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This girl I'm absolutely crazy about has moved away...


MightyHeracross

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MightyHeracross

There's this family friend of mine that I have liked for years. I'm a 19 year old guy, and she's 2 years younger. She lives near me and we went to the same high school (we have virtually no mutual friends), but she recently moved to a different country due to her dad taking a new job. Now, she comes back during the summers. Before she left, I took her out to a concert, and she really ha d a good time with me. Unfortunately, I'm shy, and didn't make a move, which is something I now regret.

 

This was her first summer back, and when we saw eachother, she talked about a guy who was so sweet because he was the only one who really stayed in touch with her while she was gone. I tried to keep in contact, but didn't want to seem overbearing and smothering. So we would talk usually 2 or 3 times a week.

 

Well she just left again, so what I'm wondering is, how much is too much? If I text her everyday, is that too much? How often should we skype? (I didn't skype with her last year). Its also hard because of the time difference, she's 13 hours behind me. So when it may be a good time for me, she may be in school, or when she can talk, It may be the middle of the night for me.

 

She said that this other guy was so sweet because he stayed in touch, but I'm worried that either I will creep her out or get friend zoned.

 

What should I do? I really like this girl. I think she's perfect in every way.

 

Before she left, I wanted to tell her how I felt, because I think she should know, and I kinda think she likes me. However, I was advised not to because it wouldve come off weird being that I told her my feelings right before she left.

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Skyraider829
There's this family friend of mine that I have liked for years. I'm a 19 year old guy, and she's 2 years younger. She lives near me and we went to the same high school (we have virtually no mutual friends), but she recently moved to a different country due to her dad taking a new job. Now, she comes back during the summers. Before she left, I took her out to a concert, and she really ha d a good time with me. Unfortunately, I'm shy, and didn't make a move, which is something I now regret.

 

This was her first summer back, and when we saw eachother, she talked about a guy who was so sweet because he was the only one who really stayed in touch with her while she was gone. I tried to keep in contact, but didn't want to seem overbearing and smothering. So we would talk usually 2 or 3 times a week.

 

Well she just left again, so what I'm wondering is, how much is too much? If I text her everyday, is that too much? How often should we skype? (I didn't skype with her last year). Its also hard because of the time difference, she's 13 hours behind me. So when it may be a good time for me, she may be in school, or when she can talk, It may be the middle of the night for me.

 

She said that this other guy was so sweet because he stayed in touch, but I'm worried that either I will creep her out or get friend zoned.

 

What should I do? I really like this girl. I think she's perfect in every way.

 

Before she left, I wanted to tell her how I felt, because I think she should know, and I kinda think she likes me. However, I was advised not to because it wouldve come off weird being that I told her my feelings right before she left.

 

Ah yes, I know the feeling.

 

Try to work on your shyness. Hypothetically, if you did hit it off - you need to be open with her in every way. So work away on that.

 

How much is too much? Some people think calling once per day is NOT enough. Others think calling or contacting each other three times per week is too much. It varies from person to person.

 

I would guess that if she suggested how "sweet" it was for that guy to stay in touch, she would probably find it just as sweet if you stayed in touch on a frequent basis. Don't mistake "frequent" by texting every ten minutes, but a phone call once every few days with some texts in between would probably be okay. Then again, maybe she likes very frequent communication, maybe not. You need to find this out from her. No one here can tell you what you should do exactly.

 

As for telling her the way you feel: Next time she comes back, get with her and go do something, plan some days to spend together and feel it out. If you think it might be wise to say it, then say it. You should not hide what you feel for her forever, otherwise she might go with someone else.

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MightyHeracross
Ah yes, I know the feeling.

 

Try to work on your shyness. Hypothetically, if you did hit it off - you need to be open with her in every way. So work away on that.

 

How much is too much? Some people think calling once per day is NOT enough. Others think calling or contacting each other three times per week is too much. It varies from person to person.

 

I would guess that if she suggested how "sweet" it was for that guy to stay in touch, she would probably find it just as sweet if you stayed in touch on a frequent basis. Don't mistake "frequent" by texting every ten minutes, but a phone call once every few days with some texts in between would probably be okay. Then again, maybe she likes very frequent communication, maybe not. You need to find this out from her. No one here can tell you what you should do exactly.

