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I really like one of my friends


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So I am 22 and fresh out of college. I went through tramatic heartbreak last year from a man who kept me around but wouldn't make me his girlfriend. The first guy I really gave my heart to and he broke it with his up and down, hold and cold attitude. I miss him often and its been over a year.

 

While in college I met this guy in my classes named vinny. Vinny and I would laugh and joke and I never saw him as anything but someone I would hang out in class with. My roommate was also involved in our friendship. Vinny's last year of college I was seeing that man who I was infatuated with but Vinny and I got to be better friends. We talked more and laughed more and had more in common. I still didn't see him as anything though. Vinny graduated and I was in my last year of school. We surprisingly kept in contact. He always made me laugh. We got along so well. I was still in turmoil with the love of my life at the time. And my roommate and I were having issues. She didn't keep in contact with vinny which was good because he good remained good friends and she and him didn't.

 

Things came to a head when my guy and I seemed to be having issues that he caused that hurt me. I had been in an accident and was barely able to walk due to injury and I felt my guy didn't care. One day Vinny was on campus. He snuck into one of my classes and sat next to me. Though I hadn't seen or talked to him in a while we hit it off like before. He felt so bad for me being hurt and was so sweet to me. This killed me because vinny treated me the way I wanted my love to but he didn't. Vinny held my bags and walked me around campus like a gentleman even blowing off friends to do so.

 

My guy and I got distant. Like hugely distant. To the point of no return. I was so hurt. Vinny and I hung out a bit and had fun. He was my escort to this fancy school function and we danced and had a great time. Every time we would go out and have fun I would then distance myself for a while because I just didn't like him that way.

 

One night vinny and I went out and had the best time. We met up with friends and had drinks and danced. It was kind of like a date but I didn't mean it to be. He must have realized it too because he kept texting me wanting to see me. But I blew him off because I didn't want that from him. More I didn't want more. When I would have events or sports games he would always text me to explain why he couldn't go and it was so considerate. My old guy didn't do that. I have since graduated, dated some other guys and once in a while talk to Vinny. I am sad because he and I are perfect for each other but I just don't feel strongly enough for him. He makes me laugh and we have great chemistry personality wise but I am not attracted to him physically. He treats me so good without being overbearing which is what I need. He is a great match and man for me. But I just don't care for the way he looks and dresses. I can't help it and I can't seem to get over it. I wish it could be better but I can't make myself love someone without having to look at them. I feel like a horrible person because I think he started to fall for me. Vinny doesnt dress good and doesnt take super good care of himself. He isnt fat or dirty but i like to workout and do something active once ib a while snd he doesnt at all. I am not looking for mr.muscles i dont care about that but someone who workouts cares abiut health and appearance. Vinny sometimes wear raggeed clothes and his hair is nothing special. My ex embraced all of those things keepijg my attraction. My ex, the guy who wouldn't commit was great looking and we had great personality chemistry and I was attracted to him physically. I wanted to kiss him all the time and just be touching him. But with vinny I love talking to him and being with him. He makes me feel good. I wish more than anything I could love him more.

Edited by amkxoxo
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Hahahaha Vinny put himself firmly in the friendzone.

This is such a great friendzone story from a woman's perspective, I want everyone to read this

 

Even though your ex didnt care for you too much, you still like his style, and you liked the way that he lived life on his own terms.

 

Its totally understandable.

 

Good story.

Now try to get over them both, and move on OP

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such a fine line between friendzone and caring bf. The only thing that seperates the two for me is that if i'm attracted to somebody I try to date them. Don't tend to try and be a friend first.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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So I am 22 and fresh out of college. I went through tramatic heartbreak last year from a man who kept me around but wouldn't make me his girlfriend. The first guy I really gave my heart to and he broke it with his up and down, hold and cold attitude. I miss him often and its been over a year.

 

While in college I met this guy in my classes named vinny. Vinny and I would laugh and joke and I never saw him as anything but someone I would hang out in class with. My roommate was also involved in our friendship. Vinny's last year of college I was seeing that man who I was infatuated with but Vinny and I got to be better friends. We talked more and laughed more and had more in common. I still didn't see him as anything though. Vinny graduated and I was in my last year of school. We surprisingly kept in contact. He always made me laugh. We got along so well. I was still in turmoil with the love of my life at the time. And my roommate and I were having issues. She didn't keep in contact with vinny which was good because he good remained good friends and she and him didn't.

 

Things came to a head when my guy and I seemed to be having issues that he caused that hurt me. I had been in an accident and was barely able to walk due to injury and I felt my guy didn't care. One day Vinny was on campus. He snuck into one of my classes and sat next to me. Though I hadn't seen or talked to him in a while we hit it off like before. He felt so bad for me being hurt and was so sweet to me. This killed me because vinny treated me the way I wanted my love to but he didn't. Vinny held my bags and walked me around campus like a gentleman even blowing off friends to do so.

