holding hands

[sister]

I've known my bestfriend for 14 years and I've been in love with him for the past 4 years. Last year I told him that he was the nicest person I've ever met etc. but he didn't pay much attention to it as he was interested in another girl at that time, which I only realized later.

 

Now he is currently single. This year our families (parents) went on a holiday together. We visited a museum that was crowded and I reached for his hand in order to stay together. He held it!

 

Surprisingly we were still holding hands as the crowds had passed! On the last day of his stay, as we were being driven to the airport, I took his hand and said: Andy, I'm going to miss you so badly.'' He too gave me a sad look and said that we would write to eachother. As I took my right hand away, it was that his right hand lay on my left palm - till we got out of the car.

At the airport we gave eachother the usual cheek-kisses (parents present) and he said: ''Take Care''.

 

Did I do the right thing in the car or did I mess up? My big problem is that my crush has to work in the States for 5months and I'm suffering.What can I tell him on the phone or write to him to make him remember me during this time ? You see, his parents don't care much about him. In fact it had been their idea to send him abroad so that they can enjoy their time alone.

I want to show him that I care.

 

Please, I beg you to help me!

 

[My friend is a very shy person and so am I . Please don't ask me to tell him that I love him (or else) straight away]

[yes]

5 months is quite a while!

your feelings may change, he may change, yada yada

what i'd do is definitely keep in touch - dont say anything until he's back in your city.

then, if you still want him, show it & watch his reaction.

meanwhile while he's out of town, feel free to date other guys...

 

thats what i would do,

-yes

[Bill]

You need to even ask him if he would go out with you, as in bf gf. So far, you are only friends. It might be this way in his mind as well. You need to check if he has feelings like this for you as well. If he does, talk to him about after the 5 months, if you can see each other.

[sister]

But what kinds of things can I tell him over the phone or via

e-mail to make him ''sad'' ?

[yes]

why do you want him to be sad?!

[sister]

I want him to miss me

[Tony T]

I don't see a problem here, except you always have to make your move at a strategic time...like when he's not seeing anybody.

 

This could go either way....but if you express yourself it's likely that he will at least explore the possibilities of a relationship with you.

 

You have to talk to him some way and you should do it NOW rather than wait for him to return. He needs to know what direction you want things to go.

 

Five months is really NOT a long time when he's temporarily away. It's very doubtful he will get something going with somebody when he's only going to be there a short time.

 

But don't waste anymore time expressing to him what you would like. Go for it!!!

[sister]

Thanks a lot for the advice Tony. Do you know any nice expressions to make him feel that he's being missed over here?

I cannot be too direct and tell him that I love him over the phone because if I'm unlucky, he could get scared (remember: he's also my bestfriend) and might not write to me that often.

(Anyway, I think he likes me too, otherwise he wouldn't have held my hand for that long, don't you think?)

So, I am asking you because YOU are a boy: What are the things a girl can say to make a boy feel that he's being loved?

[velvet]

It wont be so bad just focus on other things that make you happy in the mean time. There is no use wallowing heart ache with his absence. The thought of him while he is away will make the heart grow fonder. I hope the same goes for him.

[sister]

sorry, I didn't get that?

quote: ''the thought of him while he's away will make the heart grow fonder''

[Bill]

sorry, I didn't get that?

quote: ''the thought of him while he's away will make the heart grow fonder''

 

You will love him more and more as time goes on while he is away because you are thinking about him.

[velvet]

Is that not what I said? Thanks for for doctoring it up for me Bill!

[yes]

"sister" didnt know what you meant, velvet. bill clarified. im sure some ppl on here only speak english as a foreign language, so give 'em a break ...

 

 

- yes =)

[Bill]

sorry about that velvet... I just saw her wanting an explanation. If I got it wrong... correct me. I didn't mean to offend you.

[sister]

Thank you guys!

English IS my mother-tongue, but I didn't understand why you were telling me that because I'm already madly in love with him and this love has grown within the past 4years.

