havNfun Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 that fact is that I have never had a girl "friend" since puberty that I haven't hooked up with at one point or another. So what say you all to that? ("friends of the opposite sex is an oxymoron") women that are friends to guys allways want it from the guy friend eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
kellydontwanttasleep Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 i had lots of guy friends that i had no intrest in having sex with, you can be friends with girls Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 women that are friends to guys allways want it from the guy friend eventually. I think that is probably the most sexist thing I have ever heard. What makes you think it's always the WOMEN who want it from the men? Guys are just as bad, if not worse, at keeping female friends because they always "want it" from them. I have many guy friends that I would never even think about having sex with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted July 9, 2004 Author Share Posted July 9, 2004 well then perhaps he's not really your friend. If he is a close friend I am sure you will find something endearing enough about him to eventually lead to you getting him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted July 9, 2004 Author Share Posted July 9, 2004 Sure men want to do their lady friends at one time or another. Makes sense. But I think it is interesting how many females clame this superior ability to appreciate men into close friendships without any form of sexual nuance, interaction, thoughts, required or desired. Meanwhile, in reality, ladies are usually the “friend” in control of and guiding the eventual infusion of sex. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 In my case, I try not to have male friends that I feel attracted to. Sometimes being attracted to male friends does lead to confusion. So, if I can evoid it, why not? Just from my experience, mentioning that I am not un incredibly beautiful or sexy woman, I have gotten sick and tired of the hoards of men hitting on me, using every single occasion to see if they can "get it"! Imagine that I would not look from that from a friend, I get a lot of attention and "teasing" when interracting to people, generally speaking. It is a bit of paradigm to think that women spice friendship with sexy flirtation. Yes, I do admit to flirting a bit with my male friends - what the heck, it's in our nature - but from here to guiding the eventual infusion of sex it is a looong way. I need friends, I want friends, I want the support and I want to help. I love having a good time away from the sex jungle,just to be relaxed, just to enjoy the time off from the very much uptight world of dating. I can get that with my male friends. Why on Earth ruin it ?!? To obtain what? To go where? I wouldn't trade for anything in the world a beer with the guy with a "hot date" with any of them! I'm confident enough to pick my lovers from other places than my intimate circle of friends. I treasure my male friends friendship, it would be almost as a disrespect to them to start "infusing sex"... it would be an ordeal to me, really ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted July 9, 2004 Author Share Posted July 9, 2004 well I believe that your desire is to have these "friendships" with guys that are built on care, or support or other non-sexual rewards. And, perhaps that is somehow more "right" than having a more permiscuous approach to your friendships. But don't you think that there is often someone not being honest about their motives? Why would you want a friend that in truth would get all over you if you let him - meanwhile he is dishonest in that he camoflauges his sexual perspective of you. I know women get a lot out of non-sexual fullfillment from friends and from their lovers. I think some like to exagerate so that their own appetites will not be obvious. But, give nature some time, and women friends always go for it when a relatively low risk opportunity presents itself for them to get it while proving that their "friend" wants them. Okay, perhaps a real friendship can exists if you have already been with him. Or, mostly such friendships are possible when two have slept together and the guy is very un-attracted to the female friend. then maybe. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Why would you want a friend that in truth would get all over you if you let him - meanwhile he is dishonest in that he camoflauges his sexual perspective of you. I totally agree that friendship between men and women are also based on some sort of chemistry. You can call it compatibility, sexual attraction, physical attraction etc. It is there and it's as we are instinctual creatures, we need the vibe to bond (some sort of approval, of recognition of our attractability). I do not agree with "camouflage", with hiddes intentions etc. I am at a stage in my life where if I want to get laid, I get laid. If I want to feel desired, I can get that too. But friends... after one year away from everyone you know, believe me, you think of your friends and of the people you allow near you differently! Main point: how bad must you feel lust for a woman if you're willing to sacrifice a friendship over it? That's stupid, really! Good friends are so hard to come by, I never in a million years would think of hitting on any of my male friends. I know their girlfriends, I have their respect, their acceptance and I have worked quite hard to be "one of the guys". On the long term, that is!!! I also try not to see one friend in particular, too frequent for a long period of time. I do exactly what makes me feel comfortable and they appreciate it! I expect them o do the same, no hard feelings! My best friends are girls, btw. Again, I hate creating confusion. A woman knows how to keep things clear, should she want to, trust me!!!! And it does not exclude male friends! Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted July 9, 2004 Author Share Posted July 9, 2004 well I respect your personal approach to it. I think that your male friendships might not be too appreciated by your boyfriend/husband/etc. Lots of women, like you, do say that they can have guy friends etc. I value my friendships a great deal. I also respect and value the women that I have had "friendships" with. But, looking at the evidence, like I said I have never had one friendship where she didn't take some action at some point. Sure perhaps I have flirted, but the women eventually want to feel wanted, perhaps grow horny for what is forbidden, and they always try out the goods at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 The trick is (my trick is) not to have one special male friend ! To me it's "the guys". They are from my home town, my best male friend used to date me in highschool so we do have lots of fun when we meet. Back in my own country, it's also friends from the university and from the volonteer work I did (student associations, parties, projects, lots of special times spent together). Right now they're all trying to get jobs and it's impressive to see the support they give one another. Here in Paris I have one male friend who turned out to have feelings for me right at the beggining - so to some extent you are right. It sucked, we didn't see eachother for a couple of months, but then ended up strolling together to discover the city. I do feel a bit guilty, like I'm taking advantage of him, of his friendship, but he said he's a big boy and that he can take care of himself. Sometimes we go to photo exibits together, other times to catch a movie or to have a cup of coffee. Other times we go out with his friends to have a hot chocolate and talk for hours... As long as each friend really appreciates the other person and the boundaries are clearly set and known, I think it's ok. About the bf: he trusts me. I have a hard time making friends (real friends, that is, I do have lots of people around me, but very little friends) and I would be very hurt should he ask me to stop seeing him. The two of them never met and I have no intention of doing so. I like having my freedom, my independence and I allow him the same freedom and independence. On the other hand, he is totally incapabale of having gal-friends. Honestely. And he is not the only case I've met. That's why I treasure my male friends. Very few of them - of men, I mean - are able to respect the established boundaries. Sometimesthey don't even acknowledge them. Maybe I have a weird sense of picking men, but that's my conclusion after dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted July 9, 2004 Author Share Posted July 9, 2004 I suppose we all need to face the perhaps uncomfortable reality that behind their socially educated behavior, women are mainly interested in sex. And while men play the game and act only interested in sex sometimes, are actually less likely to be the ones that make sure sex eventually happends. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 The only thing I do agree with is that women chose when a relationships gets sexual! It is indeed women's choice. the rest... I don't agree! men as well as women may be interested in a physical affair... and may pursue the other person just as well! No rule from my pov! Curly Link to post Share on other sites
miz_barby Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 I don't think men and women can be "close friends" because one or the other usually ends up with feelings for the other one. Casual friends yes but close where you talk all the time, talk about your problems, hug, go out to bars, ect then 9 times outta 10 it seems that one if not both of the friends develop attachment feelings to the other and end up wanting more or feeling that they are falling in love with that person. My opinion is that I wouldn't have close male friends especially while I'm dating someone else (especially if my guy wasn't great friends with the guy too) and I wouldn't tolerate my guy having female "close" friends either like calling him, seeing him, hanging out with him, anything like that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted July 9, 2004 Author Share Posted July 9, 2004 amen!! see, finally a lady lays it down! Can we just all agree that women are much to horney, and have a difficult enough time as it is just doing one guy, without throwing "friendships" at her as more temptation? Link to post Share on other sites
miz_barby Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Can we just all agree that women are much to horney, and have a difficult enough time as it is just doing one guy, without throwing "friendships" at her as more temptation? Hey hold on a second...I never said it was hard for a woman to be "doing just one guy" because we're "too horny" NO I am saying BOTH guys and girls seem to have trouble being faithful (some chalk it up to human nature but I say it's a matter of MORALS) and throwing another person in the mix is bound to create problems! It is just easier to avoid the temptation by not getting involved in "friendships" with the oposite sex!! It's usually only ends up bad! My own situation I have no problem being faithful nor does my guy but sadly IF we had friends of the oposite sex then I can't deny that there would be jealousy and fear that disaster would soon follow. It's just a fact that all you have to do is read a few of these "other men, other women" posts and you'll see it! Purely my opinion of course! Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted July 9, 2004 Author Share Posted July 9, 2004 no, I mean yes, I agree with you Barby, I think your policy and reasoning is right on. And the reason why it is wise for you to not have guy friends like that, is becasue it would add extra danger or stress to your marriage because if you had a friend you would be having sexual feelings at some point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted July 9, 2004 Author Share Posted July 9, 2004 honey2005, fair enough. But, do you think that there is any possibility that you might just be in a little bit of denial about your own cravings? Seriously, think back and I suspect that you will realize that you have in fact not only got together with, but initiated it, with most or all of you past really good guy friends? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 No way! That's the sexiest thing I ever heard! I think if women want tohave male friends thay can! Not lovers! If we admit that both male and female are rational human being, in controll and putting trust and respect above lust, than you have man and women as friends! Things turn sexually if one parties a lot with the friends - add liquor and etc... but life is not one eternal party. I think cutting out people off your list of friends simply because of the gender is childish! Honestely, ignoring the shallow things like: men are much more fun, tell better stories, better jokes, are more sincere and don't get jealous! men as friends are great. It is harder to keep such friendship if in a long relationship, but then again, it's about trust and respect! I am talking about life long friends, about a shared past, common memories, common friends, comon hobbies or preocupation... not attraction! No matter what everyone else thinks! Jeez, sometimes I wonder why there are so little women in top management !!!! Because it's all about "the rule", all about being (should I say acting like) a respectable woman! The hell with our preferences, people we like and things we love to do!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
