hermit Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Long story short.... I have been having an emotional affair with my best male friend for about 7 months now. We've been friends for four years, and he's been pursuing me pretty relentlessly since January. Things almost got physical twice during this time, but I stopped it both of those times, because he had a girlfriend. I found it impossible to cut him out though, as he's pretty much the most important person in my life. Last weekend he came to my house. He is moving to the other end of the country in a few days time, and we both knew it might be a long time before we see each other again. He has also recently broken up with his GF. We spent a day together, there was a lot of holding hands and cuddling. In the early hours of the morning one thing led to another and we slept together The sex was the best I've ever had. But he was in a hurry to leave straight afterwards. He kissed me goodbye and then texted me about an hour later but didn't mention anything that happened. Neither did I when I replied. We have been skype chatting every day since and the conversations have been purely platonic, with no mention of it at all. I'm crazy about this guy and confused as to what to do. I don't have much experience of these situations (have been involuntarily celibate for 6 years prior to this) and not sure if I should mention something. He's moving in two days and today would be the last chance to see him before he goes! Any advice on what to do would be so much appreciated. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
solsoul Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 You need to be straight up with him. There is a danger that he is using you to cope with the breakup with his girlfriend... but you should know him better than anyone else. It's always easy to assume the worst in people, my advise is if you trust him and believe in him, go to him and talk to him straight up. If you want a relationship with him, tell him and asks him how he feels. He may need time after the breakup to think about things. Honesty and clarity is always the best thing to have. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Talk to him preferably before he moves. Do you really think you want to try to sustain an LDR which will entail not getting the sex you just had? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hermit Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Thanks for the replies! I know I should talk to him... Or I should have talked to him straight away, rather. Now it just feels weird because we've been chatting on Skype for days about random things and ignoring the elephant in the room. We can't meet up because I'm on an intensive training course and he's busy sorting out his move and lives on the other side of town. The one thing he did do though, was to leave some of his things at my flat - when he visited on the weekend it was partly also to come and pick up some things I had borrowed off him, but when he left that morning he said I should keep them a bit longer... I don't know if that was some kind of way of 'marking territory' so to speak. I know he really wanted some of them back, so I'm not sure why hes suddenly decided to leave them... By the way, I'd previously told him that I only sleep with someone if I have a deep emotional connection to them, and that it's never just sex to me, so he's aware of that. He contacted me only an hour after he'd left, but somehow neither of us brought it up. I didn't want to be pushy because he's only just split up with his girlfriend and he might still be hurting from that. Basically I didn't want to barge in with my own feelings at the worst moment. But because neither of us mentioned it it's now just really awkward to! Link to post Share on other sites
ThorntonMelon Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 I have been having an emotional affair with my best male friend for about 7 months now. We've been friends for four years, and he's been pursuing me pretty relentlessly since January. Basically I didn't want to barge in with my own feelings at the worst moment. I can't imagine a best friend who I felt I couldn't share my feelings with. That said, you're not bringing it up because you don't want to hear what he has to say. I don't know for sure what that is, but I know you have to make the call about when you can handle potentially bad news or whether you'd rather just let it die for now given his absence (which he can use as a perfect excuse to let you down easily and leave you hanging on a rope). Link to post Share on other sites
solsoul Posted July 10, 2014 Share Posted July 10, 2014 I mean, at some point of time, you are definitely going to have to talk about how things are. I'm sure that he is probably thinking about the same things as well. One of you is going to have take the risk and be upfront about how you feel. In all probability he will need some time, just make sure you are clear that you know this, and then it's whether you're willing to wait or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hermit Posted July 10, 2014 Author Share Posted July 10, 2014 Thank you everyone for your kind replies. ThorntonMelon, in a strange way it is precisely the fact that I have told him my feelings previously that makes it more difficult. Essentially, when he was still with his girlfriend and was pursuing me at the same time, I told him that I liked him and that in a different life (e.g. where we were both single, I would like something to happen). He'd been pursuing me for some time at that point and I told him that we could only be platonic friends unless his situation changed at any point, and that I would have to work on getting over my feelings for him. We both agreed at the time that we meant to much to each other to risk our friendship in any way, and he didn't want to hurt his girlfriend either. This was about three months ago, and in the meantime we're just been very close platonic friends, talking almost every day. I's just about become very happy with this situation and started really enjoying our platonic friendship without having any 'ulterior' thoughts, when this happened. Solsoul, yes, I do wonder if he's thinking about the same thing. We've been chatting every night, and nothing has been mentioned, although he's made it very clear that he sees me as part of his life in the future - we've been planning some things we'd like to do together next year. What also hasn't been mentioned is his moving away in two days time, and any kind of sadness or emotion relating to that. I'm wondering it it's not just me but both of us avoiding the topic now, but both of us too scared to say anything in case it could affect the friendship. I have to add here that although I've never loved anyone as intensely as I love him, I'd rather have him as 'just' a friend rather than ruining the friendship by bringing feelings up at this point where he's just come out of a relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
Geek Down Posted July 18, 2014 Share Posted July 18, 2014 As a guy in an emotional affair with his best female friend, my advice is to talk to him and do it soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trane Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 I myself would definitely ask the other person's assessment of the event. It's not the greatest feeling left unresolved if there are emotions involved even if the other doesn't know it. I was in that situation but moved on quick, mutual fun goodbye romp. A friend got messed up when the girl left really early the next day and he never heard from her for 15 years. Link to post Share on other sites
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