Primavera Posted February 27, 2010 Share Posted February 27, 2010 I’ve had a long and complicated history with one of my closest friends. He initially started liking me about a year ago., But we fell out when I started getting close to other people and started seeing someone else. Even after the fighting had stopped and my relationship was over, we drifted apart. Somehow, we truly reconciled during last summer and became good friends again. That was when I started developing feelings for him. It was extremely confusing because my feelings for him were inconsistent. Sometimes I liked him and sometimes I just felt like his friend. I just dismissed my feelings as some kind of deep care. My priority was to maintain our friendship and make sure we didn’t fell out like we once did. I also began to grow paranoid if he still had feelings for me. I hoped that he had gotten over them because of the potential complications involved, but at the same time a part of me still wanted him to like me. When I he told me he liked someone else, I was less than okay with it but I encouraged him to pursue a relationship with that other girl anyway. They eventually went out and I tried my best to be supportive. I was starting to get over him until I found out that he still had feelings for me. There had been strange signs with him and gf. He said how he felt forced around her and questioned whether he truly liked her. In addition, he still cared more about me even though he liked his gf more “romantically”. I’m his best friend and confidant. But our friendship is always an emotional rollercoaster and we tend to fight over the dumbest things. But still, we cared deeply about one another. He ended things with her recently, four months in. He had tried to like her but he just couldn’t. And he also admitted that he still liked me more all along. We are more than friends but we don’t feel strongly enough to pursue a relationship. After all this time my feelings for him still remain inconsistent. I literally have feelings for him one moment and they can be gone in another. Even when I don’t feel as if I “like” him, I think about him nonstop and always have a desire to spend more time with him. I also don’t want others to have him. He is also the only guy I have a physical attraction to. Ever since he broke up with his gf we have been acting very affectionate towards each other (cuddling, holding hands, etc). He admits that his feelings toward me are mutually inconsistent and confusing. It’s frustrating to be stuck in the middle. Because of my inconstancy, I can’t truly know how I feel about him. Maybe my feelings are that of a possessive friend, maybe it’s all hormones and physical attraction. I don’t know. What remains consistent is how much care about him and how much I want him to be in my life. I’m afraid that this inconsistency can ruin our relationship. Can any of you relate to my situation? If so, do you have any advice on how I might be able to sort out my feelings? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
youaretheone Posted February 27, 2010 Share Posted February 27, 2010 That is exactly how I feel about my 5 year best friend. The only difference is, we haven't confessed to each other that we have feelings for the other one. Read my recent post titled "flirty best friend":http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t222899/ Similar to your situation, there are times when I completely take her as a friend and have fun with other girl friends, be cool and times when I cannot get her out of my mind, keep constantly thinking about her, always wanting to be next to her, desiring to make something that will make her happy, ignoring all other girls who are potential girlfriends. But despite the inconsistency in my feelings, I surely know that I love her much more different than a romantic love: That is a deep, unconditional love and consists of an innate urge to make her happy, protect her from sadness and care for her as if she is a part of me. I personally believe that this inconsistency takes place when this special love starts turning into a romantic one, but since it is stronger than that, i can get that out of my head and start feeling normal again. This is how I feel. I hope it could provide you an option to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted February 27, 2010 Share Posted February 27, 2010 Hope I am heading down the right avenue of speech when I say....FEELINGS Do not determine LOVE or the ACTIONS taken thru Loving relationships. THe best foundation for a long term relationship is the FRIENDSHIP. It just gets Dipped in desire and cross's a mutual line of consent to explore further. One can have INSTINCTS for where things are headed or not headed. As Adults, trust those instincts....No matter what the relationship, they will aide you in making wise decisions. Decisions then lead to action/or in action. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Primavera Posted March 4, 2010 Author Share Posted March 4, 2010 I impulsively kissed him recently. Now I'm as confused as ever. Brilliant, Link to post Share on other sites
youaretheone Posted March 4, 2010 Share Posted March 4, 2010 I impulsively kissed him recently. Now I'm as confused as ever. Brilliant, Why don't you try a relationship if it is coming naturally from your impulses? If you have a solid friendship, you can again be friends as before like you never dated. Maybe you two will realize that a relationship is not suitable for you and move on. Then you will understand that your friendship is more precious than ever. Link to post Share on other sites
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