jacg89 Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 (edited) We've been friends for a year. Lately, we've been hanging out like at least once a week. weather its going bikeriding, to his friends bar, out to lunch, run errands, etc. We made plans to take a couple daytrips this summer too, like sixflags and also down the shore to the beach. He calls me gorgeous, love, and basically he is a huge flirt. the other day he bit my shoulder as I was walking by. I notice that when we hug goodnight (he kisses me on the cheek sometimes) he gives really long hugs... if that means anything.. However he still hasn't made a move. I really like him, a lot. I'm just confused... I don't know if he just sees me as a buddy friend, or if he really likes me. I don't want to kill our friendship by saying something if he just sees me as a buddy, but what if he feels the same way about not knowing If I think of him as a buddy or if I really like him? I did realize though, that last time we went out he was talking to a guy that he used to know.. when the guy asked him how old he was.. he said he was 29. But... He's actually 30. I don't know why he would lie? I was the only other one around.. I'm 24, so its not like I am young or anything. Also, today he showed me this girls photo on facebook, and told me that its a family friend and they knew e/o forever... that she used to like him years ago, and then he found a photo of her at his uncles house from when she was 2 and sent it to her as a joke.. It was very random to tell me that, At the moment I was thinking... Maybe he likes her now. and hes just telling me because... because he sees me as his buddy that he can tell things to... Or maybe... maybe he told me to get a reaction out of me... ? It was just really random. they don't hang out! Most of his days off he spends with me.. he actually invited me to his uncles house that day. Or maybe I am over thinking this? Advice? Help? ANYTHING? Do you think that he sees me as a buddy/ or that maybe he really likes me?? I just don't know what to feel about this.. I feel like I am typically good about reading guys, especially good with giving dating advice.. but for myself, I am just brainless and need an outside opinion! Thanks so much! Edited June 16, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 Well you're still 24, comparatively to a guy in his 30's don't be fooled, that's still quite a leg up in terms of experience. As far as his interest level though...friends for a year, most guys will stick their penis in you and still call you a "friend" but you haven't said much about this guy or the type he is or what other factors are present, but this guy has to has some kind of history, he definitely sounds like the type to be wishy washy. But judging from his actions I think he's playing with your emotions, unless he's an incompetent idiot or extremely shy I see no reason for him at 30 years old not to have any clue, I just don't buy it. He's brave enough to kiss you on the cheek, long hugs and all that crap, he doesn't sound like the type that wouldn't have stepped it up if he didn't want to. I think he's definitely playing with your emotions and teasing with interest but I very much don't think he's truly interested, it's just not the nature of men, he wouldn't have just been your friend for a year if he was, the door seemed open...it would have to be something else going on to why he wouldn't make a move, men usually will take some easy sex with a girl they've built this history with at least. He was hinting to you that he is into this other girl, that was a part of him splurging and feeling able to confide in you this information, but it doesn't mean a guy wouldn't turn around and sleep with you or anything like that, as far as relationship potential...in the way you are describing this guy and his behavior I don't see it there, If you're really that mature for your age and wise to dating then you would have asked him about this or talked to him before, you shouldn't be worried about jeopardizing the relationship if you're just communicating with each other and how you feel, that level of vague definition in any interaction with women is so often why they are "confused"...so I question how much of a "friendship" this truly is, not that I really believe in true friendship between the sexes at any rate. Link to post Share on other sites
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 A 30-year old man who has been your friend for a year and not asked you out on a date is not interested in a romantic relationship with you. A shy, inexperienced 15-year old boy might do that, but definitely not a 30-year old man. Lose the fantasy and please stop wasting your life on this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacg89 Posted June 16, 2013 Author Share Posted June 16, 2013 Well you're still 24, comparatively to a guy in his 30's don't be fooled, that's still quite a leg up in terms of experience. As far as his interest level though...friends for a year, most guys will stick their penis in you and still call you a "friend" but you haven't said much about this guy or the type he is or what other factors are present, but this guy has to has some kind of history, he definitely sounds like the type to be wishy washy. But judging from his actions I think he's playing with your emotions, unless he's an incompetent idiot or extremely shy I see no reason for him at 30 years old not to have any clue, I just don't buy it. He's brave enough to kiss you on the cheek, long hugs and all that crap, he doesn't sound like the type that wouldn't have stepped it up if he didn't want to. I think he's definitely playing with your emotions and teasing with interest but I very much don't think he's truly interested, it's just not the nature of men, he wouldn't have just been your friend for a year if he was, the door seemed open...it would have to be something else going on to why he wouldn't make a move, men usually will take some easy sex with a girl they've built this history with at least. He was hinting to you that he is into this other girl, that was a part of him splurging and feeling able to confide in you this information, but it doesn't mean a guy wouldn't turn around and sleep with you or anything like that, as far as relationship potential...in the way you are describing this guy and his behavior I don't see it there, If you're really that mature for your age and wise to dating then you would have asked him about this or talked to him before, you shouldn't be worried about jeopardizing the relationship if you're just communicating