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Diffrence between flirting or friendly


FaithInTheDark

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FaithInTheDark

Hi so I'm curious about what people's views are when it comes to figuring out if a guy us being friendly or having interest if something more.

I've formed a bit of a friend ship with this guy that I kind of adore.

I just really respect him and he's super cute.

So I haven't seen him in quite a while and he texts me out of the blue . Saying "we should hang out sometime and says he's thinking about me."

After some text exchange he says he needs some " Lisa time" (me) and seemed excited for me to come to his place.

So we hung out just us two on the couch ... We had some good conversations and laughs ... But he didn't make any moves. Not that I was expecting him too but I guess a part of me is attracted to him. I'm not sure if he's shy or just wanted to hang out.

He kinda mentioned having a couple more drinks but didn't want to if I was leaving.

But I decided to call it a night and went home.

Annnnnyways. I know girls pick apart things guys do, build it up in their head and misread signs ... Lol I'm trying not to do that. But I'm curious how can girls tell if a guy is just being friendly wanting to hang out or interested in more??

Any thoughts ?

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todreaminblue

had an ex who i am friends with say he needed his dose of deb.......so i took my mum with.......he kissed my mum on the cheek......and went straight for my lips......to me intimating any sort of personal time with someone is intimacy...alone together whether affection showed or controlled is still intimate time...even when i tried to minimize the intimacy by taking my mum along with me.......it still became close contact......i would hazard a guess, that the guy has deeper feelings for you....deb......

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Based on the text, appears he likes you and interested in getting to know you better. Likely just trying to take things slow and be a gentleman.

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It worries me a bit he was trying to get you to stay for a couple more drinks, but it may mean absolutely nothing too. It's just that as you can see on this board, there are some guys who think they either have to get you to make the move first or get you incapacitated to work up the nerve. But you'd know what this guy is like. Is he confident, has girlfriends in the past and usually. He doesn't sound all that hesitant since he was straightforward about wanting to hang out. Still, hanging isn't a real date. So it's kind of like he either just wants to hang or he thought he'd see if he could get you over there and get you good and drunk and not invest in a real date. You would know best if he's the dater guy with girlfriends or the guy who stays home, no girlfriends.

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Any thoughts ?

 

If the two of you have been alone and he's confident that you're not involved with anyone, unless he's totally socially inept he can easily segue interactions into the romantic area. I was pretty 'shy' with women for many years and still had no problems 'making moves' with sufficient interest, though it wasn't immediate, like when just meeting them or going on one date; more of a 'slow burn', which of course set well with some women and not with others.

 

Bottom line is most normal men know how to project romantic interest to a woman. It's in our body language, how we hold their gaze, our facial expressions, the words we use. Whether the message is received or not is left to the ether.

 

While I'm typing this, I'm watching Arthur Kennedy make the moves on Martha Hyer in an old flick called 'Some came Running'. Oldster making the moves; Martha sits back in the seat (convertible) gazing at the stars (she was driving!) and Arthur slides over, talking in soft tones and running his fingers up her arms. Any casual observer could conclude that their interaction isn't 'friendly' but rather 'romantic'.

 

If the guy doesn't make any moves and you don't make any moves, then simply pop some popcorn and enjoy a good old movie. Nothing wrong with that. Plenty of guys out there who will make the moves. Good luck!

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FaithInTheDark

He is a really respectful guy. I think he was just being friendly... I've been told countless times as well as personal experience .. If a guy is into you...you will know .

Sigh* lol

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It worries me a bit he was trying to get you to stay for a couple more drinks, but it may mean absolutely nothing too. It's just that as you can see on this board, there are some guys who think they either have to get you to make the move first or get you incapacitated to work up the nerve. But you'd know what this guy is like. Is he confident, has girlfriends in the past and usually. He doesn't sound all that hesitant since he was straightforward about wanting to hang out. Still, hanging isn't a real date. So it's kind of like he either just wants to hang or he thought he'd see if he could get you over there and get you good and drunk and not invest in a real date. You would know best if he's the dater guy with girlfriends or the guy who stays home, no girlfriends.

 

I have to agree with this. The fact that he was trying to get you to have a few more drinks and stay concerns me as well. And the phrase "we should hang out sometime" is often code for "I want a hook-up and don't want to invest in a real date with you." Sad but true. I could be wrong of course, but from the OP's description it sounds like he's hoping for a hook-up with no strings attached. - Cris

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FaithInTheDark
I have to agree with this. The fact that he was trying to get you to have a few more drinks and stay concerns me as well. And the phrase "we should hang out sometime" is often code for "I want a hook-up and don't want to invest in a real date with you." Sad but true. I could be wrong of course, but from the OP's description it sounds like he's hoping for a hook-up with no strings attached. - Cris

 

I really don't think he was trying to get me drunk lol. But I have a hard time seeing him asking to hang out is code for hooking up since were friends and have hung out before.