 

My guy and I got distant. Like hugely distant. To the point of no return. I was so hurt. Vinny and I hung out a bit and had fun. He was my escort to this fancy school function and we danced and had a great time. Every time we would go out and have fun I would then distance myself for a while because I just didn't like him that way.

 

One night vinny and I went out and had the best time. We met up with friends and had drinks and danced. It was kind of like a date but I didn't mean it to be. He must have realized it too because he kept texting me wanting to see me. But I blew him off because I didn't want that from him. More I didn't want more. When I would have events or sports games he would always text me to explain why he couldn't go and it was so considerate. My old guy didn't do that. I have since graduated, dated some other guys and once in a while talk to Vinny. I am sad because he and I are perfect for each other but I just don't feel strongly enough for him. He makes me laugh and we have great chemistry personality wise but I am not attracted to him physically. He treats me so good without being overbearing which is what I need. He is a great match and man for me. But I just don't care for the way he looks and dresses. I can't help it and I can't seem to get over it. I wish it could be better but I can't make myself love someone without having to look at them. I feel like a horrible person because I think he started to fall for me. Vinny doesnt dress good and doesnt take super good care of himself. He isnt fat or dirty but i like to workout and do something active once ib a while snd he doesnt at all. I am not looking for mr.muscles i dont care about that but someone who workouts cares abiut health and appearance. Vinny sometimes wear raggeed clothes and his hair is nothing special. My ex embraced all of those things keepijg my attraction. My ex, the guy who wouldn't commit was great looking and we had great personality chemistry and I was attracted to him physically. I wanted to kiss him all the time and just be touching him. But with vinny I love talking to him and being with him. He makes me feel good. I wish more than anything I could love him more.

 

LOL. Great story bro. Keep Vinny around longer. You always need someone to make you feel good when you're down. You know, when you need affirmation that someone can like you.

 

You can't help but like what you like. Such is life. But physical beauty fades. Sow your wild oats. A lot of relationships are about timing and if I had to guess you're probably 23-25. In a few years of getting plowed by attractive douches, you'll learn that character is important. (Edit, LOLs you said you were 22, damn I was close.)

 

No, seriously, keep Vinny around for another 10 years. Even hint now that girls, especially you, care about health and fitness. Suggest he make some changes. If he does, wow, even better... in either case, when girls grow up, they will realize that Vinny is a catch. You will lose your chance with him. Maybe it won't be a big deal, but I hope it causes you regret.

 

I was Vinny. 10 years later, I have had several girls who just wanted to be friends in college express a greater desire now. It makes me feel good that I avoided shallow girls like them in College. Fortunate, because I didn't see it when I was younger, because I was too busy wondering what was wrong with me. Now they're almost 30 and running out of hot, it's great.

 

Anyway, good luck. Think about what is important when your 50, and ask yourself if that you want to start the long term path now, if so, maybe consider what you can do. Maybe talk to him about it some changes he could make and see if he does. Then date him. If not, don't date Vinny, but really try not to lead him on. I don't think you are from what you said, but if you aren't careful, you could lose him as a friend.

Edited by Chemist
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I don't want to hurt Vinny. I don't think we liked each other or even saw each other as anything when we first became friends. I am so dumbfounded at how well we do get along. And how much I laugh. Like I have some guy friends and some are closer than others. Even guys I have dated, I don't have so much personality and chemistry with them than Vinny and I do. I connect to some and not to others. I always think people don't see me. They don't notice me. My mother says this is a flaw of mine. I am great and have a lot to offer but I never think of it that way. I always feel the need to prove myself to someone and some guys will just like me after a short time and I feel like they don't truly know me so their praise of me freaks me out. My ex truly got to know me. When he gave me praise I believed him and loved it. I am not a slut who goes sleeping around. I'm actually still a virgin. My ex stayed with me 8 months on and off and we didn't have sex. We got close many times but we didn't. I wanted a boyfriend and he knew this. I wanted someone to stick around. I don't want Vinny to change the way he is. It stinks he isn't into his body image. I hate egotistical people who are all about image. I don't want to come across that I am like this and I hope you all don't think I am. I value personality, someones goals, and hobbies, and someone who loves their family, and someone who has passion for life. Vinny doesn't really have any hobbies, no sports, video games, music, etc... I enjoy many things and can relate to other people who do. Again, my ex loved certain hobbies and we valued each other in this way. Supported each other.

