smariee18 Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 I'm an 18 year old female attending college for biology. At first, my I didn't find my professor at all attractive. He actually looks like a giant nerd. But after a few conversations with him it dawned on me that he is very attractive. I'm pretty sure I'm much more attracted to his personality and knowledge then to his looks. He's about 27 and not married. I have no one else to tell this to because I know it's very wrong. I just want him though. I've always been attracted to older men, which doesn't help me. I have no idea how to get rid of this weird feeling. Even though I know nothing might ever happen, it's still very easy to just think about..if any of that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 There may be some students with personality and knowledge who too, might not be married. Link to post Share on other sites
Avulare Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 If you want someone a bit older and more knowledgeable, try going for the grad students rather than the professors. They have the characteristics you're looking for but aren't "forbidden" like your prof would be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smariee18 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Share Posted November 2, 2012 There may be some students with personality and knowledge who too, might not be married. I don't want any of the students though, I like the fact that he's older. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smariee18 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Share Posted November 2, 2012 If you want someone a bit older and more knowledgeable, try going for the grad students rather than the professors. They have the characteristics you're looking for but aren't "forbidden" like your prof would be. That would be the safer thing to do, not to mention the smarter thing to do on my part. Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Its grounds for firing a tenured professor for having a relationship with a student of theirs. Outside of an unusual situation, dating an undergrad who wasnt in your class is generally forbidden. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smariee18 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Share Posted November 2, 2012 Its grounds for firing a tenured professor for having a relationship with a student of theirs. Outside of an unusual situation, dating an undergrad who wasnt in your class is generally forbidden. You're stating this as if I am completely unaware of that. I know that it's forbidden and can get us both in trouble. I didn't post this to be told what's wrong from right or to be told facts in which I'm already quite knowledgable of. I posted this to just talk about it. Seeing as I would not tell anyone I know personally about the situation. Thanks though. Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 (edited) Its grounds for firing a tenured professor for having a relationship with a student of theirs. Outside of an unusual situation, dating an undergrad who wasnt in your class is generally forbidden. Yeah OP...youre young. This guy is older and hopefully mature enough not to risk his career for a student. Not to mention, an educated guy in his 20s has plenty of options. Forget about this dude and move on. Dont risk your entire 4 year college reputation, and this guys career, by trying to make a pass at him. If you understand all of this, theres nothing to talk about. Edited November 2, 2012 by kaylan 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 If you want someone a bit older and more knowledgeable, try going for the grad students rather than the professors. They have the characteristics you're looking for but aren't "forbidden" like your prof would be. Smarieee I am in a situation allot like yours but on the other end being an older graduate student and their being a much younger undergraduate. There is a definite personal and sexual chemistry but for many reasons us dating would not be straightforward. One of those is that someone like me, much less a professor, dating a undergraduate is ethically ambiguous. I discretely asked my supervisor in a way that dosen't let him know. He told me to talk to the dean of students office. They told me to talk to my supervisor. In short people who know for a fact could not give me a real answer. He probably knows you like him, and he may like you but there is a great risk to both of your positions. He could be fired depending on where he is. He could loose funding or be punished in some other way. You could have a hard time from some professors. Aside from that people can be very judgmental about relationships. Such a large age gap will make many uncomfortable. If he's of a different race than yourself, some people are very uncomfortable with that and you will both loose some friends for it. Weigh carefully weather a relationship with him would be worth it. It could be, these things can work out with effort and maturity. I myself am just taking it as it comes. Things will be what they will be and I will be me no matter what. TL;DR: I feel your pain. Even if there isn't a explicit ban on him dating you it could have consequences. If you think it's worth the consequences you could ask him, and see if he thinks so too. Link to post Share on other sites
mysteryscape Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 It may not be forbidden at all, if done in the right way. After you're completely done with his class, it might be OK, but ONLY then. Your school must have a written policy re sexual harrassment and/or relations between faculty and students. You should look it up on the web and go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 He's obviously a sexual predator who is seeking to victimize young girls. Just kidding. You ask how to get your mind off him, try to get out and meet some other guys at parties or wherever. Trite advice but best I got. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 It's very common to feel attraction for a professor. I had crushes on many of mine! Fantasize, masturbate, and then get back to real life. Try very hard to be a responsible adult and not tease the poor guy. Represent yourself as a student worthy of respect, no matter what you are thinking in the privacy of your own mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aram7 Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 if you like him that much, why dont you just establish a friendship first, and just wait it out until you are old enough and you graduated, so that later in the long run you do get into a relationship in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Just walk into his office....alone of course, undress yourself...something you can drop off very quickly, and don't wear any underwear...then when you're standing there naked, as his jaw hits the floor just tell him..."Are you going to just sit there with that stupid look on your face...or are you going to fulfill a young girls fantasy?" Very few men are equipped with a defense mechanism to resist that (unless you're ugly and overweight..but don't get self-conscience about your body now, that's not very sexy!) regardless of whether they are married, single or in a relationship...I'd like to see him say no, unless of course he has a windowed office or no office at all, in which you may want to request a home visit Link to post Share on other sites