miz_barby Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Most of us women (or so I've learned through experience and heard as well) get attached more emotionally and the men sexually. If there isn't anything wrong with your current relationship then you shouldn't have to talk about your probs with someone else or find excitement or placer (oops sorry pleasure) anywhere else. If there is something lacking people need to open up and communicate or just walk away. Way less hurt would be involved than eventually cheating! I will always stand behind the "avoid the temptation" theory! I don't think it's immature not to have friends of the opposite sex! If you've known them for awhile then to each's own BUT if you meet new people and try and become "good friends" with people of the other gender, well to me it's just not a good choice to make. Again just MY opinion! I don't think it has to do with alcohol it goes deeper than that, people have low self esteems, co-dependent issues, and lots of other things that make them seek out attention from the opposite sex! Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted July 9, 2004 Author Share Posted July 9, 2004 Miz_Barby, Hats off to you. I know most women will come in here and continue to pretend and fool themselves. And continue this dumb myth that it is a "normal," "healthy," thing to be in possession of guy friends. You may know a guy from the past? You may have grown up with a guy and send holiday cards or enjoy dinner between both couples perhaps. But, having an isolated friendship, meaning a thing between you and this friend that is in anyway exclusive to your husband, or other than, or whatever. This is an affair of the heart of some sort. This is a committment on some level. And mostly, the fact that a woman might make sure she has these friend relationships to make a point about how independent, or modern or innocent she is, this in my oppinion is childish. As adults we make choices and we make some sacrafices if wee with to be decent people. It is dissrespectfull to the husband, and it is selfish. God bless you Barby - even though they think they have the mature and moral ground on this one, I can assure you that your perspective is actually more wise and honest. thanks Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 I agree to having a good relationship, but one person cannot comply with all the things I want and that I find in my male friends. It has little to do with pleasure or teasing. I know it's different for me, as I am not married. But for instance, I have this friend who loves R&B back home. He's a freak about it! He knows everything, we used to listen to songs back in highschool that were cool, we would fool around wearing out of fashion clothes... My ex high school female mates are more interested in how much I make a month (by the way, nothing since I'm still in School). Ijust don't feelthe presure! HEre, in PAris, I have this friend who's having his DEA in Philosophy (pre phd). HE adores art, has visited the Uffizi galleries and loves classical guitar. Miz_barby, my bf listens to trance and works in entertainment! No way can he make or does he want to accompany me to exibit shows! The female friends I have here are much more interesred in picking up guys in Barrio Latino!!!! What I hate is the general perception: women are not to have male friends because they end up screwing them! I want to work in business! I need the networking! I want to stay intouch and I will stay intouch with people, men or women! That's why generalization suck! To each person his own! no you had a friend you would be having sexual feelings at some point. !!! So what if let's say you do? is it like an itchy, do you have to scratch it if it eats? Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted July 9, 2004 Author Share Posted July 9, 2004 Curly, where do you get this notion that people are supposed to have everything they want without regard to how that might affect another? Its probably true that no one guy can fill your cornicopia of needs, but I say tuff ****. The woman that try to keep it all, the boyfriend, the guy friends, the guys that are friends for networking purposes, and the like, they often end up middle-aged with only their pride about having looks that are now long gone, and perhaps a decent job that they spent their good years selfishly masking concern for others, and constructive sacrafice for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author havNfun Posted July 9, 2004 Author Share Posted July 9, 2004 and yes, I have to scratch my itches. Link to post Share on other sites
honey2005 Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 honey2005, fair enough. But, do you think that there is any possibility that you might just be in a little bit of denial about your own cravings? Seriously, think back and I suspect that you will realize that you have in fact not only got together with, but initiated it, with most or all of you past really good guy friends? I'm not in a little bit of denial about my own "cravings." I understand about guys and girl friends being too close, especially when one of them has a significant other, but I don't think that I want to have sex with, or am going to have sex with all of my guy friends. Like Miz Barby said, its a question of morals, and I have very high morals. I'm a one man kind of girl, and even though I have male friends while I have a boyfriend, I'm not going to have sex with them. I suppose we all need to face the perhaps uncomfortable reality that behind their socially educated behavior, women are mainly interested in sex Hmm... in my opinion women are not mainly interested in sex. If that's the case, then me, all of my friends, and most of the other women I know are completely abnormal, because the most important thing to us is a meaningful relationship, not the sex. It's weird how no other guys are adding anything to this thread...it would be nice to see their opinons on this. Can we just all agree that women are much to horney, and have a difficult enough time as it is just doing one guy, without throwing "friendships" at her as more temptation? No, definitely not. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Actually, miz_barby, this is exactly the type of attitude that makes us (women) uncool! We feel threaterned by men. We are to "evoid temptation"!!!This makes me so mad! I have practically lost all my friends after my ex and I broke off! I wonder why !!! because lonely women aren 't safe either in "coulpes'', miz_barby! Guess who'd get out with me, catch a late movie with me! guess who'd drop by to eat French fries and watch the game at the TV ?!? My friends!!! All Male friends! And I am damn proud of them too. They weren't giving me any tissues, don't worry, but hey... When times get hard, you'd better have your friends around! Men or women! Link to post Share on other sites
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