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Heartbroken, unrequited love


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hello,

 

Feeling very low today as I have come to the conclusion I have to move on. Met this wonderful girl around 4 years ago. She really captured me at first sight. Long story short , she just came out of a relationship so we made out the first night we met. We were just friends for a lil while and then she got back with her ex. I really liked her but stopped contact.

 

Fast forward to 2012 I forget how but we got back in touch in 2012 and we were both single. We did a lot of fun activities together but never did anything as far as hugging and a kiss. I just liked her to much to really just make a bold move. And we lost touch again lol

 

Earlier this year we started hanging more and she was more open with me then ever. She was always very reserved. Never showed emotions. She's very intelligent. Finally we had sex and the month of march was amazing. We did a lot together. 3 weeks ago I pick her up we both agree to spend a Saturday night together. See a movie then all of a sudden she has to go. So I dropped her off. Inside I was a little bummed but didn't show it. Just told her well meet up some other time.

 

We usually text each other funny banter through out the day, music we share. Family and life. Last week I ask her if she would like to have dinner. She agrees. B4 we get there she gets a txt from her friend sayin she needs to go to help get her car from the impound. I knew it was bs because b4 that she was hinting that her mom wanted her to go back home to clean the kitchen. Just my gut said she just was tryin to get out and her actions said so as well. She could tell I was a lil bothered and said we could get a drink tho. By then I was like what's the point I'm just gonna take you home.

 

 

I really do love this woman but it's unrequited. Usually have good composure but those last two times we kicked it really left a sour taste and threw me on an emotional roller coaster that was all downhill.

 

Expressing my feelings, asking her how she felt etc. she never says anything.

 

Anyways , I pushed to hard and screwed up. Now she's blocked my number and Facebook and I'm devastated. I can only blame myself. I really do care for her and enjoyed her in my life and now she's most likely gone for good.

 

 

So heart broken....what can I do? :(

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Many people find themselves enamored with what they cannot have. Unavailability and not being able to have what you want, although painful, can be deliciously enticing in many ways

 

That miserable deprived place feels so comfy and familiar to us. Even though we know where it leads to letdown, loneliness, sitting by the phone..we will let that feeling lead us around by the nose

 

Wanting what we cannot have is a universal dilemma. It is so easy to conjure up fantasies about how delicious it would be if we could only have "that", even though we know we never could. Then we do not have to deal with what we do not have. And we do not have to face issues like intimacy, commitment and love.

 

Learn to recognize longing and yearning for what we cannot have. And ask for the courage and wisdom to learn about the true delights of available, requited love.

 

- Melody Beattie "More Language of Letting Go"

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I guess with this woman I just can't have both. I really want her friendship but what I want more was a relationship. And she didn't feel the same way. Really going to miss her. It sounds selfish but just couldn't just be her friend . I tried but and could have but I wouldn't have been true to her or myself knowing I wanted more. It's tough.

 

And I don't know why I wanted either anyways. She is very apethetic and condescending. I coulda done the friends with benefits but in hindsight maybe couldn't I don't know. After a week of being intimate we went to the beach and I was holding her hand and stuff. Later on after hot chocolate she told me I don't like this lovey Dover stuff but I'll only have sex with you. Really caught me off guard and thru me in a loop. I was like cool. For the next few weeks her actions didn't add up to what she said. I got us a cool room one night and before that thru out the day we were exchanging texts bout sexual innuendos. When we got to the room and were chilling bout an hour later she was all I got to go. Really twisted me. Guess I just love her to much to just do the fwb and she saw right thru it. :(

Edited by La2daBay
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