SmileFace Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Just walk into his office....alone of course, undress yourself...something you can drop off very quickly, and don't wear any underwear...then when you're standing there naked, as his jaw hits the floor just tell him..."Are you going to just sit there with that stupid look on your face...or are you going to fulfill a young girls fantasy?" Very few men are equipped with a defense mechanism to resist that (unless you're ugly and overweight..but don't get self-conscience about your body now, that's not very sexy!) regardless of whether they are married, single or in a relationship...I'd like to see him say no, unless of course he has a windowed office or no office at all, in which you may want to request a home visit Do this exactly. Then once he loses his job and you are suspended from school you both can live happily ever after... lol Link to post Share on other sites
kaylan Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Just walk into his office....alone of course, undress yourself...something you can drop off very quickly, and don't wear any underwear...then when you're standing there naked, as his jaw hits the floor just tell him..."Are you going to just sit there with that stupid look on your face...or are you going to fulfill a young girls fantasy?" Very few men are equipped with a defense mechanism to resist that (unless you're ugly and overweight..but don't get self-conscience about your body now, that's not very sexy!) regardless of whether they are married, single or in a relationship...I'd like to see him say no, unless of course he has a windowed office or no office at all, in which you may want to request a home visit haha...give guys some credit. Some of us, like myself, would tell the girl to get dressed and go home. I care about my career a lot more than I care about getting some tail. Link to post Share on other sites
runner Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 haha...give guys some credit. Some of us, like myself, would tell the girl to get dressed and go home. I care about my career a lot more than I care about getting some tail. considering how difficult it is to get tenured anywhere these days, i would be offended even if she were physically my dream girl. i'd probably wonder if it were some deliberate ploy to get me fired. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 considering how difficult it is to get tenured anywhere these days, i would be offended even if she were physically my dream girl. i'd probably wonder if it were some deliberate ploy to get me fired. Seriously! Let's face it, academic jobs are A) wonderful and B) rare and I wouldn't let anyone get in the way of getting tenure. While I understand not all students are aware of the time and effort professors have to put into securing their jobs, I would find it somewhat disrespectful if a student hit on me. I've had a really bad crush on a professor. It was a bit of torture but I got over it. I don't recall how. I think the semester ended and he was no longer in my life on a regular basis. So my advice is this: Focus on the fact that the semester is (likely) soon over. Try to avoid taking more classes with him, until a time when you know your crush is harmless (say when you start seeing someone). And more importantly: de-dramatize the crush. I suggest doing this by talking to a someone who is really grounded (like an older sister or a parent perhaps?). And face it, all this means is that you like smart men. Good for you! It might not seem like it hanging around 18 year old boys, but there are plenty of smart men out there. Yours will come your way. (And yes, smart men absolutely rock). Link to post Share on other sites
xdahliax Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 I don't want any of the students though, I like the fact that he's older. Seems to me like you like him just because he's older. You like the thrill of him, not him. That's not a good enough reason to take that kind of risk. Link to post Share on other sites
Avulare Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 There are LOTS of grad students in the 25-30+ year range, especially when you're looking at the PhD candidates. Many people don't enter grad school right after they finish their bachelors, so the age thing is pretty easy to accommodate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 There are LOTS of grad students in the 25-30+ year range, especially when you're looking at the PhD candidates. Many people don't enter grad school right after they finish their bachelors, so the age thing is pretty easy to accommodate. Thing is at many places a grad student dating a undergraduate could be a problem for the graduate. The faculty would at least question their judgement. Link to post Share on other sites
pcplod Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Says it all really. You know the score. You know the possible ramifications, so you are just having a wee word with the rest of the world about the frustration of not being able to deal with your frustrations. You have to consider the sobering thought that this is a situation that he has probably had to confront before and will undoubtedly have to again and maybe even several times simultaneously. You might well have competition. On top of that even though he isn't married he could have a whole harem of infatuated women out there who service him on a rotation basis, just giving into his his mind-spinning geeky nature. On that basis, why would he need or want to be married? Does that possible notion pour any cold water on your ardour? Or maybe he's a one-relationship, I'm in love with my geek-gadgets sort of guy? There are tens of thousands of wives out there who are Play Station widows, seriously. It's the modern equivalent of the golf widow syndrome. It really, really does happen. Link to post Share on other sites
RESO Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 I don't want any of the students though, I like the fact that he's older. Speaking as a 27 year old first year PhD, I'd go looking for the grad students. There are plenty as mature as he is. Link to post Share on other sites
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