up something you're interested in, ask her if she'd like to come. Or if she asks if she can tag along, say yes. Learning about each other's interests is a big part of dating.

 

If you do go out, make sure to be a gentleman. Hold open doors for her. Offer to pay. Say please, thank you, excuse me, and you're welcome. And most importantly, be polite to the wait staff and employees you two come into contact with. Her opinion of you will drop if you're rude to the help. Trust me, I know.

 

So, that's my advice for going out on a date with her. But the most important advice of all is to be yourself! Remember, she likes YOU!