Transition lover to friend

[tabstar]

History:

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3.5yrs. During that time, she has been attending university and doing extremely well. I have encouraged through this period as I have finished my degree and now working full-time. She is very focused on her school and at times our relationship took the back seat. But during the summer, we would make up for lost time and it was fabulous!

We have discussed, casually, in the past that we would need time apart, to experience what life has to offer before we could "take the next step". A couple weeks ago, we had a heart-to-heart and she told me that she is ready for that "time-apart" but hopes we can still be good friends. She has been thinking of this for weeks, but never expressed this until our talk. This is normal as she was never one to express her thoughts and emotions often. I know that we need this time apart as our relationship had it's share of ups and downs. She has said that mentally, she can picture us spending 6mths - year apart and then re-kindling something later on. My problem is I have a very difficult time letting go. I am completely in love with her and was completely caught off guard. How can I maintain a friendship with her and picture her with other men at the same time? On the other hand, I don't want to completely lose touch and not talk to her at all as she is my best friend. We have a lot of fun when we go out together and losing that is unimaginable. She has helped me through so much (ie. parents divorce, job stress, death of family members) as I have helped her through difficult times as well.

I am very confused. I know this is still new and things will get better, my fear is that if I don't change my attitude and convert myself from boyfriend to friend, I'll drive her away. We both are in no rush to pursue other relationships.

Any comments would be appreciated. Thank you.

[yes]

umm if u've been together for so long & everything is so good, why does she need such a huge break? she must be unhappy, right?

 

personally, it sounds like a break-up to me, and in that case, u shdnt try to stay friends but get away from her, heal, etc... u know the whole process...

 

 

just some thoughts,

-yes

[Tony T]

Sorry, guy, but this gal is trying to jerk you and your feelings over big time.

 

Have a seat while a I tell you just like it is.

 

A lady who is in love with a guy and who cares deeply for him does not need a six month to one year vacation from him. Roughly translated, her desire to have some time apart actually meant...."Let's be away from each other long enough that hopefully you'll get over me and I can get on with my life. That's a lot easier than doing the right thing and just breaking up with you cold. I would feel really bad doing that and since I'm not very good at expressing myself, it's just easier to do it this way."

 

There, I did it for her.

 

Go find a lady who loves you enough not to need a vacation from you. When space is necessary, and it always is, between two people who are fond of each other they find ways of attaining that space within the context of the relationship. They give each other space to grow as individuals while at the same time growing together as a couple.

 

I really hate to be the one to break this to you but I just hate to see you spending six months to a year as some kind of fool, trying to be a friend to her when she's just trying to dump your butt. I'd tell her to kiss off.

 

Don't trust me...ask anybody. A person who really wants a loving relationship with another person will not ask that person to get lost or "just be friends" for a year. That's a cowards way out and it stinks like hell.

 

Oh, yes, forgot to mention that it was really nice of you to take a back seat to her education. By doing that, she knows you'll also have no problem taking a back seat to her life. You were just way too nice to her. When you're in a relationship of any kind, you have got to insist on getting relationship-type warm and fuzzies out of it.

 

I don't mean to be cruel here. I've had this done to me, almost exactly. I know how it feels....it sucks!!!

[velvet]

She may be falling out of love. When you are in love with someone I would think that the thought of loosing them for 6 months or longer would feel traumatic. A few days sure! A few months? Well thats a break up for me.

[tabstar]

Thank you for telling me like it is. One of the big reasons why we have discussed "time apart" is that we are both rather inexperienced when it comes to "partners". I have been with two people as she has only been with one. We both felt time apart was necessary in order to "sow our wild oats".

You all have opened my eyes, I realize I was being too nice. Friends have been telling me, but when your in love, those stupid blinders you end up wearing, you are sometimes unable to see this.

I know this break was necessary and trust me when I say, I have absolutely no intentions of waiting for her during our time apart. I will be out having a good time and what ever happens, happens. In fact I've been doing more socializing than she has and it feels good. I was hoping that these feeling I have toward her would just disapprear, but in order for that to happen, time apart is a necessity. I know what I have to do but it's tough doing it.