Friendship transition with a small twist

[beaker]

Like most original posters in this forum, I'm looking to take a friendship to the next level. No big cosmic mystery there, I suppose. It happens quite often, and I've successfully made the transition in the past. The twist is that I've been down this road before -- unsuccessfully -- with the same woman.

 

I'm not a glutton for punishment, believe me. This actually makes sense, so read on.

 

Briefly, I've known this woman for about five years and we've been friends the whole time. A year-and-a-half ago I realized my feelings for her were more than friendly, and after several months of hand-wringing I got up the nerve to tell her this, and that if she was interested in moving our friendship to another level I would be open to that. This ((ahem)) did not go as well as hoped -- she was exceptionally nice about the whole thing, but revealed she had just started a relationship with another guy several days prior. I hadn't known this, so you can imagine my embarrassment! The real zinger, as it relates to this story, is that she got back to me several days later and told me she "only had or ever would see me as a friend" and she was "so sorry if she ever led me to believe otherwise." I thought it a bit weird she felt the need to explain herself, but I suppose she felt bad.

 

Her response was very unambiguous, so I took it like a man and did the sensible thing by backing right off and remaining friends on a more distant level. There was no bitterness. I finished university a year before she did (I had just finished when I asked her the first time), so this past year was spent doing post-graduate work while she completed her undergrad -- we were in the same circle of friends, but in different towns. We saw each other maybe once a month, typically in a big group. Her relationship with this other guy ended quickly, and I gradually got her more-or-less out of my head.

 

Skip to the present -- she too is finished university and has moved back home, perhaps twenty minutes from where I live. Over the past several months we've gradually begun seeing each other much more, and recently we've been going out alone -- just friendly, but just the two of us.

 

Not suprisingly my feelings for her have resurfaced -- all the qualities that initially attracted me to her are still there, after all. I would consider this a bad thing and back right off again for my own protection, but she seems much more interested in me than before -- she seems very happy whenever I come around, but nervous at the same time, and she recently told me she was up to do pretty much anything with me any time I asked. We're seeing each other a lot more than we used to, talking about things we never used to that she was probably unaware I was capable of talking about.

 

If anyone else acted this way I would think they were interested in me, and act accordingly. Certainly I'm interested. However, her statement a year ago that she would "only ever see me as a friend" is stuck in my brain. I see two possibilities, at complete opposite ends of the spectrum:

 

a) Telling her how I felt, though unsuccessful at the time, did at least succeed in kicking me out of the "friend zone", and the little seed I planted has blossomed into something larger with time (excuse the metaphor). That happened to me once, when I began dating a girl months after I had initially turned her down (though maybe this experience is affecting my judgement)

 

b) After telling me she would only ever see me as a friend, she figures I'm a "safe" guy to be friends with, much as some women form close friendships with gay men. There is zero relationship potential, so she can relax and form a friendship without worrying about leading me on. "I've told him he will only ever be a friend, so obviously he's okay with that or he wouldn't be here". Something like that.

 

Any opinions, interpretations, advice? The two possibilities are so far apart that I feel paralyzed.

 

Thanks in advance for any input!

 

P.S. This girl is exceptionally, extraordinarily nice. If she's leading me a merry chase she's unaware of it.

[yes]

All you can do is talk to her.

 

It's no good to hang around her if you've got feelings, and all she wants is a friend. Both of the options you proposed are possible... i think you should just talk to her. And act accordingly.

 

Knowing what she said, if she was interested, i would imagine she's say something to you. But, maybe she's too shy, or she thinks she can show something by her behaviour - apparently not, since u'r confused...

 

I think you'll get least hurt, whatever the scenario is, if u find out what's going on RIGHT now, before you get any deeper into this.

 

that's my view,

-yes