Inflikted Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 I find myself in a bit of a distressing situation, and I'm not sure what the best solution is. There's a girl I know that I had very strong romantic feelings for last year, but she turned down my advance, and we still know each other, but we've been on very iffy terms for a while now. She's been dating this guy I used to know (a guy I hated for reasons before they were an item), and she's also been very friendly with another mutual friend that she used to date who had cheated on her. So where do I come in? Well, regardless of where I stand with her, I still care for her, and lately, I can tell something is going on with her. Yesterday, she seemed very... off, and she spent a lot of time with her ex, and perhaps it was just my imagination, but I got the sense they were specifically trying to be quiet around me and keep their conversations away from me specifically. Now, I understand that what's going on with her is none of my business, and I'd never try to force myself into her life. But it's hard to sit by and see her like this. Putting my past feelings aside, I still care about her, I want her to be happy, and I want to know she's doing okay, and right now, it seems like she's really not doing so well. For whatever dumb reason, seeing her this way makes me feel bad. I felt so uncomfortable yesterday knowing something was up and I couldn't do anything about it. I had a rough night with not a lot of sleep because she kept popping into my head. Even now, I feel kind of sick to my stomach. I know it's stupid to care about someone that really doesn't seem to want to let you in, and right about now, I wish I knew how to stop "caring". I just wish I knew that she was okay, and if she isn't, I wish I could help out in whatever way I could. I wonder if she even knows I feel this way, or if she just thinks it'd all be too difficult for me to hear, considering it probably has to deal with her boyfriend and/ or another guy. Actually, I have a hunch as to what it may be, but I have zero evidence to back that up; if I'm right, I would find it a bit upsetting internally, but still, I wish I could be there for her, and it's so hard to not be. Does that make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
soccerrprp Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 I know it's stupid to care about someone that really doesn't seem to want to let you in, and right about now, I wish I knew how to stop "caring". I am sorry that you are going through this, but this line is appalling. Simply appalling and don't let anyone let you believe otherwise! There is NOTHING stupid about you caring about someone else who has rejected you or has not reciprocated in kind. NOTHING. This caring tends to be more real, more sincere. It takes balls to be able to admit this and greater, yet, to express this.... Just don't allow your feelings to allow you to be manipulated to your detriment. Be as supportive as you are permitted. Not much else you can do. But, by hades, your caring is NOT STUPID. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 This is awkward. No girl wants to share her relationship/ boyfriend dramas with some guy 'friend' that she knows has feelings for her and that she is not interested in. They just see every problem or drama in the girls life as a "way in", a way to get close. Fact is, it isn't really any of your business, and you "caring" actually does have a hidden agenda. You want her relationship to fail, maybe not maliciously, but you do... and she doesn't want to get "support" from someone with a one sided view to her situation. You are never going to be an objectionable friend to her while you have romantic feelings. And she knows it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted July 2, 2013 Author Share Posted July 2, 2013 But she has no problem confiding in an ex-boyfriend that cheated on her, and I guarantee this ex would probably sleep with her if he got the chance, so he's not so unbiased, himself. I dunno, I mean, I admit, hearing stuff would be very difficult for me to hear, but clearly, something is going on and she's not doing so well, and that just makes me feel bad, especially because I don't know what, exactly is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Million.to.1 Posted July 2, 2013 Share Posted July 2, 2013 Sorry, but who she confides in or what's going on is none of your business. If you want to stop "feeling bad" for her, then stop seeing her and stop trying to be a friend to her when you clearly have feelings! It's awkward for her! She has to learn and make mistakes on her own. She is not going to "wake-up" one day and suddenly see what are great BF you would make if she is not into you. Back off! for your own sake! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted July 2, 2013 Author Share Posted July 2, 2013 If I could completely separate from her, I would, but the nature of how we know each other dictates that I see her (and her ex) on a regular basis. I know it's none of my business. I do. But she and I used to have such a good thing going, we used to really be able to talk and connect. It just kinda hurts that now, she'd rather spend time with and talk to an ex that cheated on her. It just hurts that someone like that is higher on the totem pole than I am. I'll just go ahead and say it; while I have nothing to base this on, given the way she was acting the other day, the first thought that popped into my head is that she got pregnant. And for whatever reason, she's confiding to her ex about it. I don't know if that's true at all. I'm hoping it's just a crazy thought that I'm completely wrong about, but that's the first thought I had. Link to post Share on other sites
Fromoutofnowhere Posted July 2, 2013 Share Posted July 2, 2013 No matter what's going on with her, this is just one of those things that you have no control over and to try to make any sense of it is just going to drive you insane. No matter how you slice it, this is all "dead-end" thought. I'm sure it's painful to see all that, but sometimes you just have to concentrate on preserving yourself. My heart goes out to you though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted July 2, 2013 Author Share Posted July 2, 2013 I mean, I understand that this is all out of my control, but I just can't stop feeling bad and wishing there was something I could do. I feel bad because she's going through something, I feel bad because she obviously doesn't feel comfortable with me, or doesn't like me, or whatever, enough to confide stuff to me, instead some bonehead that cheated on her. I absolutely understand that I shouldn't concern myself with her life, and I shouldn't concern myself with this stuff. I understand what I "should" and "shouldn't" do. But that doesn't help to make the actual feelings go away. What am I supposed to do about that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Inflikted Posted July 3, 2013 Author Share Posted July 3, 2013 Just a small update, if anyone cares. While it's kind of crazy of me, I'm kind of glad that I sometimes get myself worked up over the craziest possibility, only for the truth to not be so bad after all. So, a mutual female friend who I've kinda been confiding to about this stuff decided to clue me in on what's up today. Evidently, the girl I care for split with her current boyfriend because, like the ex she's been chummy with, he cheated on her. Shame she keeps winding up dating guys that cheat on her. She's better than that, and I know I sure as heck wouldn't have cheated on her if she had dated me. I guess it's not the worst thing that she confided to her ex about this instead of me; makes me feel less "friend zone"-y. Not that anything will ever happen between me and her, of course, but still. Link to post Share on other sites
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