Ally Boo Posted August 29, 2002 Share Posted August 29, 2002 Ok so my ex bf, Michael, wants to be friends. I'm finding that really hard bc his feelings keep getting in the way. My other ex bf, Steven, says we are friends and cooled things off to see if there is anything left and we can go anywhere with it...then he tells me he loves me when he left...he said it slipped. Steven is also wanting to be my roommate. I have loved Steven more than anything, he was less than good to me, and I was less than good to him. We basically just beat our relationship out like a dead horse until finally I broke up with him, moved in with Michael, and the rest is history. Anyway, Steven and I have talked about things, and he says I'm the only one he's sleeping with...and I told him well, if he moved in he can't be sleeping with anyone in my house...he acts like its no biggie, he wouldn't anyway. And I know what would happen. We'll end up sleeping in the same bed, probably getting back together. I guess what I'm wondering is....is it possible to be friends with an ex? I mean, obviously, I can't have Steven move in and be friends with Michael. But should I just take all this stuff half heartedly with Steven? Is it even a good idea to consider him moving in? If he does move in, there will be some ground rules about bills. Link to post Share on other sites
jimthzz Posted August 29, 2002 Share Posted August 29, 2002 I don't know why I feel confessional here today, but here goes. I'd broken up with a woman after three stormy years. At some point we started being friends again but with no sex. Then we started to be intimate again, but she was all into "safe sex" so all we did was masturbate each other as 'friends". Then it kinda progressed to her and I being fascinated with watching me solo or me watching her solo. I never told anyone of this quirky friendship, but boy did she! What is it about women and telling every intimate detail of their sex lives to other people? This is the embarassing part. Everyone of her girlfriends knew of the mutual wanking sessions. they told their boyrfriends or husbands, etc. It became such a thing that the ladies would grin when either of us got in a room with them. The upshot is that the two of us had managed to be fine with this quirky friendship, but the wider world was not. I finally moved on, I couldn't handle the teasing! Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted August 30, 2002 Share Posted August 30, 2002 I would consider having a female move in over an ex boyfriend. If your asking others if it would be a good/bad idea than you should probably leave him alone. Not being sure of him living with you is all the answer you need. Two years ago I got into my own house. My boyfriend was fresh into a separation from his wife had to move back in with his family for awhile. He had asked if he could live with me. Because I was unsure I had to say no. It was actually the best thing I could have done because for two years our r/s was just horrible. Now he has his own place and is much more happier these days since his divorce and our r/s is wonderful. Now I would say yes if he wanted to live together. I'm sure of him, so I'm sure things would not change between us. I'm confused as to why you would keep communication open with your both your ex b/f. I know its possible to keep good friendships with ex boyfriends but I always find that the attraction is still there regardless if your not dating anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
honeybee255 Posted August 30, 2002 Share Posted August 30, 2002 In my opinion, I think you should go with your gut instincts, thats what i do and i know its not the best at times because its easier to go with what your heart wants most. Is it possible for you to be friends with both ex's? seems to me you have feelings for steven right now, but if i was in that situation i would wait before i would have anyone move in and maybe wait till things cool off with micheal. I think there is nothing wrong with you seeing steven if you have feelings for him. Eventually i think once things settle down between you and micheal(like being friends) he should be able to come to grips about you seeing whomever you may want even if its another ex.. and if down the road steven moves in with you and micheal dont like it, then obviously the friendship thing didnt mean much to him...sorry your in a situation, i know it sucks..keep us posted.. Link to post Share on other sites
honeybee255 Posted August 30, 2002 Share Posted August 30, 2002 ..my mistake..i think i misinturpreted what you said about steven..i was thinking you had feelings for him, but sorry for the misperception if you dont feel that way towards him..but even if he is to live with you as friends, micheal will still have to realize its your life and your decisions..ive realized lately that you only live once Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ally Boo Posted August 30, 2002 Author Share Posted August 30, 2002 I do care for Steven very much. He's the first guy I've TRUELY cared about. He takes a shower at my house every day bc his tennis court is 2 blocks away, and he's started leaving his stuff at my house. Last night, he went out with some friends, I went out with my brother, and he called me wanting me to sleep at his house...the second time this week, bc I was closer to his house than mine. Anyway, he had been drinking, and he told me "Ally, I love you SO much. I'm gonna marry you one day, and we're gonna have 2 kids, a dog, and a fish...I wanna fish. But I swear I'm going to marry you one day." I laughed, told him he was drunk, and reminded him of the time he got really drunk and proposed to me, and asked him if I needed to get a big bucket again. He was like, no I really didn't drink that much. Well, he was acting OVERLY drunk when he was telling me that stuff and then he was acting normal the rest of the night. He has this thing about playing drunk so he can tell me how he REALLY feels and not "feel stupid." Anyway, I wouldn't mind him living with me, I really wouldn't, I just want him to respect me, and I don't want him messing around with other girls...which I don't think will happen. .....As for Michael, I talked to him yesterday and told him that we couldn't be friends, bc his feelings keep getting in the way. I can't even tell him I got a washer and dryer without him saying "Well, I guess that means I won't see you anymore." I'm just tired of that "pity me" attitude. I mean, I know I broke his heart, but he's 39 years old and if he wants to be friends, he should act like it. ughhh Anyway, he told me to call him when I'm ready....and he knows Steven might be moving in and he made it clear to me that it would be "a mistake" and assured me that it was Michael-my friend, talking. Link to post Share on other sites
honeybee255 Posted September 2, 2002 Share Posted September 2, 2002 sounds like you have your mind made up..yes being 39yrs old and playing the poor pitty me thing is ridiculous, hes a man and needs to act like one..steven sounds like a cool person and respectful to you, still be careful..but remember its your life and you do what you want, good that he knows now!! Link to post Share on other sites
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