Kreliane Posted August 25, 2002 Share Posted August 25, 2002 I know this girl from my industrial attachment and after 4 months, I realise I started to like her. It wasn't "like at first sight" and I was initially surprised to discover my new found emotions for her because I really never expect it. I was quite excited but also a bit apprenhensive because I was kind of worried that it may be a case of infatuation rather than true feelings. I rationalise on that and decide to procrastinate revealing my feelings to her until I was sure of myself. I had no wish of hurting her feelings nor mine. Our industrial attachment has since ended and we are back to our campus for our final years. Both of us are from engineering but in different departments. As such, we do not see each other very often. At first, I thought that not seeing her everyday would make me feel less for her(a point which I'm trying to prove) but it did not. It was then I realised that it's not infatuation. I REALLY do like her. From then, I have tried to ask her out for lunch, dinner etc but it never worked out because our schedules were different. When I'm free, she's busy and so on. An important point to note here is that I always message her using mobile phone SMS. I did called her once or twice though. My intention was to ask her out so that I can tell her my feelings. Somehow I feel that I need to tell her face to face rather than to call her or email her which I feel isn't sincere. However all my attempts to "date" her have failed and I do believe that at this point, she's aware of my intention to woo her. I'm not sure why she doesn't give me a chance to meet her. Is it because I choose to message her instead of calling? Or is it because she doesn't see me as bf material? Or does she have a bf already? Or is it because my courtship is not aggressive enough? At times, I feel that I'm making her feel uncomfortable by asking her out every now and then. I feel that I'm kind of bugging her and I guess that's no way to win a girl's heart. I truly like her but I don't want to make her unhappy by causing her stress. Can anyone offer me any advice or shed me some light? Some of you may want to blast me for my lack of courage, indecisiveness and so on? I am willing to listen to all sides but please do it in a constructive way. I just want to learn from my mistakes and right things before they become out of hand. I decided to post this article after reading Andee73's problem. Though she's a lady and I'm a guy, both of us are waiting for a signal - for the other party to call. I guess it's justifiable for her to wait because she's a lady and guys are supposed to take the initiative. In my case, I'm all willing to take the initiative and has already attempted so but to no avail. I was telling myself that I should wait for her. If not, I shall not bug her. But the heart rules over my mind in this one and I find myself constantly struggling against it. I'm 24 and she's one year younger than me. Link to post Share on other sites
beaker Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 Neither I nor anyone else can read her mind, but I must say her actions indicate she's not interested. I don't mean that to sound harsh, I'm just being honest. You're right to think she's aware of your interest. If you keep messaging/calling and asking her to dinner she would have to be exceptionally thick not to at least suspect your intentions, even if she didn't wish to make any assumptions. Unfortunately the way she constantly puts you off is a pretty clear signal she's not interested. The only reason you're not seeing this is because it's not what you want to see. If she was interested, or even neutral, she could make time in her schedule to have a coffee or something, or tell you when she'll be free in future so you could co-ordinate your schedules. There's no way your schedules are permanently incompatible, no way at all. If she's never free, even after asking her half-a-dozen times (or more), then the unfortunate truth is she doesn't want to meet up with you. I know it's hard, and that you really really really like her, but there doesn't seem to be much there. You said the way your feelings have strengthened, even though you hardly ever see her, is a sign that this is not an infatuation. I would say the exact opposite. Right now your feelings for her are out of all proportion to what they should be, since she doesn't seem to have encouraged you in any particular way. On a different note, I DON'T think you've been an awful coward here. Well, maybe a little, but at least you tried to ask her out so you could have a proper talk with her. A lot of guys wouldn't even get that far. You did try (eventually), and I commend you for that, but you can't win 'em all. That's nothing to be ashamed of. Good luck to you in future. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 I think you have gone way out of your way to show her that you are intrested. Maybe she's just too busy, or she might already have a bf. You never know. She's avoiding you for a reason, so you might just wanna move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kreliane Posted August 26, 2002 Author Share Posted August 26, 2002 Thank you to both of you. Both of you have really put things in perspective for me. I think I am too emotionally attached to her and that's why I'm taking this subtle rejection quite badly. Well, I will definitely try to move on. Life's too short for me to remain stagnant at one point. But I think I should do one last thing and that is to tell her how I really feel about her. I feel that no matter what we do, we should never leave it halfway dangling in the air. And besides, there's no easy way to take a rejection. At least by doing so, I can show her that I'm not playing around with her feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted August 26, 2002 Share Posted August 26, 2002 That's very mature of you, that way you'll have closure and know you've done everything you possibly could. Link to post Share on other sites
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