 

As for telling her the way you feel: Next time she comes back, get with her and go do something, plan some days to spend together and feel it out. If you think it might be wise to say it, then say it. You should not hide what you feel for her forever, otherwise she might go with someone else.

 

Thanks man... since she has left, we've texted kinda a lot actually. I mean, since she's gone and due to the time difference, our convos don't really have a beginning or an end. If I wake up at 9, its already 9 at night for her, so we'll talk for couple hours until she has to go to bed, then shell continue the convo in the morning (for her) until I have to go to bed.

 

Before she left, most of our texting conversations were quite one sided, with me asking most of the questions. Since she's left, they have been way more two sided than ever before, sometimes even one sided with her being the one asking questions and keeping it going. However, randomly, she just won't respond. Now this has only happened once since she's left, but its still kinda weird.

 

What do you think that means?

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Skyraider829
Thanks man... since she has left, we've texted kinda a lot actually. I mean, since she's gone and due to the time difference, our convos don't really have a beginning or an end. If I wake up at 9, its already 9 at night for her, so we'll talk for couple hours until she has to go to bed, then shell continue the convo in the morning (for her) until I have to go to bed.

 

Before she left, most of our texting conversations were quite one sided, with me asking most of the questions. Since she's left, they have been way more two sided than ever before, sometimes even one sided with her being the one asking questions and keeping it going. However, randomly, she just won't respond. Now this has only happened once since she's left, but its still kinda weird.

 

What do you think that means?

 

I can certainly say that she probably misses you, and that you two are seperated for most of the year - she could be realizing how much she does enjoy your company. Being apart from somebody you like can do that. Looking at the evolution of your communication is illuminating since it displays a good mutual interest and liking between you both.

 

If she only did that once, big deal. Consider some possibilities though; maybe your messages did not come through, power outage, family event, unexpected circumstance or other things.

 

Furthermore, do you know how this girl likes you? I don't mean to pry but how did you two meet and what is she like? Have you always viewed her this way or not?

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Assuming she did see your message, she might be busy. You know, there are these kind of messages one cannot respond to, because there's no way to.

I'll give an example:

 

>Her: I really like painting!

>You: Me too!

 

There isn't really a way to respond to you in this case.

 

What are you using to text her? I recommend Whatsapp, since you can see when the person was last online, in order to tell whether he connected after you had sent the message or not.

If he didn't, then he hasn't seen your message yet.

If he did, he has.

 

Sometimes people go online after I sent them a message and don't respond, but they respond a bit later on ("later on" also means a few hours).

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I say, to stay away. She lives in a different country now. If you want keep in touch. Do so in a friendly basis. 2-3 times a month, is enough, I would say. Don't pursue this girl romantically, simply because she lives in a different country. You already said that your crazy about her. The last thig you want to do is to expend more energy on a girl who is unvailable.

 

Even then, your not really sure if she even likes you romantically. The one way to find out is to ask her on a date. A real date. How can you date her if she's in a differen country.

 

If you really like her, the only thing you can do is wait until she lives reasonably close to you. Move on, and date other girls. You telling her how u feel currently will be irrelevant. Because, and I can't stress enough, she's in a different country.

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Skyraider829
I say, to stay away. She lives in a different country now. If you want keep in touch. Do so in a friendly basis. 2-3 times a month, is enough, I would say. Don't pursue this girl romantically, simply because she lives in a different country. You already said that your crazy about her. The last thig you want to do is to expend more energy on a girl who is unvailable.

 

Even then, your not really sure if she even likes you romantically. The one way to find out is to ask her on a date. A real date. How can you date her if she's in a differen country.

 

If you really like her, the only thing you can do is wait until she lives reasonably close to you. Move on, and date other girls. You telling her how u feel currently will be irrelevant. Because, and I can't stress enough, she's in a different country.

 

If she wants to remain friends, why should he stay away? Just because she's in another country? Its not like he is planning an LDR with her.

