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I really like someone but I might hurt a friend.......what do I do?


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HI everyone,

I was wondering if anyone could help me here? I like this guy and I think he likes me. But the problem is my best friend likes him too. I've never told my best friend how I feel about this guy, and she really really likes him. He doesn't like her that way, but he is majorlly flirting with me. If he asks me out how am I going to tell my friend? Does anyone have any suggestions on how I might break it to my friend?

 

Thanks for your time,

~JazZYcHicK~

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I think that there is a code amongst women: we never go out with guys that our friends like and we never go out with each others' exes. Personal opinion though. Amongst my group of girlfriends, it's actually been discussed.

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  • 1 year later...

id say that you need to talk to your mate first, be diplomatic. dont drop yourself in it. just sugest that this guy is hot, and see what she thinks. if she is only interested as a friend, maybe she might be feeling the same way. but at least then you'll know. if she feels indifferent about it, start droping some hints to him. make a friendship, take it slow,if she's interested she'll let you know. start if as a friend with him,and build on it. why wait? what have you got to loose? if she says she's not interested in other way, and it goes sour, she should have been honest with you in the first place.

good luck. x

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi I am in the exact same situation but I am the guy. The difference is in my situation the girl and I have been in a subsecret relationship where we claimed to being just friends but were very much not so...I have fallen for this girl and she says she feels the same way but she ended it with me on account of her best friend really really likes me and she wont hurt her. Her friend on the other hand is my best friends ex gf. This makes it impossible for her and I to date (at least not for a while I think it was a pretty recent break up). Now my friends ex has no clue her best friend and i have been seeing each other and I dont want her to find out bc i am also very close to her. I was thinking of maybe telling her that I like her friend and am thinking of asking her on a date. this will hurt her but not as much as if she found out the rest. MY friends would be happy for me if i dated someone they liked...i guess guys look at it as in terms of: Im happy you found someone who I owuld consider dating...at least then I approve of her! SO girls you confuse me! ANd coming from the other side of the equation it is very painful and no fun to know of what could be but it wont be because friends are and would be jeolous.

Im not sure this helps any at all but it def. feels good to let it out somewhere for me...just know there are no happy sides of this situation.

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If you value your friendship with your g/f then back off this man. No matter how attracted you are to him and him to you, its best you leave well enough alone.

 

Someone has already stated here about the unspoken rule among women, and it is very true. Never venture into any relationship with a person your friend likes and certainly not an ex either.

 

Even if you did go ahead and you dated this guy, and she was "somewhat" ok with it....Do you realistically believe that your friendship could survive? Do you think that she could ever trust you in the future? Personally if my friend dated a guy I was interested in, our friendship would never be the same because I could never trust them to be around the guy I am dating regardless of whether she is in one or not.

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I have been in your friend's shoes before: First guy I ever asked out and was rejected by. I had no idea she liked him, but it was common knowledge that I did.

 

I was devistated. About 2 weeks after he rejected me, she started dating him. It hurt like hell, but the main reason was that she didn't come to me first. She actually sent another mutual friend to break the news to me. At the moment, it felt like the end of the world, but we worked through it, all became really close friends and I ended up being the one she complained about all his faults too! Knocked him right off his pedestal I had created for him and realised how lucky I was that she got stuck with all his issues!

 

I would just say to her that you guys have been flirting, you'd like to see if there is anything there, and just remind her that she comes first! Tell her that if it would get in the way of your friendship, you'll back off this guy and find another. Chicks before dicks! (female counterpart to bros before hos) hehe

 

Remember that friends are the ones who help pick up the pieces of your broken heart, and if you burn bridges, you'll be left treading water alone.

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Meh... I'd go make my moves, with out worrying about the consequences. You can always find new friends.

 

I've lost friends before due to decisions I have made, but the underlying factor is- it is my life. If my decisions are determined by who might get upset by them, its their problem, and I wont live my life trying to make everyone happy. Especially when it makes my unhappy.

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