Spartan6 Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 (edited) Well I have had this friend for about a year now. We had known of each other through mutual friends during school. She had a boyfriend early on during our friendship but we were still pretty close. She broke up with her boyfriend and I became the person that she would vent to. I told her I liked her but we didn't make a big deal of it. A month after the break-up her father passed away. She asked me to come stay the day with her which I did and found out her ex-boyfriend was there. I was in and out of contact with he the next 2 weeks because she was talking to her BF again and what she had just gone through so I gave her space. After her ex left her high a dry it seems like she came running to me. Kept things as close friends until we started to get a little more flirty. She seemed to always get jealous when girls would come flirt with me at the bar and if I get jealous of her talking to guys she would get mad. She started to say she was falling for me we would text call every day and we started friends with benefits relationship. I noticed as time went on she became very off and on from week to week and seemed like she started to distance herself. She mentioned things were moving to fast at one point. It seemed like she started to pull back during the time that I started to let my guard down. We went out NYE with a bunch of friends she texted me to see how I was I ignored her and she kept calling and texting me to talk and see what was wrong. I confessed to her that I started to fall for her and she just started saying. Well are you sure its because you want something you can't have (she was on a cruise for a week) or that I was reading into the texts/phonecalls and late night Skype sessions every night for 2 months. She told me she is emotionally not ready to commit to anyone and wants to just have fun and not sure when she would be ready for a relationship. She said she wanted to be friends but I told her I needed space and she said "well if you don't want to talk that means you don't want to be my friend." I hung out with her a few days after and she was on the phone with someone she met on the cruise and was texting while we were hanging out. We talked in the car and she acknowledge we were mutually at fault and she gave me a hug for a while but didn't say much. She just said that its not someone else she just is not ready to emotionally attach herself to anyone. I am not sure what to do from here. The past week has been a lack of contact between us and very short texting conversations. Not sure what to do from here felt like I was punched in the stomach cause I lost my best friend and the fact that I let my guard down because of things she said. I am still finding myself missing that friendship we once had but a little confused in the fact that she seems like she does not realize how much I have been there for her. Also, the fact that she is physically attracted and seems like we have chemistry makes me believe she truly is not ready. Not sure if anyone has any advice on what to do and how to move passed this! I want to continue to be friends and if anything were to come of it in the future I would be fine with but not counting on it. I have already met someone else and I am starting to become numb to everything that happened (its only been 2 weeks) Sorry for the length it actually felt good to let it out! Edited January 13, 2013 by Spartan6 Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Not sure if anyone has any advice on what to do and how to move passed this! I want to continue to be friends and if anything were to come of it in the future I would be fine with but not counting on it. I have already met someone else and I am starting to become numb to everything that happened (its only been 2 weeks) Sorry for the length it actually felt good to let it out! I'm calling BS on the fact that you only want to be friends, and that you've met someone already. If she said she wanted you back right now I would bet that you'd drop this new girl in a heartbeat. My advice would be to cut off contact. Talking to her will not allow you to move on from her and will push you deeper and deeper in the friend zone. It also doesn't sound like she is interested enough to pursue a relationship with you right now, so again, my advice would be to let this one go and try to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spartan6 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 Sadly, I probably would drop this girl in-order to start a relationship with my friend. It seems like my mood changes throughout the day as far as how I feel with the situation. I just get extremely confused about the whole situation and how it came to this. I think the best thing is to distance myself for a few months than see what I feel. I just get pissed because it seems like she does not realize I have been there for her and that she said all the stuff that made my guard come down. Her friends have said I would be perfect for her and have been in my court since we started hanging out and hooking up. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 First mistake - going to the FWB relationship. No one respects these relationships....she said she was falling for you but the two of you started FWB. Which of you suggested that? Was she echoing something you proposed possibly? Mixed signals on either part kill a relationship. And I disagree with the previous poster.....the best lover is typically also your best friend and vice versa. Otherwise, the fact is that life just becomes one "hookup" after another. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spartan6 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 She brought up the FWB scenario and that she did not think she was ready to commit to anyone. As time went on she seemed to develop feeling and she seemed to maybe freak out at one point and said things were moving to fast and she didn't want to feel like this. That is when she seemed to take a step back but I would still see the connection sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
NoMagicBullet Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 (edited) Flirted with you, but got jealous, but doesn't really want to have you as a boyfriend... bleah. Her friends may be in your corner, but she just uses you as she sees fit: to vent about her boyfriend, to have sex, to get attention from. She's really self-centered. Possibly with issues around emotional intimacy and commitment. And definitely not interested in a relationship with you. You want more, she doesn't. For your own mental and emotional health, go no contact and stay that way. Do not try to be friends. Do not wait for her to come around. Aside: I think wade & tippi both have points about friends & lovers. I would put it this way... a good friend & a good lover can only be the same person in a exclusive, committed relationship. Trying to stay friends with former lovers or turn friends into part-time lovers is usually ends in more misery than it was worth. Edited January 15, 2013 by NoMagicBullet addition 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spartan6 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 I think you are right. She did stop speaking about her BF and all her problems when things got closer. I noticed that when I ignored her or did not give her any attention if we went out with mutual friends she would remember and seem to chase for it. Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted January 16, 2013 Share Posted January 16, 2013 You're going to keep having mood swings and getting upset when you have short convos and feeling good if you have a good conversation. This is the nature of these types of hazardous relationships where one person is committed and one person says, "They aren't ready". My guess is while she may be attracted to you physically, she either lost feelings or doesn't like you enough to date you, or is still caught up on the ex. Most of the time when someone says they aren't ready, it's a nice way of rejecting a relationship. Honestly, I think you're better off letting this one go and using it as a learning experience, but do what you feel is best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spartan6 Posted January 16, 2013 Author Share Posted January 16, 2013 I believe that she is still hung up on the Ex. She sent me a text last night of a pic of something I had wanted. I did not respond for a while and when I did she just was really short and did not seem to want to talk. I think I am just going to move on no reason to go through all of this and have someone treat me like I never was there for them or there is no history between us. Thanks for all the advice! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted January 17, 2013 Share Posted January 17, 2013 Quick learner, good for you man. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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