Tried to find closure with a friend but didn't.

[dd]

Ok, this is confusing. I am 34 and found a guy who I was completely best friends in High School. I did like him in 8th grade but he did not even know I existed. In 9th grade I was interested in other guys. He sat in back of me and always bugged me for school stuff. Then when we left Jr. High, he got in contact with me, but we went to different schools. We became really good friends. I did not really have any feelings for him because we always talked about other stuff and gave me advice on the guys that I used to like which in reality his advice did not work. One day he had the guts to tell me that he liked me. I of course was not ready to take our friendship to another level. I wasn't sure and I was kind of scared. I told him that it was the wrong timing. He never used the proper approach.

 

After that I started to come to terms that maybe something could happen between us, but he started acting like a jerk. Realizing this years later it was because I rejected him and he was taking it out on me. He though disappeared.

 

Throughout these 18 years, I had missed him, I had always wondered what happened to my friend, what has he been doing and what would it be like talking to him and finding out what really happened between us.

 

Well last year in October, I managed to find him in a popular website. He was sooo happy to talk to me. He told me everything that had happened to him and stuff that he has never told anybody at all. In addition to that after me he met someone and got married at a young age, they had a son together which was very ironic. We did express our feelings to one another on how we felt, what went wrong etc. We did meet which was very awkward, but managed to stay friends.

 

At that time I was married and having problems with my husband who him and I are now separated and in the process of getting divorced. My friend is also married now and is having issues with his wife, which in reality do not have anything to do with one another. When he found out I got separated, he started calling me to find out if I was ok.

 

Since then we've been talking on a daily basis as friends and at times we do flirt. I know that he is married and is having issues, I know it is bad. But I really want to find out how he feels about me. I give him hints on how I like him, he responds at times and then at times he doesn't.

 

What should I do. Should I continue talking to him, despite my feelings for my best friend. I have been separated for about 4 months now and am starting to get out into the scene again. But I think about this guy everyday, talk to this guy everyday. I don't want to confuse him more than I am confused now. In addition to that though I don't want to get hurt nor rejected because I have been rejected by guys when I do express my feelings for them.

 

Please help me.

 

DD

[Tony T]

Neither of you are ready for anything heavy duty. Both of you are in relationship difficulties...he is still with the lady he's married to.

 

You need to stop talking to him, heal from your divorce and move on with your life. Chances are it would never work with him anyway. Everything about him is what you have conjured up in your mind and is not based on reality. The fact of the matter is you have absolutely no idea that once he is divorced and over it that the two of you would be compatible. Itg's been a very long time since you were around him at school and even then things between the two of you weren't so great.

 

It is unrealistic to expect anything more than a friendship here. You are emotionally vulnerable now. I would suggest you play things cool and not get serious with anybody until you are totally over your previous relationship.

 

Little by little, get out and meet people and move on from there. If in the distant future this guy is divorced and ready for a relationship and you are still free, you could explore the possibilities...but don't expect anything major there. You are living way in the past with this one.

[velvet]

I would imagine that his wife knows nothing about you. Wonder how she would feel when she finds out her husband is calling another women everyday. I sure wouldn't want my man doing sneaky things as that.

 

You should break it off. Let him decide on what he wants to do with his life without any pressure from you. If he wants a divorce let him decide to that before making your r/s with him any more complicated.

 

Its hard to just stay friends when attraction and that sort of nature is in the way. Looks like your choice wont feel easy but the best thing to do is leave them alone. Let him contact you when he wants to say hello. Its a border line affair.