I'm really going through hell without having him here and I know that there will never be anyone else I love as much.

 

Could anyone of you please give me tips on nice things to say or write to him?

[Bill]

Here's an idea. Send him a few letters. First Letter... just a paper with a big "I" on it. Next, letter "L". Next letter "O". and you get the idea.

 

Now to think about it.. 37 cents x 8 = $2.96. A costly "I love you", but a one of a kind idea! Plus, it's kinda funny, but that's just how I do things.

[yes]

my advice is not to be too much into it

if u say 'i love u' too soon or too often, it wont be as valuable

 

just let him know u miss him whenever u talk, but dont get cheesy.

 

i think bill's idea w/ I L etc is cheesy.

 

it's just a matter of taste though!

 

-yes

[aquarius]

I think you need to establish that he wants to be more than friends before you worry about telling him that you love him. Can you just ask him if he would be interested in being more than friends? There really are only 3 possible answers "yes", "no" or "maybe". If you find that he is interested in you, then you can start letting out more of your feelings about him.

[Bill]

you people really like personal attacks don't you?

 

Thanks a lot "yes"... or whoever you are. I guess i can see who the nice people are on the forum and who are the ones who can't deal with themselves so they have to attack someone to feel better about themselves. Really thanks...

[sister]

I cannot ask him if we could be more than just friends again, because I almost did that last year, when I didn't know that he was interested in another girl at that time; so it was me who made the first move. I said things like: You are the greatest person I've ever met'' , ''Only you can make me laugh'' etc.

I can't do that again - it's too cheesy.

I just don't want to be too direct.

[Ally Boo]

Well, if you don't want him to know how you feel, then just sit there and let the time go by, let your heart grow fonder, and then 3 years from now, when you have the balls to say something, and he says, "I know you wanted more, but I don't feel that way." You'll be the one sitting at home going...."OMG I just totally wasted all these years loving him without telling him, and the rejection isn't as painful as I thought it would be. I wish I would have told him sooner, so I might have been able to focus on an actual meaningful relationship, instead of being psycho over him." And then you'll be like bored because you won't have him to occupy your time by thinking about and talking about him. You'll actually have to get a life, and it will be strange, and you'll feel this sad, sickening feeling that you wasted ALL that time for nothing....waiting for him to tell you how HE feels, or to realize just how wonderful you are.

 

Lets be honest, if he wanted you, he'd have you. Most guys don't torture themselves in relationships over a girl that they want but can't tell. Most guys make them their's or move on. If he wanted you, he'd probably already be with you. So get over it and find something else to do with your time.

 

The only reason I'm being blunt about this and possibly harsh is because I did this. For 3 years I obsessed over John Waters, followed him to college and everything, and just wanted him to see that I could love him so unconditionally...but it never happened. And the above situation followed. It changed me, and for that I'm glad it happened, but I mean seriously, you feel pretty pathetic afterwards....get a hobby or something.

[sister]

In his last e-mail he wrote: I hope you'll write to me soon.

I think that's a good sign, don't you think?

 

I have planned something:

I've made a portrait of him (it looks very realistic) and I'll be sending it to him.

Isn't that a good idea?

[Ally Boo]

I give up....DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO AND DONT ASK ADVICE IS YOU ARE GONNA DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO ANYWAY LMAO

[sister]

Ally Boo, I don't know what kind of person your crush was.

And I appreciate your advice.

But there's no need to be harsh only because I am not listening to you.

My boy even admitted that he's somebody who doesn't dare to say certain things directly.

Besides, he's my bestfriend and I cannot move too soon otherwise I'll be losing a friend which is much worse than losing a boyfriend.

 

So what do you guys say about my ''gift-idea? (the drawing)''

[Ally Boo]

My intention was to not be harsh, but to tell you that we've all been typing til our fingers get blisters, and you are still going to do whatever you think anyway. Your mind seems closed. Sure, the idea sounds great...but to me, it sounds like he doesn't know what he wants, so I wouldn't expect an immediate result in your actions or change in your friendship.