with each other and how you feel, that level of vague definition in any interaction with women is so often why they are "confused"...so I question how much of a "friendship" this truly is, not that I really believe in true friendship between the sexes at any rate. About him:: He is definetly respectful. I know his whole family (in America), they are very close too. He had a relationship with a girl around my age for 3yrs. something tells me that he still misses her in a way, but yet he says she was a bitch. sometimes he brings her up like... "we used to...." He actually did have the "relationship" talk, but not really about "with me" per se. He was just saying how he wants to go back to his country for at least a year. He's not sure when he's going to go, but asap. and he wants to be free... he wants to go alone. but he does miss being in a relationship... and he does want a relationship, but he "cant" because he cant leave the girl hanging, once he is ready to go back to his country. I really admired the respect there that he said that, because most guys aren't like that. and he was honest. That "talk" was a few months ago, and I feel that since then, we've been hanging out more and I'm feeling more of a spark now. I feel like... if he wasn't planning the thing with his country, he would've made a move by now. Maybe he's more confused than I am... Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacg89 Posted June 16, 2013 Author Share Posted June 16, 2013 also...we are supposed to go out again tomorrow night for drinks Link to post Share on other sites
CptSaveAho Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 right so he told you pretty much he was leaving the country and is not looking for a relationship but misses it and you are feeling a spark? you fit in quite well with the other women here on ls... we will tell you... dont talk to him anymore etc... but that wont happen... you will fall in love with the idea of him, not the reality because the reality is he doesnt want a relationship with you and you probably wont be able to accept that Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 right so he told you pretty much he was leaving the country and is not looking for a relationship but misses it and you are feeling a spark? you fit in quite well with the other women here on ls... we will tell you... dont talk to him anymore etc... but that wont happen... you will fall in love with the idea of him, not the reality because the reality is he doesnt want a relationship with you and you probably wont be able to accept that head nodding and mentally clapping This guy isn't interested; I'm sorry, but my guess is he's using you as an outlet to forget his ex who he still is NOT over. Link to post Share on other sites
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 16, 2013 Share Posted June 16, 2013 About him:: He is definetly respectful. I know his whole family (in America), they are very close too. He had a relationship with a girl around my age for 3yrs. something tells me that he still misses her in a way, but yet he says she was a bitch. sometimes he brings her up like... "we used to...." He actually did have the "relationship" talk, but not really about "with me" per se. He was just saying how he wants to go back to his country for at least a year. He's not sure when he's going to go, but asap. and he wants to be free... he wants to go alone. but he does miss being in a relationship... and he does want a relationship, but he "cant" because he cant leave the girl hanging, once he is ready to go back to his country. I really admired the respect there that he said that, because most guys aren't like that. and he was honest. That "talk" was a few months ago, and I feel that since then, we've been hanging out more and I'm feeling more of a spark now. I feel like... if he wasn't planning the thing with his country, he would've made a move by now. Maybe he's more confused than I am... The guy keeps telling you he doesn't want a relationship with you, but you refuse to accept that. Unfortunately, the only one feeling a spark here is you. His rationale for not wanting a relationship (read: with you) is he's leaving the country ASAP. But yet months later, he's still around. It's been a year of this platonic hugging that you've latched on to. Some people are incorrigible flirters. Some of us are huggers. I hug everyone, regardless of gender. When the right woman comes along, he'll jump into a relationship with her. That hasn't happened yet. You're not it. It's irrelevant that you're around the same age as the ex. He just doesn't feel that way about you. He's being very clear. There is no confusion on his part. Please stop clutching at straws and wasting your time on this...then get all pissy when he starts dating someone else instead of you. But ultimately your life, your choices. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacg89 Posted June 16, 2013 Author Share Posted June 16, 2013 I completely agree with you guys. however, why would he be calling me gorgeous, babe, and hey... he even told me he liked me a while back! sometimes when I look up I find him staring at me from across the room, checking me out. he hasn't said that thing about his country in months. I thought that maybe his thoughts changed. (...since we have been going out more often) its not that he doesn't want a relationship with *me*, its more like when he said it he said that he feels like he cant because he doesn't want to break hearts when he has to go. he said it is "unfair" I didn't think that I could be the only one feeling a 'spark' after all of this. I am completely fine with just being friends with him. it wont break my heart to see him someday with somebody else if that's whats going to happen. I just want to know if he is interested in me. If he's not, I can't make him love me But we ARE close friends regardless. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacg89 Posted June 16, 2013 Author Share Posted June 16, 2013 A 30-year old man who has been your friend for a year and not asked you out on a date is not interested in a romantic relationship with you. A shy, inexperienced 15-year old boy might do that, but definitely not a 30-year old man. Lose the fantasy and please stop wasting your life on this. what is the difference between us going out all of the time, alone together, and him ASKING me out on a "date"...? I thought that they may (never thought about it as a "Date") but that they may be... dates. ya know? Link to post Share on other sites
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