 

 

I enjoy exercising and going to the gym. I am not the skinniest girl but I like working out because I feel better. And to me working out means you take pride in yourself. Also in my eyes Vinny kind of gave up on his career. Jobs are scarce and a degree means nothing. Vinny has applied for job after job and has gotten turned down. Its almost been two years. He now works at walmart and hopes to become a supervisor to make more money. I commend him for working but for me, I want to follow my dreams and I won't give up searching. I work part time and am looking frantically for a job. I need one. I don't want to be working part time at a mall for the rest of my life. Its not attractive to me that Vinny is settling in my eyes. My ex waited and tried and now has a job in his field. I'm proud of him. That is what he and I had in common. Our drive. Our dreams. We had similar life paths which we wanted to follow. Like what makes me sad is if my ex came back tomorrow, I would have to think about it but I would probably leave Vinny and run to him. To me this isn't fair for me to be with anyone, its not fair to them.

Edited by amkxoxo
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The title of this thread is confusing, I thought you had romantic feelings for your friend.

 

I'd suggest leave him alone and fade away from his life, at least for a while until he finds someone. Don't give him false hopes and don't string him along. You might like him as a friend, but if he wants more than that, then your friendship is already non-existent.

 

If you truly care for him, leave him alone and look elsewhere for people who are more like your ex. You don't want to hurt him, but unless you agree to date him, you are already hurting him. Better hurt him with a clear answer than torture him forever because you're too afraid to be honest with him.

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I understand your dilemma. You are both still young, so there is still hope that Vinny will blossom into a man who has aspirations that will make him step up his style. You are in a position to maybe influence him that way by spending time with him and taking him shopping and making him try on a new outfit and saying how he looks like a different man in it or very masculine or whatever. You can tell him you have a hair stylist that did miracles for someone you know and try to see if he can be interested in looking better. But if he's dedicated to being grungy and it's part of his philosophy that that shouldn't matter, there's no point in even trying. I mean, surely he can see that you are hanging out with guys who try to look good. I mean, he can't be blind to that.

 

You could agree to go on a date and then before you get off the phone, follow up with "Oh, I can't wait, I've never seen you in anything but jeans and a t-shirt, so what are you planning on wearing on our date?" It will give him time to go on an emergency shopping spree. Once you're with him, maybe you can get him to work out some -- or not. But do make it clear you expect him to dress up if you're going out with him. You do have a right to have certain expectations. You don't want to be limited to eating at Subway just because that's the only place you can go dressed like a ten year old.

 

Also, you might have a friend who can cut his hair for free or hire one to do it on the QT. I'm not a suit-and-tie person and never have been, but I did pretty much always want someone who looked cool and put some thought into their image and wasn't afraid to dress and keep their hair.

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Like we did go to a fancy event at school and he wore a suit and tie. He looked nice. But the event called for it. I don't expect him to look like james bond always. But I like to shop and look nice and put together. He doesn't even wear jeans. He literally wears these cargo pants everyday. I hate them. He must have 20 of the same pair in his closet. Ad he wears ratty t shirts that don't fit well and aren't nice colors. No style. He wears crappy un-fashionable sneakers. I cant stand it. His hair is plain and it looks like he wakes up with it and combs it down and bam. Its frustrating. Like my ex woe jeans and t shirts but he looked good. And he would wear this cool necklace he loved with certain shirts claiming "I like it with this outfit". My ex loved body sprays and cologne and to me it showed he took pride in himself. He would wear cool shoes and had a bit of a surfer/punk style. I loved it. He has great hair and would spend a few minutes making it look good. Or when he had facial hair he would groom. He had a look. I like that. Vinny's look is lazy. I dated another guy who wasn't unto shopping or fashion but he had a style. He fixed his hair and was very pretty. I liked that. He had a look. I don't want to hurt Vinny by wanting him to change. I may not feel that instant spark if he does change because I will still know the person he was and he is that person inside.

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Well, I get it, but don't give up on Vinny. At your age, I didn't have much of a style either and no money to get one. He may never get a style, either, but if he does it should come along in the next handful of years. What he needs is a stylish male best friend to push him along in that regard. Doesn't hurt coming from men. You definitely can't bring up the ex to him about it. Is there any stylish guy you might introduce him to hoping they become buds. You know, if a guy decides he thinks another guy is cool, sometimes he'll copy them or the guy will show them the way. I know it's better if they're self-motivated, but got to say at that age, most aren't.....at least not where I went to college.

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He hangs out a lot with family members, cousins. I don't know what they are like. He did live in the dorms in college with frat guys. I guess they didn't rub off on him. He has friends. Not the most attractive bunch but nice guys. I don't think he cares.

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People should dress for who they want to be at least part of the time if they ever want to get anywhere. I do think totally not having a style or caring to project some type of image, whatever it is, says a lot about a person. Vinny seems to like the OP, but he's putting forth no effort to appear attractive to her except that one occasion. Some men can be changed in that regard and will relinquish the shopping to their woman and let them keep them looking good, but those who steadfastly refuse to budge would get my hands down. I don't care if I guy wears holey jeans as long as he's got an edgy haircut or some flair of some kind going on and is projecting an interesting self-image.

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