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Has a FWB relationship ever worked out for you?


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Atticus9292012

Yes, but you have to keep the relationship about sex. No talking about your lives. Its only worked with someone I thought was attractive, but I wasn't really into who they were as a person.

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She tried to make it into an actual relationship, but I kept telling her that I'm not interested in anything more. She was looking for something more, and I wasn't. She only accepted a FWB with me because she felt like I would change my mind down the road. Short term, FWB's can be great if both parties understand that it's specifically a friendly and sexual relationship, and nothing more. However, I believe that over time...at least one person starts having desire for something more, and it throws the interactions off balance.

 

FWB's are great provided both parties are very communicative about their wants and needs.

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I started one years ago in grad school & ended up living with him for almost 10 years. Including the year we were just FWB we were together for almost 12 years.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Looking Outside In
Just curious for those that have been in a FWB situation-has it became anything more like an actual, real relationship?

 

 

(scratching head) I didn't know that FWB ever existed till I was in my mid 20's. When I first heard the term, my initial reply was identical to that of Sheldon from "Big Bang". I thought it literally had something to do with health insurance or something. I really had no idea as to the benefits aspect of that. I think that woman was more like a relationship surrogate than anything-between FWB and a real relationship if that makes any sense.

 

Regardless, there are 2 women in particular the come to mind. The first, I lost my virginity too. We tried to make it a "relationship", but my head wasn't there for that. However, we did have sex on subsequent occasions. I felt "comfy" with her for that. It wasn't a relationship though.

 

The second attempt, she wanted something way more than FWB-and I finally learned what physical incompatibility was about. After talking to another female friend and having an explicit but serious discussion, that's what that issue was.

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Yes, but you have to keep the relationship about sex. No talking about your lives. Its only worked with someone I thought was attractive, but I wasn't really into who they were as a person.

 

 

 

I've had a couple of FWBs.

 

 

I can talk about my life with them, and hang out with them and have a nice time; but the difference is that there's no handholding or sleeping in the same bed after sex.

 

 

I'm a woman and, even if I knew the chemistry wasn't there for something more, I'd develop some romantic feelings if we were to do that regularly.

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All of them have "worked out" for me for because they were what I was looking for, a fun, no drama, no expectations way of having some fun and companionship without expectation or hopes that it would be anything more.

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.....but that wasn't really what you are asking is it?

 

 

What you are really asking is, " if I settle for being this guy's sex toy, will he eventually change his feelings for me and commit to me in a real relationship?"

 

In many ways this is like getting a free kitten and hoping it will turn into a faithful golden retriever or buying a junker Chevy and hoping it turns into a nice Lexus.

 

But in truth it 'can' occur. Our 19th anniversary will be next month :-)

 

But the thing you have to keep in mind is to get a relationship out of FWB situations, you are likely going to have to kiss a hundred frogs before you get that one Prince. And you are going to have to be head and shoulders above the rest of his other FB s and FWBs before he'll consider you as relationship material.

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I sometimes think all relationships start out as FWBs since no-one really knows how much they will stick around until they really get to know each other and there is a significant number of people that simply don't plan to stay long term, regardless how much time they spend with you and what they call your 'relationship'.

 

The answer is yes but the difference is that he was very open from the start about past hurts and he effectively wanted to take it slow. Rather than not being interested in attachment in the first place.

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Eternal Sunshine

My good friend started as a FWB and now they have been living together for 2 years. First 6 months were very casual (because he wanted it) but once he committed, it was smooth sailing.

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Accountability101

I've had a FWB for over 30 years. We both have had other romantic relationships but enjoy each other too much to say goodby. I think of him as a close friend and keep his happiness as my goal. He feels the same way. So we support each other's primary attachments without jealousy or resentment.

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All but the last two relationships were FWB.

 

The first ever relationship I had started as a live in FWB for a year. I found at the end of the relationship, I was not considered the friend I thought I was. I got too attached and had my heart ripped out by NC.

 

The other 3 were FWB, short term, one being married and I just could not continue. The other for ended up in a 4 month live in relationship only to find her controlling and un-trusting. Another FWB was pregnant and short lived, as we both were in turmoil by her wanting to be with the father and sharing attachment.

 

I had 3 months of FWB to become a live in BF/GF for 5 years and then married her.

 

I never really dated, just ended up with relationships from friendships.

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All of my FWB relationships worked very well for us both. When the benefits ended for whatever reason we remained friends, which to me is the true success measure of these agreements.

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Yep. They can work if you're sure you're both not getting emotionally invested. If feelings or complications start to arise, that's when you need to cut it off. They have to be temporary arrangements.

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still_an_Angel

Nope, it was never meant to graduate to a relationship. I told him that I met someone with whom I would like to have a relationship with so my FWB wished me well and told me to look him up if my relationship doesn't turn out well.

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I would say yes, as the point of a FWB is not to have it become a relationship. Most of my FWB ran their course naturally and then ended with no drama and no issues!

 

2 of them became relationships, but that wasn't the goal when we started out.

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Just curious for those that have been in a FWB situation-has it became anything more like an actual, real relationship?

 

Nope.

 

Not in my own experience.

 

No FWB has ever become my actual bf.

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