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Gay co-worker is flirty ?


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I don't know if i'm posting in the right section here...

 

So, I've been working at my new client for 4 months now.

And there's a guy that's the contact person for business information.

We communicate more often now, almost daily.

We have meetings, phonecalls, the whole lot.

But something clicked. I don't know what it is.

 

See in the beginning he was quite erm 'feminine' in my eyes. So i deducted (maybe wrongly) that he wasn't into women...

But his attitude towards me changed, he's more close, flirty, very nice in his emails, helpful, erm, if he wasn't gay I would be very wary of this.

And it's weird, cos i respond to it by also flirting and smiling. I can't help it.

 

But he's gay, or not. I don't know. He's a nice guy. After he winked and said he didn't want to leave my workspace, winking, asking me personal questions, i'm confused.

 

How do you know someone is gay ? I'm caught up in clichés and would like some advice please.

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GorillaTheater

Well, my take is that if you're not interested, it doesn't matter if he's gay or not. If you are, well, you may want to have a conversation.

 

I've heard of the "gay guy friend" tactic as a way of disarming a woman's defense systems to get in her pants; maybe this is a real life example. :laugh:

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Just be flattered but tell him to back off if he is too much. (Obviously don`t go to work with buttocks of your jeans cut out)

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A conversation ? What about ?

 

 

And it's not that i'm not interested. On the contrary...

I just assumed there was nothing there and suddenly it shifted.

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GorillaTheater
A conversation ? What about ?

 

 

And it's not that i'm not interested. On the contrary...

I just assumed there was nothing there and suddenly it shifted.

 

Since you interested, I think it's reasonable to have a conversation about whether he's interested as well. It could be a little awkward, but what the hell. Your other alternative is some weird extended dance where he's flirting and you're trying to figure out if he even likes women or not, because if you can't tell, we probably can't either.

 

Damn the torpedoes. Take it straight on.

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I didn`t know you were interested, well then what is the problem? He obvioulsy likes you. Go out for a beer with him?

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I have always found that gay guys are the flirtiest.

It doesn't matter that they aren't interested. They'll flirt until they can flirt no more. Also having big boobs, I almost get more attention from the gay guys about them than from the straight ones.

 

So, personally, I wouldn't read much into it. But you might be mistaken and he might not actually be gay. Maybe ask if he's seeing anyone?

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Well, in snooped into his FB account.

His profile picture is him standing tall in a ski suit with mountains in the back.

Mmmm... After my holidays, i'll inspect further.

And we have meetings almost everyday, so i'll observe and interact with him further.

 

"Have always found that gay guys are the flirtiest.

It doesn't matter that they aren't interested. They'll flirt until they can flirt no more. Also having big boobs, I almost get more attention from the gay guys about them than from the straight ones."

But i didn't know that gay guys could be real flirts. And you're right, he might be 'taken'. A gorgeous guy like that would certainly be.

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Some gays are super flirts. Worked with a couple of bosses that were always trying to convert me to hop the fench. Even offered to get me drunk and give it an honest try haha. I always thought nothing of it because they were the coolest bosses I worked with. Better than some of the straight bosses I've had. Guys even playfully flirted with the female staff at times. One boss would always joke how certain girls give him serious reasons to think about going BI. His boyfriend always sets him straight lol.

 

Other gays do their best to keep it hidden like a secret service file. They've come out of the closet but the gay outfit stays in for safe keeping. Only certan people are allowed to see their true side.

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Thanks for the advice.

One thing that struck me is that he reacted a bit negatively when 2 male coworkers (not gay, both married and very straight) kissed on the cheek to say hello. Some at work do that, they've known each other for years and they're french, so heyhey...

He looked at me like 'wtf...'. Why would he do that and particularly to me ?

He's anti-gay or so anti-gay that he is actually gay ?

 

I don't understand :(

 

About how he looks like: he's got a moustache/beard, almost always wears those country shirts tucked in his jeans with a pair of sneakers. He wears a backpack. Last time he came to my office to clarify some stuff about work. He complimented me saying i do a good job and winked while smiling. He put himself down by saying he can't do the things i do. He explained they're short staffed and documentation is really scarce. I acted stupidly with 'there, there'. He's trying to make me feel sorry for him ? Is that normal ?

 

Then he said he didn't want to leave my office. I was a bit embarassed, cos he was almost acting like a puppy in front of my colleagues. So i told him, come on, i'll let you go. And everytime i act stupid, he tries to follow me in my thing. It's sweet. He looked out of the window and said the view was amazing (25th floor) and tried to ask me where i lived.

 

I walked him out of the building and he talked about how he tries to stay in bed as late as possible. He wanted to know if there was place for him to come sit next to my office (it's free office). He works in another building. I was like, sure, if you come in here early. (He didn't mention any partner i think...) :D

 

(gay ?...)

