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A long time coming.


youaremysunshine

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youaremysunshine

I've had a longstanding crush on a close friend and I've heard from several mutual friends that he really likes me. Apparently he has lots of nice things to say about me and even jokingly referred to me as his future wife. Our friendship has been pretty firtatious from the get go but over the years we have never been single at the same time.

 

Anyway a last weekend his girlfriend of 8 months dumped him for going out with our friend who was in from out of town rather than her. He tells me she was very overbearing and that over the 8 months he never once slept alone. He seemed to like her even though she was very controlling about what he did and who he saw. He was pretty sad about the whole thing but he can be a little oversensitive.

 

Two days ago was his birthday and my group of friends went out even though he was still really down. I had way too much to drink, he had way to much to drink and we ended up making out at the bar in front of everyone! And then we went back to my place and had sex. I had wanted him for so long! The next morning I wake up and we chat and cuddle a little bit, and it's not awkward at all. then he says he doesn't want a relationship! Ouch! I say I like him a lot and he says he likes me a lot. We have sex again and he says that it feels right and that he likes that there's no presure. We cuddle and talk till he has to go meet his mom for lunch and he says he feels really good about what happened and himself.

That afternoon his fb status is that he had an amazing birthday and he feels awesome. Since then HE has sent me a number of messages asking how I am and calling me some rather silly pet names.

Does he want a relationship after all? I know he is kinda a serial monogamist going from one serious girlfriend to serious girlfriend fast. I don't want anything TOO serious right away but he is really nice, fun to be around, handsome and really good in the sack. I wanna date him but I dont wanna scare him away.

 

Thanks!

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sounds like you're in the role of rebound romance partner even if this isn't his actual intention – if he just broke up with a long-term girlfriend and he's determined *not* to date (despite how happy you make him), that could be tricky.

 

talk to him about how he feels about things, especially about you two being together but not having long-range plans, only enjoying each other's company. Who knows? Maybe the casual but committed dating thing is something you both could benefit from without the pressure of *having* to be seriously involved (even if you've chosen a monogamous relationship).

 

romance is a tricky thing, but remember, the two of you set the boundaries, and no one else.

 

good luck!

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youaremysunshine

The committed but casual thing would be the ideal. I broke up with my live-in boyfriend of 3 years a few months ago and I love my new found sense of independance. Spending all your time with someone is easy to fall into at first but eventually the one you were crazy about becomes an annoyance. I hated having to constantly check in with him so much I let my cell phone get cut off. I was also really uncomfortable with him around my parents cause they are strict and there is also a language barrier. My ex actualy forbid me from seeing my friend/now lover! I guess he was right that we had something between us.

He said he wanted "this" to happen again but I don't want it to be just sex cause I really feel something for him. I'm pretty disillusioned with the idea of everlasting love/ mariage after my last boyfriend and just being so young.

 

 

Ugh I can't stop thinking about him haha

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youaremysunshine

And now the ex is losing her mind sending both of us threatening text messages.

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  • 1 month later...
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youaremysunshine

An update. Since we slept together his level of interest in me had dropped sharply. He's always sweet to me when I see him out, which is often but he NEVER messages me first. We've had a few drunken make out sessions but we haven't like hung out really. Also he took a bus trip out of town (she paid) to visit a woman he used to date. It doesn't really bother me that he's sleeping with other girls, I just would be so sad of he got exclusive with someone else when he didn't want to with me. I've also heard from mural friends/ gleaned from his facebook that he is rather depressed between the break up and severing tendons in his hand falling on glass. He can't work or drive and drinks everyday now. I wish he would let me be there for him, I'm a compassionate person and a good listener. I'm worried about him.

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BeyondtheClouds

if he's "confused" what definitive thing could he possibly tell you.

 

You could continue on as FWB....while keeping your eyes open for other opportunities. When something else comes along, you could tell him that a decision must be made and that will give your answer.

 

The possibility is to stop all sexual activity. You will still see him as you're part of the same social circle. IF he really wants to date you, then he'll step up to the plate.

 

One thing to remember is that his ex gf could come back.

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youaremysunshine

I'm going to try to stop sexual activity with him. I've heard that he's slept with several other women. He can get all the sex he wants from these one night stands so he doesnt really need me. When the time comes that he wants a relationship I hope he realize that I care about him and will treat him right. I'm still gonna see him around lots and we'll both be drinking so it'll be hard to keep my hands off him.

 

Also, I'm good friends with the singer in a punk band he loves. This guy's father whom he has a very troubled relationship is dying. I've lost a parent and my family situation is pretty messed up so we've bonded and we've been spending ALOT of time together, like going to shows, getting dinner, just walking around all night. I know this guy has nothing

but friendly, rather affectionate but completely innocent feelings for me. Is it wrong to let the first guy think we are an item? Am I using my singer friend? Will that ruin my chances with the guy I like?

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  • 3 weeks later...
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youaremysunshine

It seems cutting out sexual contact and appearing interested in other guys has failed horribly. We barely speak now, all I get from him is a little wave when I see him and he never responds to my messages. Also the ex girlfriend is still terrorizing me when ever u run into her. All talk though, it seems.

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