 

He's only seeing her in the summer - and who knows, maybe she will gain an interest in him down the road. If he just bugs off, there goes a possibility of a great connection straight out the window.

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I'm not saying to stop being friends. Be friendly, courteous. The OP, already said hes crazy about her. You want him to keep talking to a girl, consistently, when her feelings towards him is ambiguous and she in a diff country?

 

What happens when you expend energy, on a person your attracted to? You develop more feelings. On top of the feelings you already have.

 

All I'm saying is hold off on the romantic sentiments. Because she is thousands of miles away.

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Skyraider829
I'm not saying to stop being friends. Be friendly, courteous. The OP, already said hes crazy about her. You want him to keep talking to a girl, consistently, when her feelings towards him is ambiguous and she in a diff country?

 

What happens when you expend energy, on a person your attracted to? You develop more feelings. On top of the feelings you already have.

 

All I'm saying is hold off on the romantic sentiments. Because she is thousands of miles away.

 

I get your point. I wouldn't think she's being that ambiguous nor is she being directly assertive. I recommend not going down the lovey-dovey alley until there's confirmation on both their parts.

 

Spending quite a bit of time during summer is a good idea even if its just friendly. Building a bond is important over long distances.

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MightyHeracross
Assuming she did see your message, she might be busy. You know, there are these kind of messages one cannot respond to, because there's no way to.

I'll give an example:

 

>Her: I really like painting!

>You: Me too!

 

There isn't really a way to respond to you in this case.

 

What are you using to text her? I recommend Whatsapp, since you can see when the person was last online, in order to tell whether he connected after you had sent the message or not.

If he didn't, then he hasn't seen your message yet.

If he did, he has.

 

Sometimes people go online after I sent them a message and don't respond, but they respond a bit later on ("later on" also means a few hours).

 

We are using KIK, so Iknow she's read it. I guess i didn't really give her much to respond to, similar to your example.

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MightyHeracross
I can certainly say that she probably misses you, and that you two are seperated for most of the year - she could be realizing how much she does enjoy your company. Being apart from somebody you like can do that. Looking at the evolution of your communication is illuminating since it displays a good mutual interest and liking between you both.

 

If she only did that once, big deal. Consider some possibilities though; maybe your messages did not come through, power outage, family event, unexpected circumstance or other things.

 

Furthermore, do you know how this girl likes you? I don't mean to pry but how did you two meet and what is she like? Have you always viewed her this way or not?

 

We met through our younger sisters. Our sisters have been best friends since like second grade (almost 10 years), and our families have grown closer over that time. We have been up to their cottage multiple times, and out to dinner even more frequently.

 

I know when I met her, I didn't necessarily feel this way, but that because I was younger. I know I have felt strongly about her for a while though, I mean a few years lol. I haven't wanted to do anything because of the family situation... I didn't want to make anything awkward, but now we've been out together, and we are growing up, so why not make a move now.

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MightyHeracross
I say, to stay away. She lives in a different country now. If you want keep in touch. Do so in a friendly basis. 2-3 times a month, is enough, I would say. Don't pursue this girl romantically, simply because she lives in a different country. You already said that your crazy about her. The last thig you want to do is to expend more energy on a girl who is unvailable.

 

Even then, your not really sure if she even likes you romantically. The one way to find out is to ask her on a date. A real date. How can you date her if she's in a differen country.

 

If you really like her, the only thing you can do is wait until she lives reasonably close to you. Move on, and date other girls. You telling her how u feel currently will be irrelevant. Because, and I can't stress enough, she's in a different country.

 

This will most likely be the last year she is away. She will be going to college next year, but isn't 100% sure she is going to come back to the US for school. Her family is encouraging her to stay abroad for one more year with them, but she wants to come back home. If she does decide to come back here, she will most likely be going to a school relatively close to me, and where I have many friends.

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We are using KIK, so Iknow she's read it. I guess i didn't really give her much to respond to, similar to your example.

 

See, so it's no big deal! :)

I have this case with friends too, it's just a way of socializing, so no worries!

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Skyraider829
We met through our younger sisters. Our sisters have been best friends since like second grade (almost 10 years), and our families have grown closer over that time. We have been up to their cottage multiple times, and out to dinner even more frequently.

