Marcone Posted May 23, 2004 Share Posted May 23, 2004 Well, its coming around to the 2nd year of my greatest infatuation. My cousin has a friend; I met her when I was 14, and now I am 21. BTW, she is 20. Two years ago, we saw each other at a party, and never left each others arms. We spoke and cuddled until 7:00 am, looked at the stars, and spoke about nothing. Yet, it was the most intimate conversation I had ever been involved in. I left the party in love, only to face the reality that she had a boyfriend. We spoke about him briefly, but I couldn't care less - I was nearly in paradise. I moved away to university, and saw her very rarely for the last two years. However, since the dawn of 2004, I have been trying extra hard to capture this girl of my dreams, trying to see her as much as possible and so forth. The flirting between us has reached a new level every time we have seen each other, and now it is getting out of control. Compliments flying back and forth, kissing, (not on the lips, but everywhere else) playful bitting, staring into each other's eyes for like an hour, holding each other, and her getting jealous and upset when another girl checks me out. I dont understand what is going on here? I do need extreme help. Her friends, including my cousin, have told me that she and her boyfriend have hit a rough patch but are trying to work things out. Yet, when I see her, it feels sooo perfect and right, and we are basically all over each other. We have HUGE CHEMISTRY, hence my confusion. There will be times when I run into them at a club, and only speak to her for 5 minutes during the 4 hours that I am there, and then there will be other nights when we are simply inseparable. The big problem is that after Thursday night, I cannot look at another girl. I used to enjoy going after many girls at once, until I met this diamond in the rough. She has captivated every fibre of my being. Her presence in my life has compelled me to continuously listen to the song "When You Really Love a Woman" by Bryan Adams, and try and find a simple answer to solving this problem on bulletin boards like this one ! I have told her how I feel, and she knows. She tells me she would date me if she didn't have a boyfriend. She tells me, for example, that when they hit a rough patch, if I called she would have left him. She also told me I don't call enough, and so forth. I am confused on how to handle this situation. Some friends tell me to pressure her to finally make a decision; others say ignore her and she will leave him for me, and so forth. So now I ask you all, WHAT CAN I DO! I love everything about this girl, and honestly, NO cannot be an answer because it seems right, her and I seem destined, I don't know how I know, but I know. Also keep in mind that I have dated many times in my life, and have never felt this before, Please HELP!!!! If you need anymore detail please ask away, this is a rough situation for me, and I thank all of you in advance!! Link to post Share on other sites
Skeptical Posted May 23, 2004 Share Posted May 23, 2004 This dream girl of yours. Has it occurred to you that if she breaks up with her current BF and ends up with you, she might do the same thing to you that she did to her BF when you two hit "rough spots?" In other words, she doesn't seem to be the faithful type to me. I'm not sure how you're reconciling this fact in your head. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Marcone Posted May 23, 2004 Author Share Posted May 23, 2004 well, that is a good point, and that has been the number one point until recently which I have dwelled on. the two have been dating for four years, she hasnt cheated on him once. Now, the thing is, she is best friends with my cousin, and since we first met, there have been mutual feelings, she liked me, I liked her and so forth, back and forth. Now, after investigating this bf of hers, by investigating I mean, that I have asked my cousin and her friends about him and what type of guy he is and so forth. It begins to seem that the two of them are a complete mismatch, in their opinion, physically and mentally. He would call her up and tell her that she is a whore and so forth and yet he doesnt know about me. I have seen her in a clubbing environment, and it is safe to say that she would only dance with her guy friends, friends that she has known since grade 2 in most of the cases. Yes, the fact that she would dance with other guys does piss me off, but in reality by what I have heard and seen I seem to be the only guy that she shows this extra attention to. Her bf, is also your genuine jackass kindof guy, supposidly he is a funny guy, but he acts very cold and rude around people, with his head in the clouds. He isnt romantic with her, for instance he doesnt do romantic things, hell, the last time I saw her I opened the car door for her and she told me that that was the first time anyone ever did that for her. They go to the same university yet, they only see eachother at most once a week. when I am out with her, her phone never rings, and if they are to run into eachother at a coffee shop or at a club they ignore eachother. The way it seems to me is that this relationship has been dead for quite sometime, but both are afraid to break up for they will no know what would happen. She has even admitted that she is scared to be single again. and I have hinted that I would not ask her out until a sufficient 'getting over' period has been established. For instance I will not ask her out until 6 or so months after they have broken up. But in my opinion she is scared or breaking up, they have gone out since grade 10, hence they really dont know what life would be like without that comfort zone, which they provide for eachother. Both would rather go out with other people, but it seems as though nothing is being done. the question is would she do that to me? well in reality, because of my experience, I dont think she would, and because my cousin is her best friend, even when I am away at university my pressence would be felt, hence no I dont think she would. I know what to give her and I know what she craves, hence there would be no reason to do that to me unless she is completely gone mentally. (I am not full of myself by the way, I just have done my homework on this girl ! Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted May 23, 2004 Moderators Share Posted May 23, 2004 Perhaps you're right that this is a situation where they (she and her BF) are not the best match in the world. Perhaps they are staying together because they just "fear single life." Perhaps they almost ignore each other in public settings; that's all fine and dandy; it might be true. BUT... If you have been making it THAT clear to her that you care for her, etc., then wouldn't she be less fearful of being single? She would clearly know in her own mind that you're interested intensely in her. Therefore, if she did lose this so-called "loser," then she'd also know that an assumedly "great" guy, i.e. you, would be almost immediately available as a potential BF. Hence, if she were truly unhappy, then she could not be in a more fortunate position than she is now to leave him. You said: When I am away at university my pressence would be felt, hence no I dont think she would {cheat on me}. I know what to give her and I know what she craves, hence there would be no reason to do that to me unless she is completely gone mentally. (I am not full of myself by the way, I just have done my homework on this girl) ! Reality is, you cannot consider your cousin to be sufficient "presence" of your "absent - at university" self to rest assured that once you did go back to school, she would be loyal to you. I would go so far as to say that her definition of what a "loyal" BF, might not equate to yours. Objectively consider this. Both she and her BF evidently consider it "fair game" to go so far as to meet each other at a coffee shop, etc., and not pay any attention to each other. Who knows? Perhaps this is the way they both want things. Would you want a similar setup though? How would your being at university, (and her deciding to go out with some guy for a night, ostensibly as a "friend") really be interpreted by you? I suspect that you might not be overjoyed. I could be wrong though. All this, plus she is evidently not in any "rush" to leave him. Indeed, if what you have "researched" is correct, she puts up with quite the amount of game from him. Yet, she still continues with him, albeit in a less-than-optimal level of devotion from your perspective. Maybe - just maybe - on some level both of them enjoy and desire their "flavor" of a relationship. One never knows. Keep your mind open to the whole spectrum of the situation. What first glitters, might not truly be gold. Just my two cents. Peace Curt Link to post Share on other sites
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