Just the texts saying " thinking of ya" " I need some Lisa time " kinda throw me for a loop

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sdrawkcaB ssA

i asked a simple question about such a thing, and peeps could not answer in a way that i understood.

 

they all thought i was expecting checkout clerks to be flirty. Well it is peeps in genral that don't know me.

 

 

all i notice if noticing is... quick head turns or odd sarcy sounds. like i go out of my way to show i am not checking them out, yet it happens. i am beyond letting it bother me, just puzzled time to time when i see others raise the same q.

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OP,

You're probably being too formally analytical.

If he's being respectful to a fault, relax and enjoy it.

(Consider the opposite behavior, for a moment.)

 

Just because he's not 'smitten' on the spot, doesn't mean that you won't grow on him.

Instant gratification provides the same results as Nescafe........short on satisfaction.

 

I was 25 years old before I put the 'moves' on somebody (and my romantic career was already 10 years on, by then.

Before that?

I operated a lot like the fella you describe.

Results?

They weren't bad at all. I was never shy. Just liked to take my time.

 

This whole.......snoozing and losing thing......is for short attention spans.

Sometimes subtlties spice up the mundane, you know?

Patience is indeed a virtue, and sometimes very good things come to those who wait.

Good luck!

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He's either the shiest guy on earth or he's just being friendly & doesn't like you. You were alone on his couch in his apartment drinking & he didn't make a move. Sorry, that guy has no attraction for you.

 

If you want to know for sure you are going to have to make the 1st move. Ask him out. Be prepared for him to say no I don't like you like that.

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sdrawkcaB ssA

Gosh, I am shy, but would never make a move on a first or second date... It is not part of me and it has nothing to do with shyness. Problem is getting that 1st date. Inside joke about dating for me.

 

Kissing is one thing, but I want things to feel natural in progression. Sure you can release your sex drive and have at it, but it does not make the relationship solid. Never has when done too soon.

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So I haven't seen him in quite a while and he texts me out of the blue . Saying "we should hang out sometime and says he's thinking about me."

After some text exchange he says he needs some " Lisa time" (me) and seemed excited for me to come to his place.

So we hung out just us two on the couch ... We had some good conversations and laughs ... But he didn't make any moves. Not that I was expecting him too but I guess a part of me is attracted to him. I'm not sure if he's shy or just wanted to hang out.

He kinda mentioned having a couple more drinks but didn't want to if I was leaving.

When you hang out, what do you talk about ? Is he just being superficial or wanting to really know you ?

If he doesn't want to really get to know, that's your answer why he's not initiating more ...

He already made the first move btw ...

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FaithInTheDark
When you hang out, what do you talk about ? Is he just being superficial or wanting to really know you ?

If he doesn't want to really get to know, that's your answer why he's not initiating more ...

He already made the first move btw ...

 

We would talk about future plans, our hobbies with music and just catching up

.... Yea, I'm pretty sure he was just being friendly on account we were alone together and nothing happened

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We would talk about future plans, our hobbies with music and just catching up

.... Yea, I'm pretty sure he was just being friendly on account we were alone together and nothing happened

Well maybe he wants to take things slow, not rushing into anything, being first friends and see where it leads. Seems fine to me :)

You can also ask him questions when he does, and just let it grow from there. If something happens, ok, if nothing happens, then it's also okay.

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To me he seems to just be being friendly. A lot of people are flirty by nature. The main way to tell is to flirt back, up your game and if he doesn't up his then there's your answer.

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To me he seems to just be being friendly. A lot of people are flirty by nature. The main way to tell is to flirt back, up your game and if he doesn't up his then there's your answer.

 

This.

 

So many times I've had guys flirt with me and ask me out and it meant nothing. I always flirt back because that is my main form of communication (and it has gotten me in trouble, when my flirting is just me being friendly and a guy mistakes it for genuine interest).

Some guys are the same. They flirt. It's the way they communicate.

 

Right now, there's this one work colleague I have who keeps flirting with me. But it's just friendly flirt. But he'll text me saying he misses me, if we haven't worked together in a while, and we hang out a lot out of work. No interest there from either side though. He's happily married and his wife sometimes tags along on our outings.

 

So it might be that this guy is just being friendly. Specially if he hasn't backed up the flirting with any kind of move.

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Unless the man has another lady in his site. Flirtations by a man is casting a line and seeing what catches.

 

The more no chalont a man is to a woman. The more she is like a buddy to him. Most men want a close intimate relationship with a woman in a romantic context.

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