 

I know when I met her, I didn't necessarily feel this way, but that because I was younger. I know I have felt strongly about her for a while though, I mean a few years lol. I haven't wanted to do anything because of the family situation... I didn't want to make anything awkward, but now we've been out together, and we are growing up, so why not make a move now.

 

I say you spend more time with her next time she comes back. Its just that shooting for a relationship out of the blue is kind of...Well, it doesn't always work the best.

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MightyHeracross
I say you spend more time with her next time she comes back. Its just that shooting for a relationship out of the blue is kind of...Well, it doesn't always work the best.

 

What do you mean by shooting for a relationship out of the blue? lol sorry...

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MightyHeracross
See, so it's no big deal! :)

I have this case with friends too, it's just a way of socializing, so no worries!

 

Alright great. How would you recommend I text her next time? Im sick of just saying Hi or Goodmorning or Hey ect... I need something a bit better than that, those just seem wayyyy too boring lol

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Skyraider829
Alright great. How would you recommend I text her next time? Im sick of just saying Hi or Goodmorning or Hey ect... I need something a bit better than that, those just seem wayyyy too boring lol

 

Say something in Mandarin Chinese or Italian...

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Skyraider829
What do you mean by shooting for a relationship out of the blue? lol sorry...

 

Sorry if that was too bland, I mean don't just come up to her and propose a relationship when she really only knows you as friend primarily and the thing between you two as a friendship. This is just to avoid possibly making circumstances between the two of you strange. That's all. ;)

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MightyHeracross
Say something in Mandarin Chinese or Italian...

 

lol, shes in Beijing, so I've said something in chinese, but it just gets weird lol. She tries texting me back in chinese and I have to translate it, but the computer doesn't do it right usually.

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MightyHeracross
Sorry if that was too bland, I mean don't just come up to her and propose a relationship when she really only knows you as friend primarily and the thing between you two as a friendship. This is just to avoid possibly making circumstances between the two of you strange. That's all. ;)

 

Ohh Right. I kinda think she likes me, but Im just not sure. I took her to a concert, but we didn't kiss or anything. Thats kinda a big step for me. I regret not doing it, but I'm very socially awkward, so I didn't want to be awkward while doing it. She would've been my first kiss too.

 

She has said that she enjoyed the concert and going with me, and we've talked about it since she's been gone.

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Skyraider829
lol, shes in Beijing, so I've said something in chinese, but it just gets weird lol. She tries texting me back in chinese and I have to translate it, but the computer doesn't do it right usually.

 

I had an idea she was in Asia when you mentioned how many time zones she's behind you by. Maybe Chinese isn't the best approach if the translation software isn't up to speed. Scratch that.

 

You'll have to do some brainstorming.

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Skyraider829
Ohh Right. I kinda think she likes me, but Im just not sure.

 

That's the sole reason I said what I did. Just a safe move you know.

 

I took her to a concert, but we didn't kiss or anything. Thats kinda a big step for me. I regret not doing it, but I'm very socially awkward, so I didn't want to be awkward while doing it. She would've been my first kiss too.

 

That is understandable, if you are uncertain in exactly where you stand then its best to hold off for a while. You wouldn't want her to take it the wrong way or anything.

 

She has said that she enjoyed the concert and going with me, and we've talked about it since she's been gone.

 

Nice to know that - maybe another one is in order? Or something even better?

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MightyHeracross
That's the sole reason I said what I did. Just a safe move you know.

 

 

 

That is understandable, if you are uncertain in exactly where you stand then its best to hold off for a while. You wouldn't want her to take it the wrong way or anything.

 

 

 

Nice to know that - maybe another one is in order? Or something even better?

 

Well we went a couple days before she left, when we saw a flyer on our car for another concert she really wanted to go to, but she wasn't going to be in town for it. I told her that if she was here, we could've gone, and she liked that idea.

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Skyraider829
Well we went a couple days before she left, when we saw a flyer on our car for another concert she really wanted to go to, but she wasn't going to be in town for it. I told her that if she was here, we could've gone, and she liked that idea.

 

I'd say to definitely give it a go when she comes around.

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