singme2sleep Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I've sort of developed feelings for a guy friend, without meaning to. It's pretty clear that he doesn't feel the same way, plus he's not over his ex and doesn't even live in the same state as me. I guess it's my own fault, I have this stupid needy heart and I get attached easily. Now I think I'm going to have to emotionally distance myself from him for awhile, until the feelings (hopefully) go away. So I'm curious as to what others in my position have done. How did you get past it? Help! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pickflicker Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 You're better to confess it, rather than go cold on him and have him interpret it differently. At least by telling him, your friendship has a chance of surviving. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted April 13, 2014 Author Share Posted April 13, 2014 I think he knows. Earlier we had a conversation and he said something which I interpreted as flirting but he explained it wasn't and now I just feel awkward. Link to post Share on other sites
lostfriend Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Don't assume he knows. Anyways by going cold you'll kill the friendship ? So what be worst by telling him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted April 14, 2014 Author Share Posted April 14, 2014 It just sucks to feel this way! Link to post Share on other sites
nbman Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 It's okay to feel that way. Your heart has a lot to offer and is ready to find a connection. Sometimes our hearts and brains don't check messages, and the timing gets all out of whack, and whola! We are on LS asking for advise.. Have you thought about volunteering at a retirement home, or something along those lines? Great way to let your heart connect with people in a loving and caring manner and fills you with all kinds of inspiration. I find now that I am living alone (kids 50%) that I want to reach out and connect, but not even close to being ready for a relationship... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Potion9 Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 I've sort of developed feelings for a guy friend, without meaning to. It's pretty clear that he doesn't feel the same way, plus he's not over his ex and doesn't even live in the same state as me. I guess it's my own fault, I have this stupid needy heart and I get attached easily. Now I think I'm going to have to emotionally distance myself from him for awhile, until the feelings (hopefully) go away. So I'm curious as to what others in my position have done. How did you get past it? Help! Pretty crazy I could of made this same exact post over a girl friend that I have feelings for. How do you know he doesn't feel the same way? How do you know he is not over his ex? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 Pretty crazy I could of made this same exact post over a girl friend that I have feelings for. How do you know he doesn't feel the same way? How do you know he is not over his ex? Because we talk almost every day and he says it. But he also says he wants to be over her so that alone is progress. Idk there is a slim chance he could feel something for me, though my luck it's not romantic feelings. What makes it hard (besides the fact that we live 400 miles apart) is that I keep thinking "if only you loved me...I'd never break your heart" etc. Tell me about your situation, if you don't mind. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Potion9 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 (edited) Because we talk almost every day and he says it. But he also says he wants to be over her so that alone is progress. Idk there is a slim chance he could feel something for me, though my luck it's not romantic feelings. What makes it hard (besides the fact that we live 400 miles apart) is that I keep thinking "if only you loved me...I'd never break your heart" etc. Tell me about your situation, if you don't mind. hah! very similar to my own current situation. I am thinking the same exact thing toward her. She isn't over her EX either. I actually told her that "I wont hurt you, like guys do " (her EX and her only BF ever in her life) However, the big difference is I actually went out and confessed my love for her..... Needless to say it brought up all of her EX issues and we had a pretty good talk about where she is at in her life etc.. But she also doesn't text me very often anymore (only been about a week since I told her)... Either she needs time and space to process my feelings for her and what that means..... Or she thinks we cannot even be friends anymore Although, she did say she still wanted to be still friends, that she thinks i'm a super hot guy (can you really say that about your friend without having any feelings?) and "had" feelings for me in the past (when she was single, she had a BF for 6 years) but wasn't sure now. She also said she hoped that I didn't block her on FB etc... (crazy reaction I thought) At the end of the day, however my own situation turns out. I am still GLAD I told her. Because It was most likely the last time I would see her (long distance friends) unless she wanted to be more than friends than I would make the changes needed to make it work. I confessed after we spent a week together day and nights went on the best dates you could ever imagine. I didn't make any moves toward her since I care for her so much and was torn between friendzone and wanting outta the friendzone. We slept next to each other each night , nothing sexual but certainly intimate. Edited April 