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mens' female friends


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I started this thread because I want to understand why men insist on having women around, room-mates, ex-girlfriends, when they risk losing women (me) they fancy. A fair few men I've known have NOT presented me with these set-ups, or crticised these women so that I feel comfortable, probably on purpose.

 

I cannot understand why a man insists or just expects that women do NOT mind, even thought he may be spending more time with her and can act as if they are vital to each other's existences.

 

Why not get a male room-mate? Or tell the ex to move on? I would rather move on than put up with these things, and have, only to see him horrified. Which feels better than wondering who he liked more.

 

So tell me guys - why not ask these women to butt out for a few months?

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My female friends are very important to me. I would never have a romantic relationship with any women who was so delicate and insecure that she felt uneasy of those friendships. Trust is vital. Female friends bring important elements to the table and men don't have to jump the bones of every female who comes into their lives. There simply isn't the time or the sperm to do so anyway.

 

I think female friend can actually make a romantic relationship better, especially if everybody knows each other. A guy could get BORED TO TEARS just being around one woman day in and day out for years and years.

 

So what's the big deal???

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My female friends are very important to me. I would never have a romantic relationship with any women who was so delicate and insecure that she felt uneasy of those friendships. Trust is vital. Female friends bring important elements to the table and men don't have to jump the bones of every female who comes into their lives. There simply isn't the time or the sperm to do so anyway.

 

I think female friend can actually make a romantic relationship better, especially if everybody knows each other. A guy could get BORED TO TEARS just being around one woman day in and day out for years and years.

 

So what's the big deal???

 

I agree with you. Most of my ex's have had female friends, it's never bothered me. I would think that the kind of woman that would have a problem with this would be a turn off for most men.

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I agree with you. Most of my ex's have had female friends, it's never bothered me. I would think that the kind of woman that would have a problem with this would be a turn off for most men.

 

It's true. I have female friends who I've known for years. I'd never give them up for someone who I "fancy." And the fact of the matter is that most women have guy friends as well. The knife cuts both ways.

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he may be spending more time with her and can act as if they are vital to each other's existences

 

It's a matter of how important he treats the other friends. If you are the significant other, then you should be his highest priority, and vice versa. Yes, he can have other friends but if he's not treating you special enough, move on because it can only get worse as relationships tend to get comfortable over the years and people (mostly unintentionally) take their partners for granted. Or put another way, if he's not meeting your commitment at the same level as you are giving, keep looking till you find someone more compatible.

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I started this thread because I want to understand why men insist on having women around, room-mates, ex-girlfriends, when they risk losing women (me) they fancy. A fair few men I've known have NOT presented me with these set-ups, or crticised these women so that I feel comfortable, probably on purpose.

 

I cannot understand why a man insists or just expects that women do NOT mind, even thought he may be spending more time with her and can act as if they are vital to each other's existences.

 

Why not get a male room-mate? Or tell the ex to move on? I would rather move on than put up with these things, and have, only to see him horrified. Which feels better than wondering who he liked more.

 

So tell me guys - why not ask these women to butt out for a few months?

 

Echoing what other posters have already said, I value the relationships that I've forged with my female friends. They have been present with me through the various hurdles of my life, and I have likewise offered support to them in similar struggles. The insecurity of a potential love interest is not enough for me to forsake these cherished bonds.

 

I will say, though, that my female friends and I are strictly that, friends. We keep the same boundaries that I do with my male friends, so, in the event that my partner succumbs to jealousy, I know that it is her irrational appraisal of the situation and not something truly worth conflicting over. Other opposite-sex friendships are not so neatly compartmentalized, and in those cases I can see why a recently arrived love interest might take issue with the time her/his significant other is spending with his/her "friends" in name only.

Edited by PratyekaYana
corrected a typo
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Heck, I once dated a guy that was still friends with 3 ex's and they all hung out in the same social circle. They'd been a social group for many years, and some cross dating had certainly happened over the years. I met all three of them and hung out with them regularly- they were very cool girls as well as good friends with one another. They were very welcoming to me. I had no issues with whatsoever with that.

