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I Told Him I Love Him


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I have a good friend who i have been in a sexual relationship with for a couple of years. I adore him, he is the smartest and most handsome adorable man i have ever met.

 

A couple of weeks ago he went away for work and for the very first time i missed him. We were texting and i told him i missed him. All he said was "thats not good for either of us, because i cant do anything to help you". I know he didnt miss me, but that didnt bother me, he was on a business trip and busy and i was left behind

 

Then on Friday, a few things happened and i ended up telling him on Saturday night that i loved him. By text, which is not ideal, but i was nervous and really needed to tell him

 

Am i foolish telling someone i love them when i know they dont love me?

 

I texted the next day that i know he doesnt have feelings for me, and that i just wanted to tell him how I felt because thats me, and i dont expect anything back. He didnt reply.

 

Am i an idiot?

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Were you honest when you said you didn't expect anything in return. Or maybe more accurately that you didn't want anything? I suspect not.

 

His lack of response is not promising.

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No really, when i told him i loved him i kind of didnt actually think about what his response was or would be. I know he wouldnt feel the same, i mean i know he doesnt LOVE me anyway. I just wanted to say it and get it off my chest

 

I was more wanting an acknowledgement of my text today when i said

 

" i know you dont feel the same, ive always known , but i just wanted to tell you how i felt, because thats me, i wasnt expecting anything back"

 

i was just wanting an acknowledgement on that. A kind of acknowledgement that he knows that I know that he doesnt have feelings.

 

But no nothing

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You got the dreaded non-response.

 

Him chiding you for saying you missed him was a bad sign. Him not responding to your I love you indicates that he wants none of that conversation.

 

Do you really want to love someone who doesn't love you back?

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he wasnt really chiding, he was just saying that he was away and couldnt do anuything to make me feel better

 

 

I dunno. as for loving someone who doesnt love me back, well its the story of my life

 

He is sooo out of my league though i was never expecting him to love me , i just fell in love with him

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You got the dreaded non-response.

 

Him chiding you for saying you missed him was a bad sign. Him not responding to your I love you indicates that he wants none of that conversation.

 

Do you really want to love someone who doesn't love you back?

 

The problem is though with him- not responding to texts is something he does randomly for no reason. He is a non texter. He hates it.

 

So him not responding doesnt really mean much.

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Hmm

 

well i asked him what he thought and he said "dont want it, as you know, as i have told you before"

 

meaning a relationship.

 

then he said he will get back to me about seeing me again, that he "needs time to think".

 

then i was joking about ways i could fall out of love with him (since thats what he wants)

 

and he replied saying he wants no contact for two weeks

 

 

i said well i was just joking since you dont want me to love you, and then i said ok, 2 weeks then, whatever you want:o

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

what do you make of that?

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I don't think you did anything wrong, you were just honest and being true to yourself. Obviously, I don't know how he feels but he sounds pretty definite about not wanting a relationship. His not responding is not good. It's just possible though that he's stunned and is either not sure what to say or not sure what he feels himself. He may need some time to mull this over. Maybe you could leave him to it for a while. Chasing him and demanding a response would definitely be counter-productive at this point. You've planted a seed, see what happens. Love is hard to hide and tends to come out in little ways anyway so it was probably only a matter of time before he got the idea that your feelings were growing . Be proud that you were honest but don't expect him to feel the same way; he does sound rather withholding on the emotional caretaking front. You know, you could find someone who really does want what you want. I'm sure you deserve someone just as committed.

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I agree. It was best to be honest with yourself and him about your feelings. But I'd say you should be prepared for the end of your arrangement with him.

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I agree. It was best to be honest with yourself and him about your feelings. But I'd say you should be prepared for the end of your arrangement with him.

 

Me three. At least now you know...

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I told him that he had beter not wait too long to get back to me, and that even though i love him i will not wait forever. And that i am going to start seeing other people while he works out what he wants

 

I ended up saying that he has to come to me, as in show up at my house within 3 weeks or i am moving on for good

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what a waste of 3 weeks..start moving on now, this man has no intention of a future with you..this should be blaringly obvious..im guessing your just having sex with him in the hopes he may change his mind (he won't)..i did this to a woman although i made it very clear I would never date her, she also professed her love in which case i had to cut her off..do what you need to do

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