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Making an old friend a new love


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I recently decided to try and locate a woman whom I had been hopelessly in love with in high school (I'm 32 now). I never told her how I felt back then and we were always just very good friends. Unfortunately, our friendship just kind of disappeared when I left for college and she stayed in our hometown. We lost contact and though I tried to look her up a couple of times, I never found her. This time I found an address (no phone or e-mail) and decided to send her a letter - I doubted that she'd even remember me after 13 years, but I had to take the chance. Much to my surprise she called me and remembers me quite well. We talked for over an hour that day and when she told me she had a boyfriend (whom she's lived with for the last 3 years) I admitted to being disappointed. For whatever reason that didn't bother her and when I offered to take her out for lunch she accepted (after all those years we ended up in the same town - not our original hometown). The minute I saw her again, my heart skipped a beat - she still has a smile that makes me weak in the knees. We had lunch and I made several rather bold statements to make certain she knew how I felt and that I intended to win her heart. Nothing seemed to scare her, she just seemed totally comfortable with anything I said. Even when I told her that I wasn't going to let her get away this time, she simply said she'd hold me to that. She filled me in on everything that had happened in her life but said almost nothing about her boyfriend. There's no doubt that she knows I want to be much more than just a friend and she doesn't seem to be discouraging me. However, she also doesn't seem to be putting forth an effort to stay in contact with me. She tells me she'll call, but also says to call her if I haven't heard from her in a certain time frame. It's always me calling after that time frame passes. She's said other things to give me hope, but the phone call thing is a bit discouraging. When I call her she never seems annoyed and never gets short with me or anything, I just don't know how to get her to call me. After all these years, I'm still head-over-heels in love with her, I'm just confused as to where she stands.

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There are probably a thousand other guys whose hearts skip a beat when they see this lady and get weak in the knees when she smiles at them. She seems very nice, easy to get along with, kind, understanding, etc. BUT she also has a boyfriend and she's not planning on leaving him.

 

There are ladies like her out in the world and you can spot them immediately. They're not bad people, they're not players, they're just naturally flirtatious in a way which seems harmless to them. They are very positive and they never say discouraging words to anybody. Everything she told you came from her heart, but that's the way her heart is wired. If four other guys had lunch with her in the same week and told her the same thing, her response would be the same. She probably also didn't believe you were serious in what you were saying...because she wasn't serious either. What you said and did was pretty bizarre, showing up 13 years later with all this romantic mumbo jumbo...knowing she's living with a guy.

 

She's in a relationship and will have no respect whatsoever for you for interfering with that. However, she won't tell you because, again, she's very positive and has a bubbly, sweet personality. That's why all the guys, julst like you, have been after her for years. She's used to dealing with guys like you and she's probably found that men are far less agressive if she flirts and plays along than if she flat out tells them to get lost. Men find that way too much of a challenge.

 

Why don't you forget the past like most sane people and look for a gal in the present, one who not only has the qualities that you admire in a woman but who is not dating anyone and who is open to seeing you and exploring a relationship? Yes, it's work but you seem rather willing to do what it takes given your investigation of this old flame's whereabouts.

 

I'd love to tell you this lady was going to leave her guy tomorrow and take up with you forever but that's not the case. Turn off your computer, take a cold shower, get Scotty to beam you out of Fantasy Land, and get a good grasp of reality. I won't deny that living in Fantasy Land is really nice but it won't get you anywhere except in make believe.

 

There are wonderful ladies out there waiting for a guy like you. Go find them. And not one of them has been living with a man for three years.

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