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I keep mostly female friends because I've had jealousy/problems with male friends over females. Female friends provide an insight that guys just don't have. My female partner can leave @ any time, female friends will still be there before & after a relationship. It's NOT good for either sex to give up friends because of their partners.

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so everyone is happy except me - amazed that even asking female freinds to butt out for a while is taboo. the men here saying no to telling the women frends to butt out couldn't be in love otherwise you'd address the potential girlfriend's pain

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so everyone is happy except me - amazed that even asking female freinds to butt out for a while is taboo. the men here saying no to telling the women frends to butt out couldn't be in love otherwise you'd address the potential girlfriend's pain

 

What is the source of the pain, though? Is it a genuine feeling of displeasure that comes as a result of one's partner violating the boundaries of friendship (treating the female friend, for instance, like more of a girlfriend than the actual girlfriend), or is it merely insecurity at the notion that one's partner has a friend of the opposite sex with no justifiable objection over that relationship? If it's the former, then you have a problem on your hands and I understand why you are feeling the pain that you mentioned.

 

If it is the latter, then I'm afraid that is an extension of your own insecurity that you must contend with (and, more importantly, something that you can't blame on your significant other).

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it's the female room-mate he joked about screwing and the ex who he felt obligated to. the ex has gone from his life, but the joke about the room-mate had me walk away. better he's at home worrying about me than me at home worrying about him. he's sorry i've gone, i can see that, he deserves to lose me/didn't want me that much. i don't see boyfriend material and remain wary of ppl who don't care if i'm happy or sad. period.

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SincereOnlineGuy
I started this thread because I want to understand why men insist on having women around, room-mates, ex-girlfriends, when they risk losing women (me) they fancy. A fair few men I've known have NOT presented me with these set-ups, or crticised these women so that I feel comfortable, probably on purpose.

 

I cannot understand why a man insists or just expects that women do NOT mind, even thought he may be spending more time with her and can act as if they are vital to each other's existences.

 

Why not get a male room-mate? Or tell the ex to move on? I would rather move on than put up with these things, and have, only to see him horrified. Which feels better than wondering who he liked more.

 

So tell me guys - why not ask these women to butt out for a few months?

 

 

 

Uhhhhhhhhhh, this should be easy:

 

The guys in question see themselves as being "in line" for the romantic affections of those women...

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Uhhhhhhhhhh, this should be easy:

 

The guys in question see themselves as being "in line" for the romantic affections of those women...

 

I had a long-lasting boyf who ran a night-club (lots of sex opportunities) could tell when he was messing around, but he was my security and he never let me feel I didn't matter "I could forgive you anything" he would say mid-coitus (!) or "we were made for each other"

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I had a long-lasting boyf who ran a night-club (lots of sex opportunities) could tell when he was messing around, but he was my security and he never let me feel I didn't matter "I could forgive you anything" he would say mid-coitus (!) or "we were made for each other"

 

learnd alot from that.

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It's a matter of how important he treats the other friends. If you are the significant other, then you should be his highest priority, and vice versa. Yes, he can have other friends but if he's not treating you special enough, move on because it can only get worse as relationships tend to get comfortable over the years and people (mostly unintentionally) take their partners for granted. Or put another way, if he's not meeting your commitment at the same level as you are giving, keep looking till you find someone more compatible.

 

 

This. I think everyone should be allowed to have whatever gender friends they want. As long as the significant other is the highest priority. A lot of men might not realize also that one of those "Friends" has the hots for him and he may not see how manipulative she is. I've been in a situation where I was dating a guy (it was very short lived) and if his "friend" knew we were together, she'd try to keep him on the phone because she "needed" him and was having a "crisis". She was single. When we were introduced she didn't speak to me. She told him he was making a mistake and I wasn't the woman for him. That's because in her mind, she was the woman for him. We ended it because I couldn't compete with "friend", she shortly after confessed her undying love and now she hates him because he didn't return the feelings.

