Lovers then friends?

[dialated]

O.K.--a quick summary first. About 4 years ago I met a girl through a friend. I was 26 and she was 22. Immedeitly I knew this girl was special to me. When I walked into her place that 1st time I felt like I was walking into my own room. Somehow she and I started to talk after I was there with my friend and we quickly became great friends.

 

This friendship developed rapidly and beautifuly. We would find each other finishing each others sentences and kind of reading each others minds--it was almost scary. I was falling for her big time--more than a friend. At this point some of my friends assumed we were dating.

 

She got a BF and that drove a wedge between us for a few months due to my feelings for her. Eventually we started to hang out again because I valued her friendship so much. Plus, it wasn't like we had anything romantic going on at the time. So there was really no reason to be cross at her.

 

Throughout her relationship with this guy my feelings never really lessened, in fact my love for her grew and grew. It was in part due to the signals she was giving me. We never fooled around then. I am friends with many girls, so I can handle 'just friends'. Something was different here in the way we interacted though.

 

Fast Forward....this past April she and i started seeing each other, and as per a post in a different thread, we recently broke up. We broke up due to what we both want out of a relationship--I wanted a more serious relationship and she isn't ready for that emotional commitment. O.K.

 

My question , finally, is this: I find myself more upset about losing her as a friend than a lover. I am deeply upset that we didn't work out as a couple, but does that mean we cannot be friends now? I know things would have to change in our friendship for it to work, and it would take time and work on both our parts. But someone recently suggested to me that maybe our friendship could now be even stronger that we finally got the sexual tension/relationship attempt out of the way. It was always the pink elephant in the room, but now it is squashed.

 

I don't think I could just start being friends tomorrow, but I would like to hope that it might be possible, however difficult. What do you all think? Any suggestions/warnings?

 

My basic point is that it would be a real shame on both our sides to abandon the strong friendship that we have/had. Did our becoming involved sexualy ruin our friendship for good? I am not friends with other exgirlfriends, but this girl means the world to me, really.

 

But.....I still don't know how I would deal with the physical urges I might have when around her if we went back to being friends, or how I would respond (or she) when one of us started to date someone else.....Can you ever go back?

[Tony T]

Two people in this circumstance can remain excellent friends if they can be mature and rise above the petty BS.

 

The break up seems to be for a good reason. With that out of the way, I see no reason you can't, over time, forge a friendship.

 

However, I think you are fooling yourself. You really want more than a friendship from this lady and she knows that. You need some time to pass and you need to find other love interests. When that has happened she will feel lots more comfortable being your buddy.

 

So agree with her to let a little time pass, be big about this, get rid of your romantic feelings for her, and things can work out just fine.

 

There aren't too many people who are able to pull this off...but, if you can do it, more power to you.