davesoprano Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 I met this girl about 4 years ago at my party. She begged me to drive her back to her house in her own car because she was drunk. She seemed nice and down to earth at the time but then 2 days later, she started getting a bit verbally abusive, the insults seem like jokes but some other times, it feels like she's degrading me and testing my nerves. The second time I met her, she told me she was going through a separation with her current boyfriend and that she wasn't looking for anything other than friendship with me and I agreed. But sometimes it appears like she's not so sure what she wants and she makes little moves on me from time to time (she even kisses me sometimes saying that she loves me); but this only happens when she's drunk. When she's drunk, she's playful and down to earth, but when she's sober, she's like somewhat bossy and constantly calling me names like idiot or dumbass when I make a simple mistake. Though, like I said, she appears to insult me jokingly (especially with this really annoying smile that she has). Around the time that I first met her, she called me an idiot in front of her lady friend and then smiled so annoyingly after she said it, like she knew it would piss me off. She really got to me one night on October of 2009. We were planning on seeing a movie that night and she called me names throughout the whole day (this time I wasn't even sure if some of the insults were jokes or just simply her trying to provoke me). She even talked down to me that day like telling me to use my brain. She seemed to be in a jolly mood during and after the movie but then when we got back to my car and I wouldn’t start the car on time, she got really bitchy and was telling me to start the car now. We were driving to the bar and she bitched throughout the whole night and because of it, I got a little distracted in between and almost didn’t notice an ambulance turning my way. She then lectured me like I was a kid and said “rule of thumb, when you see an ambulance, you’re supposed to stop”. Then she said I was driving too slowly and that I should hurry up, she even told me to honk my horn at some people who were driving a bit recklessly. When we got to the bar, she apologized for the verbal harassment (as she so delicately put it) but I didn’t say anything to her throughout the whole night because I was so pissed. 2 weeks after that movie night, she called me up asking if I wanted to hang out and then I warned her never to call me names again on a regular basis. She apologized again and said she gets carried away sometimes. But then she looked for another way to talk down to me like telling me to yell at her dog for bothering me and I was saying to myself like "It’s your dog, YOU yell at it?". And I even tried to yell at the dog (but only God knows why) and because I wasn’t aggressive enough about it, she asked if I was a woman or something. I warned her about that too and ever since I warned her twice, she’s toned down on her rude behavior so much. The whole time I’ve known this girl, she’s been talking about her ex boyfriend (or whatever he is to him these days) nonstop. She tells me every time that she’s broken up with him but then some after that she’ll bring him up in conversation. Last year we made love for the first time but then after a third time, she said we should just remain friends. Sometime after that, she wanted to make love again and I agreed, and we did this like 2 other times. All the times we’ve had sex, she was drunk. It's like a "like" and "hate" relationship with this girl. Sometimes I really enjoy her company, we make each other laugh and we playfully make fun of each other. But some other times she's can be really obnoxious (e.g like the name calling which, like I said, she does playfully but too much). And like I said, the name calling has toned down a lot now but I guess I’m still going through the after effect of the excessive insults I used to take from her (whether she meant them or not), which is why I still get a bit sensitive when she insults me just a little bit every now and then. And even now that I insult back more often, I still don’t feel satisfied, or maybe I feel like I don't insult her viciously enough. So what do you guys make of this? Is this kind of person even worth having as a friend, let alone a lover (despite the good things about her I just mentioned)? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 5, 2011 Share Posted July 5, 2011 IMO, she's an alcoholic as well as a vampire. It is a path for some people. Presuming you have healthy platonic friendships, compare your 'friendship' with her to those. How does that go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author davesoprano Posted July 6, 2011 Author Share Posted July 6, 2011 lol I couldn't have said it better myself. Someone else said she's like a 2 year old that drinks too much Link to post Share on other sites
buster2209 Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Not too mention she is using you as a verbal punch bag. Personally, I would tell her to *** herself. But that's me. Link to post Share on other sites
Sp3ll1ng Posted July 7, 2011 Share Posted July 7, 2011 Honestly, I think she could be a good ****-buddy, but that is about it. A relationship with her would be very unstabled. It is like taking care of a child. Just think to yourself, what kind of guy was she with before that made her this way? Not everyone is like that way just from their parents or anything like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author davesoprano Posted July 15, 2011 Author Share Posted July 15, 2011 (edited) Honestly all this "someone else made me this way" or "my parents made me like this" crap is all bull****. People choose the way they wanna be. She's a bitch because she inherited that bitch personality from her mother. Even if her mom didn't treat her like crap, she'd still be a bitch because it's in her blood to be a bitch. Only reason she doesn't bitch her pussy ass boyfriend out is because she's afraid of him So maybe one could say her mother's GENES made her this way. And yes, she is definitely the perfect **** buddy and nothing more. I've just been using the nice guy approach to get her to **** me, but it's obvious that approach won't get you very far. I've finally decided to stop being in denial and to accept the fact that nice guys do indeed finish last Edited July 15, 2011 by davesoprano Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 she's a manipulator and an abuser. there's nothing funny about the way she is treating you, its disgusting and I would never recommend anyone from either gender put up with this type of behavior. oh and i have seen men treat women this way too. its just the way abusers live their lives, trying to cut down other people. this stems from insecurities within herself. don't try to fix her, it's a waste of your time. i don't have anything against you and her being fyck buddies if you like, but don't waste too long on her, because ultimately its a dead end relationship. you dont want this person in your life too long. the fact that you are picking up her abusive traits to throw right back at her is a shame. you may think its good medicine, and for the most part is does likely tone her down somewhat with you fighting back, but remember that is just temporary. in the long run this is just a waste of time. you can't ever trust your heart with this type person, and eventually you will want a real relationship. its going to take years and alot of hard knocks and tragedy in her life for her to get an attitude adjustment and act better. that is a long process if it even happens at all (some people never change). just don't become like her from hanging around her. turning into an @sshole will become a detriment for your future as well. move on after you've had you fun but dont hang around her too much longer. Link to post Share on other sites
cheergirl Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 IMO, she's an alcoholic as well as a vampire. It is a path for some people. Presuming you have healthy platonic friendships, compare your 'friendship' with her to those. How does that go? Agreed... Not too mention she is using you as a verbal punch bag. Personally, I would tell her to *** herself. But that's me. Agreed... Even a with f*ck-buddy, don't you have to like them? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 I think 'like' is part of FWB (friends with benefits) but not required for fµck-buddies, since that is more like seeing a prostitute, perhaps with a different payment form. While there may be a few short-term benefits, especially for those who can extract benefit from fµck-buddies, in the long term the vampire will win. It's hard to care less than a vampire does, and remain human. Link to post Share on other sites
Author davesoprano Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 lol or you think it's just all in my head huh? That I'm just infatuated with the idea of me and her actually having a good time? Well she sure is the ultimate mind-****. She even texted me yesterday apologizing for everything she's done to me, as if she knew that was the reason I've been ignoring her. She even said some of my jokes offended her as well. I couldn't help but laugh because she really thought I was gonna fall for another trick, so I'll feel sorry for her and wanna reconcile with her and wanna come back to her for another merry go round. Like damn is she so hell bent on making my life miserable that she won't be satisfied until I'm dead Vampire lol you hit the nail on the head with that one Carhill Link to post Share on other sites
Author davesoprano Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 To Forever Learning: Thats actually one of the best advices I've heard (and I don't mean that in a sarcastic way). Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky_One Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I can't figure out why you hung out with her for the first 3 years, assuming that you only hang out with her now for sex. If someone had to be drunk before they kissed me or had sex with me, I wouldn't feel too good about the relationship -FB, FWB or GF/BF. Link to post Share on other sites
Dorie Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 A drain, a drunk, and a total waste of time is how I'd describe this girl. Link to post Share on other sites
susanfollows Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 If you're not a troll teasing us then my advice is to confront her, be a man, tell her everything you have wanted to say and do it in a forceful manner. Then say "I never want to see or hear from you ever again." Once you've done that you'll be free and trust me it's much better than FWB in this case. Link to post Share on other sites
Forever Learning Posted July 23, 2011 Share Posted July 23, 2011 To Forever Learning: Thats actually one of the best advices I've heard (and I don't mean that in a sarcastic way). Gosh, thanks alot! You made my day!! You know I'm a little flakey and a little dippy and a little bit of an airhead.... but that advice was from the heart and I try to keep it real. Cheers! Link to post Share on other sites
Author davesoprano Posted July 26, 2011 Author Share Posted July 26, 2011 (edited) To Forever Learning: Yea I could tell it came from the heart because a lot of people always give the usual advice that everyone already knows and they’ll just tell it to you just for telling sake; in other words “easier said than done!” But when people give advices that never came to one’s mind, that’s how you know the person really means what he/she feels. Anyhew, I’m still in touch with this girl but only difference is she’s stopped calling me names and has started showing me a lot of respect and that’s what it’s all about. I also told her to shut up about her boyfriend like “look, please would you just, shut the **** up about your boyfriend! YOU know him, I don’t, so I don’t care about anything that goes on in his life!” She was actually surprised I manned up to her like this. I don’t care if one doesn’t wanna be my lover, **** buddy or whatever, as long as the person respects me as a human being. Edited July 26, 2011 by davesoprano Link to post Share on other sites
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