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How Should I Handle This?


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[font=arial][/font][color=black][/color] :bunny:

 

Hello. I hope someone can give me some advice on my situation. There is this guy, who I knew over 2 years ago was interested but I had decided to date someone else. Well, I ran into him recently and he shows as well as his friends also say he is still interested. When I ran into him, I was in the middle of a break up and he knew that I couldn't get involved at that point. Well, I made it clear I am no longer with the other person. He as a friend rarely initiated calls or emails but would return them. Well since we kept in touch as friends, I decided to take him up on the offer for a drink that he asked a few months ago. He wanted to see me that night. We had a wonderful time. 4 days went by and I got no call. I ran into him at a bar we sometimes frequent and as always, he was glued to me for the night. He lit up when he saw me. He said he would call me about doing something on Thurs. then later said he wanted to see me tomorrow, meaning yesterday and would call. I received no call. I don't know how much he drank and if he knows he said that or not. However, if he was interested I though maybe he would have called by SAt. to say he was heading to the club and see if I was going or say he had a good time. I mean, I finally kissed him after the two times in the past I rejected them because I was with someone-I would not cheat. Now he should know I am interested -he knows I am unattached. I know he is very busy with his job but I don't want to be pushy. What do I do if I don't hear from him? I thought since he was older, he wouldn't play games.

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Because he never came out to tell YOU how he felt, makes me wonder if maybe he's just really shy. Just play it cool. Don't fret about it. I don't know what kinda person you are, but I let the guys do all the work. Just don't call him, or go out of your way to talk to him and let him come to YOU. And if he doesn't, maybe talk to those friends you talked to before and find out what's up. And if after a few weeks nothing happens, there's your answer....he ain't worth your time. So move on...

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Thanks Ally for your advice. You know my friend who knows he and I said he may be shy too. However, I find it hard to believe because he isn't when he is around me. But I also don't know his past as far as relationships exept I do know when I see him and I heard even at a recent wedding, he was alone. Didn't seem to be into anyone else that I could tell. I don't know for sure. I am in my late 20's and he in his late 30's. He is very well educated yet very fun. I don't want to have to make all the moves like you said though. So I guess if I don't hear from him first, don't contact him? What if I see him out?

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Yeah don't call him or contact him. If you see him out, maybe smile at him and wait for him to approach you. YOU are the prize here, not him....let him run after you and capture you.

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O.K, but maybe I shouldn't be as receptive to him like when he tries to kiss me anymore.

 

Thanks.

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The trick is to be NICE. It's a really hard balance. Be receptive of anything he does, just not overly eager or excited....but yet, don't try to act like you are too good and not impressed, you know what I mean??

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So it would be o.k. to let him kiss me and go with it? Should I make a light hearted comment about not hearing from him such as looking at his fingers and smiling and say" well I see they aren't broken" or email him after Thurs. and just say "times up" and if he askes what it means just say I was disappointed that I didn't hear from you. Do you remember you said you were going to call by Thurs"?

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Don't go out of your way to do anything. The thing YOU need to realize is that you are gonna be fine with or WITHOUT him. You don't NEED him or anyone. So just go on about your life and don't worry about it. It's the indifference that will probably help you with him. If you see him, you could say something, but DON'T email him! He said what he said, and even if he doesn't remember saying that, you should be on his mind enough for him to want to call anyway. That's why you gotta play it cool, so he'll wonder what's up with you and why YOU haven't called....then YOUR phone will ring. Get it?? :)

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He doesn't sound man enough. Just go out and have a good time when you run into him. Don't kiss him anymore. If he cant pick up the phone and ask you out he is not worth kissing or even thought about.

 

A real man would have called when he said he would. Would have taken you out at least twice by now.

 

He seems like he is really into the bar/club scene. That is the last place to ever get involved with somebody. Its a meat market.

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Will you play games?

 

how do we draw the line between the chasing & responding to the needs of our partners?

 

Because its so hard to balance? and as ally as was saying how do you let your man chase you at the same time w/o being too selfcentered w/ a man?

