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I got rejected by my best guy friend.


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

 
 
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Old 15th June 2009, 4:17 AM   #1
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I got rejected by my best guy friend.

This hurts so much. I opened up my heart to him. He told me he just likes me as a friend, and that we're better as just friends. I truly love him, and I have for more than a year. He's attracted to me, but I'm just a friend. Everyone said that he must be head over heels for me because of the things he does for me, the way he treats me, talks about me...but I am just a friend, and that's all I'll ever be.

I am in so much pain. I want it to stop. When will "acceptance" kick in?
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Old 15th June 2009, 10:58 AM   #2
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Acceptance will kick in when you are ready to accept what he has said. If you're looking for acceptance to kick in in just a matter of days, I don't want to be the bearer of bad news by saying that it might be a while before you can truly accept him as a friend and only a as a friend.

The way to move forward is to listen to your emotions and don't fight them. If you feel like crying, then cry. Don't hold back. Get all of the bad stuff out of you. You also need to try to keep yourself busy as much as possible to keep your mind off this situation.

My heart goes out to you, this is such a rough thing to deal with. I've been though it once before and I'm going though it right now. It's almost impossible to think that all of the time you spent with him that he didn't at least on some level feel what you felt. It just doesn't seem possible.

You will get through this and you will be stronger because of it. Look at it this way, at least you know where you stand with him. It's unfortunate it wasn't the answer you were looking for, but you know.
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Old 15th June 2009, 11:02 AM   #3
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If he was honest with you then it is time to buck up and move on, if you continue being sad you could build up resentment and then ruin what sounds to be an outstanding friendship. Be thankful that he chose to be honest with you rather then stringing you along. That truely is a sign of a great friend.
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Old 15th June 2009, 1:05 PM   #4
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You just want to thank your lucky stars that he had the balls to tell you to your face, its much better than being stringed along by some funkwit (one of my good mates) for 5 months to then sleep with them and be ignored!!!!! Raaaaaaar!!

Although I realise that this is not the issue. The issue is that you obviously really like this guy and when the feelings arent reciprocated but appear to be on the surface, THATS when it hurts and causes confusion.

As stated above, it is time to move on sweetie. There are plenty of men out there that will treat better than he does and will throw in some love too!
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Old 15th June 2009, 1:44 PM   #5
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mint... I'm sorry. I've also been there and it isn't fun. It took me 2 years to get over him because I was really in love with him. We were friends for 6 years before that. We are still friends now... but it took a long time before I could bring myself to be a good friend to him without resentment.

Just be prepared for a rocky road if you plan on staying friends with him.


***Just for the sake of other threads... I just want things to be clear that the 'Friend' I speak about currently in other threads is not the same friend I am talking about here in this thread.****

Last edited by Awesome84; 15th June 2009 at 4:25 PM..
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Old 16th June 2009, 3:36 PM   #6
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Thank you all for the kind words.

It's hard. I think what makes it harder is that we had sex a couple times over the past year and a half...
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Old 16th June 2009, 4:56 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mint_tea View Post
I think what makes it harder is that we had sex a couple times over the past year and a half...
Yep. That is what happened to me too! If it was me...... I'd dump him as a friend.... but that could be because I am a mean b**ch now cause of all the crap I've gone through. Only reason why I can be friends with the friend I speak of is because we are in two different states now.

I'd let him know... 'so I'm good enough to sleep with but I'm not good enough to be with...but you still wanna be my friend.... um yea... FU!!!!'

Unless you like the FWB situation. But I'm guessing you don't since you are heartbroken.
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Old 17th June 2009, 11:11 AM   #8
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For him to sleep with you and string you along that way...ouch. Take some time for yourself and don't include him in your life for a while. If he asks, tell him you need space. Take as much as you need. Start paying attention to other guys your interested in, if they should appear. The best thing would probably be to try and let the friendship fade away all together. Because his mind is made up, making a friendship with him too difficult for you, and not fair to you. Sorry this happened, must be hard!
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Old 17th June 2009, 2:51 PM   #9
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The best thing would probably be to try and let the friendship fade away all together.
As hard as it is...I agree. He's a really good friend, and it sucks to lose him - this is the guy who, when he thought I might be in a rape situation, started driving an hour from his place with a baseball bat. And when my ex - his friend - broke up with me, he held me while I cried for hours.