 

The last time we saw each other was during a meeting and there were other people. At times i thought we were only talking to each other. He said that some stuff i couldn't know about work and something about magic whatever ... Then he laughed stupidly.

 

I went to his building cos i had a meeting there. On the way there, he asked me some stuff about my role in the company, for which firm i worked but then he just blank stared and said he had to run for an errand. I was like okay and was ready to leave cos my meeting was almost starting. He tried to hold me back by saying we'll be seeing each other later. I said no cos we're both on holidays later on.

 

I sent him a meeting request later that afternoon and an email with some stuff about work and how it's okay with him. He replied with smilies and stuff. It's really cute, but i still don't know what to make of it...

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Smilecharmer

I know three guys who I work with that act feminine and I thought was gay and they definitely aren't gay. I know four gay men whom no one would ever think is gay in a million years. Sometimes you really should not judge a book by its cover.

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I know Smilecharmer :(

I made assumptions and now they aren't really valid anymore. It caught me off guard.

Every guy is so different ...

Now in two days I'm back at the office, i'll have to work on my poker face (if that's even possible...)

Or I'll just hide and avoid all eye contact. :confused:

Thank god we're in different buildings.

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almost always wears those country shirts tucked in his jeans with a pair of sneakers.

 

Not gay.

 

Seriously though, I have known many effeminate men who aren't gay. If he is flirting with you, roll with it.

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That's probably what i'm eventually gonna do GorillaTheater :)

 

Okay, okay, i'll just roll with the flirting. It's just that we work together, so it could get tricky. If we ever cross the bridge of moving it past flirting, we'll have to have a serious conversation about it. Or something like that.

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First day back at work. Didn't go very smoothly i must say.

I called him up to ask him some questions regarding his colleague (that didn't pick up the phone), but he didn't answer either.

Then my boss told me they're on the defensive because of something that happened when i was on leave.

Apparently someone escalated to their bosses that i'm taking too much of their time with asking questions, setting up meetings, going through lists.

The only one I can think off who could have said that was him :/

Now why didn't he say something earlier ? I feel stupid now.

 

I was really disappointed, he never told me I took up all of his time.

He was the one to suggest more meetings or mailing.

Where did that come from ? I don't get it.

Now tomorrow morning that colleague that i wanted to see transfered her meeting to him.

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LuckyLady13

Kamila, when things cool down a bit, please just talk to this guy. He won't bite. Or maybe he will if you want him to but that's another thread!

 

My gay friend flirts with me as if there's a flirting Olympics and he's practicing for the gold medal! I flirt back with him and anybody who would see this would think we're 2 seconds away from having the hottest sex in the history of humankind! I nearly forget he's gay sometimes because there are times he dresses like the hottest straight guy but other times when this heavy flirting is going on at his house, all I have to do to remind myself he's gay is look down at his pink pajama bottoms with bunnies on them.

 

:bunny::eek:

 

We really flirt with each other like there's no tomorrow and build each others self esteem up so high. It's so much fun!

 

But I have met straight guys (or so they claim) who I would have swore on my life were gay. Actually, I don't believe some of these guys are straight. But they have girlfriends/wives and are the most feminine men, just like my gay friend.

 

Your best bet is just talk to this guy when things cool off and find out what his deal is. But if he does turn out to be gay and since you were interested, try not to get too disappointed.

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Thanks for the advice LuckyLady13.

I think i'm getting more and more strong vibes he's gay. He's just acting like one. I could be totally wrong I know, but I have no experience with this. A colleague of mine even acted like a gay to portray him. Er ...

 

I don't know, it's maybe someone I have a strong connection with. He's also joking subtely in meetings with me. Like: 'I get you'.

 

He also mentioned twice a guy i had meetings with. By his name. Maybe he fancies the guy ? But this guy is straight and has a gf.

Or he's just interested with whom I have meetings with ?

 

To go deeper, I did a little test. I tried to look him in the eyes while talking, you know like you would do with any random person.

But I couldn't hold it for more than 3 seconds lol. He neither, he was shy.

 

Gah, mixed signals.

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PinkInTheLimo

My experience with gays is that they like to have a very good female friend, to the point of flirting even. I now know that this exists and when I notice it, I shut it down immediately. Because for me it is a form of needing attention and trying to get it wherever they can. I learnt this because I once met a guy who was very friendly and flirty with me, wanted to hang out with me all the time. I thought he was fancying me but he turned out to be gay and liked me as his good female friend.

 

I have now understood that if I want a girlfriend, I prefer that she is actually a woman.

And if I want masculine attention I want it from a straight man. Attention of a gay man is not flattering as it does not mean I am an attractive woman but means that I am in no way generating sexual interest in that man.

 

Nothing against gays but they don't offer anything that I need in my life.