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Thanks everyone for your input. It is so difficult for me to figure him out. I have known him since 2 years ago and he was always really fond of me yet back then when I found out he initially was interested, he seemed shy around me. He asked my friend to give me his number back then. I was a little annoyed at that initially because I thought he should have directly asked for my number. All she said was that he was shy. Yet, after all that time, even though we only recently ran into each other in March, he shouldn't and doesn't seem so shy around me anymore. I don't know if he is just a player or if he genuinely is interested. He only initiated a phone call once. He will always respond to mine but I don't feel I should be making all the effort that's for sure. I think if I don't hear from him-which I am not holding my breath, if I see him I will be cordial but cool in the sense of not responding to him trying to kiss me or anything. Maybe light-heartedly let him know how nice it was of him not to call when he said he would so he gets the picture. I don't want to play games-I am very straight up. You would think since he is older, he would be more mature but I guess they never grow up. I am really tired of the games. Then again, I don't know if he is leary because I just got out of a relationship either. I wish I knew what to think. All I do know is he isn't acting interested enough for me and I don't want to burn my bridges so I think there is a fine line between not being a bitch, being pleasant , yet being a bitch by a suttle way of making it known he screwed up!

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Yep, he's shy. A shy guy can kinda be annoying, so if you don't wanna put up with his wackiness, then get rid of him. Bc it will dictate more of his behavior.

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So you really think it is shyness? Is that something that he will overcome in time though or do most guys just end up acting just as wacky and nothing will develope. Geeze, I feel as if I never dated before! I just got out of a 21/2 year relationship but I feel like I forgot how to date!

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You ARE kinda learning how to date again. Yeah I think he's gonna keep being shy, so unless you just wanna make the moves and chase him, then leave him alone. BC I dont think he'll overcome it anytime in the near to distant future.

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Yeah, it seemed the only time he overcame his shyness was when he had a few drinks. You would think though, since after all this time now that he has the chance with me, he would make himself get over it and not lose me this time! How confusing. I think I will just join the convent.

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He probably was chasing you when you were with someone bc it was safe for him, and he didn't have to do anything or worry about anything...just love you from afar. Now that you are single he's probaly like OMG what do I do now. He isn't much of a man, if you ask me.

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I think though, he is old enough to know what moves to make. By now, he has no reason to be shy any more around me and doesn't seem shy when he is with me anymore. I tend to wonder-who knows if he is with someone else and thinks of me as some playful toy he can hang out with when he sees me or its convenient for him. It could be a lot of different things I guess-bottom line is he isn't calling. I guess I was right when I said anyone who is his age and still not settled probably is a player and has commitment issues. I tried not to stereo type but that is all I am beginning to think. One of my friends said maybe he just liked the chase because I was with someone else and maybe I should mention my ex is trying to get back with me. However, I think that could possibly back fire too. I am not sure. I don't like games either.

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You know I am so tongue and cheek and always have to say what's on my mind but that isn't always good I guess. I am still torn between do I just wait to see if I run into him on the weekend and play it cool, let him come to me but if he tries to be affectionate just lightly say something about his promise to call but then what if I don't run into him? Or email him on Friday and simpy say "what's up? I thought you were going to call me about doing something Thurs?" as I would normally as friends but then what if he doesn't come in on Friday to get the email since sometimes he takes that day off? Call and l/m? I don't know. It stinks that I have always liked him alot and can't figure out how to play it without burning my bridges. It really bothers me. THen my ex keeps emailing and calling to harrass me and I am under so much stress. He is another story. I had to end it with him because he just didn't have his life together and he had a bad temper. I really feel so depressed about all this.

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You know I think I am just going to be straight with him. I am not going to play games. I don't hear from him then I call and say hey what's up I thought you wanted to get together this week but I didn't hear from you. You said you were going to call. Screw it! I am not playing games. If he doesn't call-I have my answer-he's playing around. If he does, time to lay it all out and ask about his personal life-I am starting to wonder if since he lives quite a distance away, if he is married or has a serious girlfriend -like another life for all I know- I don't know his deal like if he was ever married or anything-guys can be quite sneaky and they get better the older they get. Or should I say dumber but just more brazen. (no offense to any guys reading this-I am really resentful though). I especially don't trust older guys. I tend to wonder though.

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You are wising up....I'd just let him do the work...if he doesn't call, then it's his loss and he better have a good excuse IF he ever calls. And if he does, you make him work like hell to try to get you back to the point with him that you are now. You gotta let them work, so they'll know you are worth it.

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No, if it will make you feel better do it, but I don't think it's gonna make the possibility of there ever being anything between you any greater, but you never know.

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