But he really strung me along. In September he said he liked me and wanted us to be together - and then took it back. I asked him why he did that when we were talking the other night, and he said he did like me, but he was drinking, and afterward thought it was a dumb thing to say. And to top it off, there's someone else he likes and I'm preventing him from being serious with this person. I was like gee, thanks :/

Quote:
Unless you like the FWB situation. But I'm guessing you don't since you are heartbroken.
I never liked it...and he KNEW it wasn't what I wanted. I guess he figured, "She must want it since it's happened a couple times."

He seems to think things are just fine and dandy because at 2 am this morning he texted me asking if I was awake, something he does a lot. I didn't answer. :/

Last edited by mint_tea; 17th June 2009 at 3:01 PM..
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Old 17th June 2009, 7:42 PM   #10
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Definitely sounds like a guy that cares for you a lot as a person. I say keep ignoring him. In time, you will either be moved on or he will realize what he lost, but you shouldn't count on the latter...there is only 1 way he can have you, period. I say that because you don't want FWB or just friends - leaving only 1 happy option for you. He won't realize this if you also pretend like it's "fine and dandy". He's happy with half of you but your not happy, so try to start the process of healing while you can.

Good luck, it won't an easy thing to get through, but you will.
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Old 17th June 2009, 11:41 PM   #11
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He just texted me again...I asked a friend whether I should ignore him and she said, no, or else it'll look like I have sour grapes. She said to text back, "Got a migraine, can't talk". So I did, and he said "ok" . I read your post *after* the fact and now I wish I hadn't said anything to him.

:/

Should I stop talking to him altogether?

Last edited by mint_tea; 17th June 2009 at 11:48 PM..
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Old 18th June 2009, 2:10 AM   #12
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Annnnnd he just texted me again, asking if I still have that migraine. I do, so I curtly replied, "Yes." He said, ":/ alright back to sleep then." I said, "That's the plan."

"Sorry. Night"

Why is he contacting me so much? For the last couple weeks he was distant, then the other night I tell him my feelings. They aren't reciprocated, but now he's texted me 3 times in 24 hours? Stop messing with my head, B :/
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Old 18th June 2009, 7:16 AM   #13
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Seems some guys like to mess with your head. Was a guy I liked, who I considered being a really good online friend. Not ashamed to admit we did things online. He always saw me as a friend.

I told him some really horrible things in February cause his (now ex) gf was being a complete biatch to me. He was dead to me.

In April he comes back, relation not going well. When the relation ends after a month, we mail back and forth 30- 40 times a day... yet I'm still "a friend". Not his type, but he could do those things, that makes me wonder alot. It's just as it used to be before I told him eh was dead to me, though we stopped contact again because I want to meet and get rid of w/e I'm feeling, but he doesn't see the point because I never will be more.

It hurts, cause you wanna show them how good you are, but they won't give you a chance.

Perhaps an idea to ask him why he's contacting you so much and that you need a break so you can sort out your feelings for him or so.

Good luck /hug.
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Old 18th June 2009, 9:08 AM   #14
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I am in so much pain. I want it to stop. When will "acceptance" kick in?
I'm sorry for your pain. IMO, the best way to deal with it is like he has died. No contact whatsoever, mourn the loss. Maybe in a few years when you're older, have a new and healthy relationship and are completely detached from him emotionally, you might regain a platonic relationship, if there ever really was one.

Right now, today, block his phone number and other contact methods and erase him from your life. He made a choice. That choice has consequences. He has to grow up to and understand he can't have his cake and eat it too. Good lesson in life for him.
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Old 18th June 2009, 10:38 AM   #15
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Smile u sound nice

ill not reject u my number is 07845104264 if u want 2 chat
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