Jump to content

he's not talking about future, doesn't want relationship, why are we still...


Recommended Posts

seeing each other? ok...it's been almost a year..i am definitely in love, he never told me..said he is attracted and drawn to me, loves this and this about me. well, seeing is probably stretching it. we have sex. well, we also live hours apart, one of his reasons he uses for not wanting a relationship. he went tru some things, ex had a baby by another man. i know he is scared to trust, but what am i gonna do? in my heart i feel something more than meets the eye is there..i am so frustrated at times with the progress though. when we first me, there was an instant connection. i have been to his place, even meet his child and brother. i think when he went through this situation with his ex, he made a plan and is trying to stick with it. i am getting confused. am i really seeing something there or what? i am tired of being single while loving him. he is really attractive, he could be with anybody..am i dreaming of him waking up, realizing he loves me? hanging inthere? letting go? be gentle...:rolleyes:

Link to post
Share on other sites
BetterOffWithoutYou

sweety it is time to let go. there is no point in trying to convince someone to be with you or waiting around for them. either they want a relationship or they don't. he has made it clear he doesn't and honestly, it is nearly impossible to convince a man with commitment issues to change. people don't change unless they want to and he obviously doesn't want to. as to your question why are you still seeing each other? easy, you are giving him all the perks of a relationship without forcing him to commit. if he can have what ever her wants from you when ever he wants and he's not ur bf why do you think he will make the next move? why would he commit when he is getting his way? i hope you also realize he probably doesn't want to commit bc he is seeing other women too. this is a theory, but very probable. as you said, it is long distance so how are you to know what he is doing when you don't visit? he may like you and may even have some feelings for you, but a to a man with commitment issues this means nothing. his own fears will overcome any of the amazing qualities i'm sure you possess. remember, there is nothing wrong with you... this man has his own issues. you can't change him no matter how great you are. i think it's time to cut your losses and start no contact. you deserve someone who not only wants you, but will do anything to keep you! stop giving this guy everything he wants for free... you need to make a man earn it! also, why do you think you are in love? is it genuine or is it the fact you want what you can't have? i question how you can be in love with someone who is using you. i realize this is hard to hear, but i just want to help. how do you feel about the things i have said? anything ring true?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

its hard to hear that, lol! i don't wanna hear that..i think he is amazing..not one of those users or players..

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

of course i'm not delusional..thanks for ur answer...i guess i just want one person to tell me that i am not wasting my time lol, cuz it hurts..

Link to post
Share on other sites
BetterOffWithoutYou

i'm just trying to let you know the reality of relationships. hopefully other members will answer with their opinions but i don't think they are going to tell you what you want to hear. if he has closed off his heart to protect himself then there is nothing you can do to change him. he has to admit to this and get help to work through his problem. and in all honesty, men who can get sex with out a relationship have no reason to commit. this is rule number one for women... if you want to be with a guy don't give it up for free. you have heard the expression why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free? well this is the perfect example.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'll be as gentle as I can.

 

This man clearly wants a FWB, not a real relationship. He doesn't want to say that outright, hence all the blather about how he is scared to trust and so on. I don't believe a word of it. It's just a bunch of lame excuses. He has you exactly where he wants you, and he doesn't want to change anything.

 

Keep something in mind. Many men--I want to say most men--actually prefer FWB to having a real relationship. In a FWB, the man gets all the benefits of a real relationship--affection, sex, companionship--but with no strings. FWB is the ultimate win/win, have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too situation, from the male POV. Don't enter into a FWB thinking it will grow into something more. It won't. He won't let it. Why would he? He is already getting everything he wants--for free!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

he did tell me that. that he has closed off his heart, that he is emotional but is running, is scared, doesnt want to get attached. how could he trust me, when he couldnt trust his wife. yet everytime..when we get to a point where things are heated and it's the perfect time to walk away..he does something..he even wears my ring. so...should i just do nothing, no big announcement -im cutting you off- let things happen? or dissappear? question is..when do i have enough? i miss him. all i do is think of him. sometimes its weeks and weeks before we are able to get together. how can he be so detached, or is he, and i cant..

Link to post
Share on other sites
BetterOffWithoutYou

well i would suggest you need to have a serious talk with him. you need to be honest about how you feel about him, what you want from him , and if he is not willing to be in a relationship with you then you are not willing to keep waiting around. he reaction will tell you everything you need to know. if you really mean so much to him he will cut the games out and commit. if he is unwilling to then why do you want to keep giving him your all??? don't you think you deserve to get what you need as well? open and honest communication is the only chance you have at fixing things, but remember he has to WANT to open up his heart and trust again. if he isn't ready there is nothing you can do to change that. and of course you will miss him like crazy! everyone has been there, but everyone has made it through, as will you. once you make the conscious desicion that you deserve better your strength will sky rocket! best of luck hun!

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...