19, 2014 by Potion9 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 (edited) hey, i think that when you develop strong feelings for someone you should tell them, no matter how scared you are or how nervous regardless of the outcome, it wont be too long before you wont be able to physically hide the feelings anyway, unless you are a dissociative multiple like me then you can hide it longer......;0)......even then it cant be forever hidden..strong emotions come out in the eyes they are visible... there are two outcomes......this is cool because you don't have to analyse anything...... one he likes you back and he lets you know how he feels for you two he doesn't and he lets you know... so you can knot those feelings down somewhere deep but eventually you will either have to tell him or move on or tell him and move on if its number two outcome i have found it is virtually impossible to not let your heart show at times......hearts can be stubbornly immovable when it comes to seeing the person they care about they tend to leap out and go spaz....the longer you keep those feelings hidden the stronger it is they will develop..hearts are rebellious creatures and very resilliant to logic.......hearts live in hope and hope isnt logical because it is an unknown quantity in regards to hope i told a guy i had feelings and it didnt work out for me which is a shame because my heart has not changed........but logically i have to move on and no contact isnt an option so i have to handle it as best i can......i started dating others...that didnt work out either because my heart wasnt in it....so there was no fight there and no second and third chances..........and it ended....but you live and learn..... thats what you have to do ....take your chance...let your heart decide ....... only two outcomes....and i hope your heart will be happy with the outcome for you......best wishes....deb Edited April 19, 2014 by todreaminblue 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 I appreciate the feedback and the opinions, but it's not that simple for me to just tell him. We live in different states and he's not ready for what I want. The last thing I'd ever want to do is rush him or make it seem like I have an agenda. He needs a friend and I will give him that. But when he tells me things like "I always want you to be around"...my fragile heart does back flips. I would rather go on keeping these feelings a secret and at least have the possibility of something happening in the future, than have him politely reject me now because he's not ready. Besides, even IF he was...he may not be a fan of the long distance scenario. **sigh** Link to post Share on other sites
Potion9 Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 You only live once and he may or you may meet someone else and move on and you may always wonder" what if" you had told him etc.. Living in different states is even more of a reason to tell him. I live in a different country as my friend. I wouldn't imagine the friendship would be ruined by telling him either but the rejection may be hard to take if he did reject you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 Just feels like there's too many circumstances against us :-( Link to post Share on other sites
gabsworld Posted April 24, 2014 Share Posted April 24, 2014 Give him time to get over his ex. Being a rebound flame for someone when they're in a vulnerable state will most likely end up hurting you in the long run. At times people will jump from relationship to relationship to get over the other person when they are just looking for someone or some thing to take the pain or thoughts of that other person away. Not saying he will do this, but I'd be cautious. Keep being his friend. Even though he's going through a rough time and he doesn't feel the same way as you do, you don't need to bail on him. I've been there and never once gave up on my best friend and we've progressed to a little more, but slowly. I said in a previous comment that unreciprocated love will kill a friendship if it's not based on a strong foundation. Much luck to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted April 24, 2014 Author Share Posted April 24, 2014 (edited) Give him time to get over his ex. Being a rebound flame for someone when they're in a vulnerable state will most likely end up hurting you in the long run. At times people will jump from relationship to relationship to get over the other person when they are just looking for someone or some thing to take the pain or thoughts of that other person away. Not saying he will do this, but I'd be cautious. Keep being his friend. Even though he's going through a rough time and he doesn't feel the same way as you do, you don't need to bail on him. I've been there and never once gave up on my best friend and we've progressed to a little more, but slowly. I said in a previous comment that unreciprocated love will kill a friendship if it's not based on a strong foundation. Much luck to you. Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it. I care about him so much and more than anything just want him to be happy again. He's a wonderful guy... Sometimes I'm so close to just blurting out the way I feel but he needs to get his head straight first or I'll end up confusing him. The best romantic relationships are built on a solid friendship. Guess I'm worried that I'll be the one to help him heal and then he will find somebody right where he lives, leaving me beyond crushed. But it's a chance worth taking just to be in his life at all. Edited April 24, 2014 by singme2sleep Link to post Share on other sites
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