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LuckyLady13

Kamila, my friend that I mentioned does get the hots for straight guys. Has it kind of bad for my best friend, actually and openly gets flirty too because he knows I don't bring any homophobic guys around him so he has nothing to worry about.

 

Yes, they can be totally into straight guys. He stays backed off with my best friend, totally unlike the way he is with me but he does flirt a bit with him, tells him how adorable he is and stuff. My best friend blushes, his cheeks get so rosy red and he says "at least I know I'm hot". :rolleyes:

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Kamila, my friend that I mentioned does get the hots for straight guys. Has it kind of bad for my best friend, actually and openly gets flirty too because he knows I don't bring any homophobic guys around him so he has nothing to worry about.

 

Yes, they can be totally into straight guys. He stays backed off with my best friend, totally unlike the way he is with me but he does flirt a bit with him, tells him how adorable he is and stuff. My best friend blushes, his cheeks get so rosy red and he says "at least I know I'm hot". :rolleyes:

 

Lol, true. I think even gay guys can have the hots for attractive women no ?

Or aren't they attracted to them in any way ? Or are some of them bisexual ?

 

Today, I had a meeting and my boss went under my desk to fix the wires of the computer. My 'gay' colleague came into the room and witnessed the awkward, maybe a little bit 'inuendish' situation. He gazed with his mouth open and just stood there. I laughed it off, 'hey it's nothing' I said, 'My boss is just 'hiding' from you guys... '

But no, he didn't laugh, he was a bit irritated ? Then he gave me a kiss on the cheek (that's how we greet each other).

And he sat at the other side of the room. Owkay ...

 

In the afternoon we had another meeting and we sat in front of each other, quite far. We just acknowledged each other, smiling a bit, it was a quite serious meeting. But then he looked at me and I tried to look back but he quickly looked away. I was like 'What ???'

Then after the meeting I went to him and vented a bit about the load of work.

His boss came to us and talked to us, but again my 'gay' colleague was again irritated. I decided to leave. It was weird.

 

Tomorrow morning I have a one-on-one meeting with him. I shall maybe bring croissants ...

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LuckyLady13

Wait, you greet each other with a kiss on the cheek at work? I've worked in some laid back places but never like that exactly. Interesting.

 

Some people are bisexual and the friend I'm talking about (I want to use him still as an example for a good reason) will say women he sees are sexy or hot and "she almost makes me want to join the other team" but in reality, if it came down to it? He'd rather be boiled in oil or set on fire than have sex with a woman! He's attracted to men strictly and nobody else. He's 6 foot tall, dark, handsome, Italian with a gorgeous body and will only date guys over 6 foot tall because he likes his boyfriends taller than him. I've seen him drool over guys 7 feet tall like a starving wolf looking at a steak! I had to hold him back!

 

Bi-sexual people are kind of in a different league of their own. For me personally, I would vomit uncontrollably attempting to be with another woman just the same as my gay friend would having sex with a woman. The idea is repulsive to both of us.

 

I'm glad my Italian friend doesn't go for the same guys I do (I'm fine with way shorter than 6 or 7 foot) otherwise...we'd have a problem!! Ha!

 

I think it's obvious from what I said already but I'll say it anyway. For some reason there is just this relaxed, great, comfy feeling when I'm with this guy but I guess a lot of it comes from the fact that we don't compete for the same guys. We talk about which guys we think are hot and we're always on such a different page when it comes to their height. Also, there's never a doubt in my mind about his feelings for me, unlike my straight male friends. I always wonder a little about them. I know 100% we're friends and he has no other feelings for me so I'm completely relaxed with him.

 

I love our friendship.

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Yes, women greet each other with kiss on cheek and some men-women also if they've known each other for some time.

Some men (straight ones) even kiss on cheek, but that's really rare.

It says that kissing creates a more relaxed bond. Which is true i think.

Me and this guy hit it off quite early, which is why we greet each other that way.

 

But it's like you've said, a great friendship. But mine is only work-related, but 'great, relaxed, comfy feeling' so true :)

That's maybe why i'm confused, he's maybe also really at ease with me.

And he's attentive, helpful, understanding, makes me laugh. It's nice to have such people around, it creates good vibes.

He says i do a great job, he's not patronizing, condescending like some straight men are. He's a breath of fresh air :)

 

Owkay, must stop now, I think it's getting too much lovey dovey.

I wish he wasn't gay :(

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Okay, I'm getting strong vibes he's really gay.

He called up a lady friend of his and started to flirt really gay.

We went to lunch together with some of his colleagues, he was acting 'normal'.

He was gentlemanly, nothing more.

 

Today i asked phone numbers of him and his colleagues, for business purposes ...

 

Anyway, it's really confusing, cos he's nice and all, but not in 'that way'.

Maybe it's his way of showing respect. I dunno...

Some just don't mix work with personal...

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