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This. I think everyone should be allowed to have whatever gender friends they want. As long as the significant other is the highest priority. A lot of men might not realize also that one of those "Friends" has the hots for him and he may not see how manipulative she is. I've been in a situation where I was dating a guy (it was very short lived) and if his "friend" knew we were together, she'd try to keep him on the phone because she "needed" him and was having a "crisis". She was single. When we were introduced she didn't speak to me. She told him he was making a mistake and I wasn't the woman for him. That's because in her mind, she was the woman for him. We ended it because I couldn't compete with "friend", she shortly after confessed her undying love and now she hates him because he didn't return the feelings.

 

 

This is what happened in my situation,too.

 

Before that, I never had an issue with any previous romantic partners having established female friends.....

 

There was some very nasty behind-the scenes sabotage happening with my SO's female friend----she was nice to me in front of him, and completely nasty when he was out of earshot---like flipping a switch....

 

So I was left with a very bad taste in my mouth, after that......

I think the only way it can work without stressing a romantic relationship is if there's concrete boundaries in place, and complete transparency.

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i think older guys understand the female friend can be off-putting, coz they never come to me glued to some maybe-phoney limpet, it's like a rite of passage perhaps, as they have lost the women they fancy in their youth, a keen man wouldn't give the woman they like the head-ache of competing

 

all my freinds say the female room-mate is a bad idea; certainly joking about sleeping with her was a hint to me

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i think older guys understand the female friend can be off-putting, coz they never come to me glued to some maybe-phoney limpet, it's like a rite of passage perhaps, as they have lost the women they fancy in their youth, a keen man wouldn't give the woman they like the head-ache of competing

 

all my freinds say the female room-mate is a bad idea; certainly joking about sleeping with her was a hint to me

 

depends on the individual girl. of course most dont like the idea of a male roommate. but some don't mind.

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I started this thread because I want to understand why men insist on having women around, room-mates, ex-girlfriends, when they risk losing women (me) they fancy. A fair few men I've known have NOT presented me with these set-ups, or crticised these women so that I feel comfortable, probably on purpose.

 

I cannot understand why a man insists or just expects that women do NOT mind, even thought he may be spending more time with her and can act as if they are vital to each other's existences.

 

Why not get a male room-mate? Or tell the ex to move on? I would rather move on than put up with these things, and have, only to see him horrified. Which feels better than wondering who he liked more.

 

So tell me guys - why not ask these women to butt out for a few months?

 

Basically, because I have women friends I've known a lot longer than you. They've been there for me and you haven't. Until our relationship has progressed to the point of full commitment, or unless the women are crossing some line, don't expect me to have all revolve around you.

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they do cross lines, he joked about scrwing his "sweet" room-mate and his crazy drug addict ex-girlf knows my address but he wont give me hers

 

i have been frends with men and women and couples, and would always dress drab/low-key, am not bad-looking but will always spelll out that i am just a friend and i give the women the top spot socially on purpose

 

but tbh all my male freinds hav hit on me, which says something about the male psyche! only one is still in my life

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If a man insisted on keeping his female friends, he can insist on me walking right out the door.

 

 

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.

Sally: Why not?

Harry: What I'm saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally: Yes I do.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally: Yes I do.

Harry: You only think you do.

Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: How do you know?

Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail 'em too.

Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?

Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Harry: Guess not.

Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York.

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If a man insisted on keeping his female friends, he can insist on me walking right out the door.

 

Then it's safe to say you have no male friends?

 

A woman with no male friends would actually be a red flag for me.

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I fit into the harry met sally routine, I knew a girl and then she got married and wanted her some much more. They had fights about us, spending to much time together. We almost had an affair, after she separated we started seeing eachother, and sleeping together. As it turns out we wanted different things and went our own way... me to being upset and her to some new guy I was nervous about.... of course she is a relationship jumper...

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