Is he interested?

[Kelly]

Well, I know this guy from class. We don't really talk and I think he is cute. So, I told him I liked him so he would talk to me more often to see if he is interested in me as I am with him. Well, when I did that he seemed interested and told me that he wanted to get to know me better (we're upper classmen in high school) I thought "cool, the guy I like is somewhat interested." Since we didn't talk much I started to get out of my way to talk to him. One time we were having a pretty long conversation, and he still seemed interested but he never did ask for my number or asked me out somewhere, but he said "yeah, we'll hang out sometime." But when a friend was talking to him and asked him what he thought of me, he said that he just didn't think we would click. The girl was like "that's nonsense, ask her out, get to know her. He said "Well, I don't want to lead her on,and what if she tries to kiss me?" she said that he didn't know what to do, and that it seemed to him that i just said things to please him, or like that I would do anything to get a guy. For example saying "yeah i like football." Whenn i don't really. I know im not that type of person. Atleast i don't think so. I think he needs to get to know me a little better before saying that I'm... fake. I'm a bit insulted. I know he's attracted to me physically, because he has said that. Not to my face, but to my friends. So... what's the problem? I just don't know whether if he likes me or if he just wants to be friends or if i should just forget about the loser. What did he mean by all that and all of his actions?

[clia]

He means he's not interested. He's had ample opportunity to ask you out or get your number and he hasn't. That means he's not interested. Your friend point blank asked him what he thought of you and he said he didn't think you clicked. That means he's not interested. Regardless of whether he's right or not, he's not interested, and doesn't seem to have any interest in trying to find out if he's wrong. Being attracted to you physically is one thing; being attracted to you in other ways is another. I'll say it again, he's not interested. When guys are interested, they pursue and ask for your number. He has not done that. That means he's not interested.

 

For future reference, don't go out of your way to talk to a guy. If he really wants to meet you, talk to you, and get to know you, he will make sure to track you down. Guys don't like to be chased. I guarantee that the girl he is interested in likely doesn't chase him down and force conversations. Don't rationalize anything or make excuses for him in your head. (We gals love to do this. As in "Oh, he hasn't asked me out because..." FILL IN THE BLANK) Doesn't work that way. If he liked you, he would have asked you out, asked for your number, or any of the above.

 

I also think it very classy of him not to lead you on since he knows you like him. (Oh, and don't ever just tell a guy you like him unless he's your boyfriend. You took any level of challenge out of it when you did that. Guys like a challenge. You should have just dressed cute and been super friendly and flirty around him. That would have been enough. You don't have to spell it out for them.) I don't think he's a loser at all. I don't think he's been leading you on or being mean. You have forced these interactions. Your friends have forced him into a corner. (Don't do that either--it comes off as very immature.) He hasn't done anything except respond honestly. He's just not interested in you.

 

Sorry to sound harsh. If I would've realized this stuff in high school I would've saved myself a lot of grief!

Well, I know this guy from class. We don't really talk and I think he is cute. So, I told him I liked him so he would talk to me more often to see if he is interested in me as I am with him. Well, when I did that he seemed interested and told me that he wanted to get to know me better (we're upper classmen in high school) I thought "cool, the guy I like is somewhat interested." Since we didn't talk much I started to get out of my way to talk to him. One time we were having a pretty long conversation, and he still seemed interested but he never did ask for my number or asked me out somewhere, but he said "yeah, we'll hang out sometime." But when a friend was talking to him and asked him what he thought of me, he said that he just didn't think we would click. The girl was like "that's nonsense, ask her out, get to know her. He said "Well, I don't want to lead her on,and what if she tries to kiss me?" she said that he didn't know what to do, and that it seemed to him that i just said things to please him, or like that I would do anything to get a guy. For example saying "yeah i like football." Whenn i don't really. I know im not that type of person. Atleast i don't think so. I think he needs to get to know me a little better before saying that I'm... fake. I'm a bit insulted. I know he's attracted to me physically, because he has said that. Not to my face, but to my friends. So... what's the problem? I just don't know whether if he likes me or if he just wants to be friends or if i should just forget about the loser. What did he mean by all that and all of his actions?

[Bill]

No, he is absolutely not interested. If I had a girl ask me out, I'd be there. Then again I'm a guy who hates sports (watching them). I do like to play hockey though.

 

Anyway, this guy is a L-o-s-e-r. What guy in his right mind would deny being asked out by a girl he finds attractive. There's no reason for that. I'd kill for that to happen! I've always done the asking, but if a girl asks.. that should be a definate thing. Now ask yourself, what is wrong with this guy?

 

Well, I know this guy from class. We don't really talk and I think he is cute. So, I told him I liked him so he would talk to me more often to see if he is interested in me as I am with him. Well, when I did that he seemed interested and told me that he wanted to get to know me better (we're upper classmen in high school) I thought "cool, the guy I like is somewhat interested." Since we didn't talk much I started to get out of my way to talk to him. One time we were having a pretty long conversation, and he still seemed interested but he never did ask for my number or asked me out somewhere, but he said "yeah, we'll hang out sometime." But when a friend was talking to him and asked him what he thought of me, he said that he just didn't think we would click. The girl was like "that's nonsense, ask her out, get to know her. He said "Well, I don't want to lead her on,and what if she tries to kiss me?" she said that he didn't know what to do, and that it seemed to him that i just said things to please him, or like that I would do anything to get a guy. For example saying "yeah i like football." Whenn i don't really. I know im not that type of person. Atleast i don't think so. I think he needs to get to know me a little better before saying that I'm... fake. I'm a bit insulted. I know he's attracted to me physically, because he has said that. Not to my face, but to my friends. So... what's the problem? I just don't know whether if he likes me or if he just wants to be friends or if i should just forget about the loser. What did he mean by all that and all of his actions?

[midori]

He's not interested. No if's, and's or but's. He actually said to your friend, "...what if she tries to kiss me?"??? Yikes. Short of walking up to you and saying, "I'm not interested in you," he couldn't have been more clear.

 

The general consensus seems to be that guys don't like to be chased. That may be true, although I don't think that means you have to wait for a guy to ask you out. There's nothing wrong with subtly indicating that you are interested in a guy. Subtle being the operative word. And hey, it's not just guys that don't like being blatantly pursued. Think about it: if you were already aware of and interested in a guy that you didn't know very well, you'd pick up on any subtle signals he sends to you that he might be interested. He wouldn't need to make things terribly obvious. On the other hand, if a guy you haven't really been aware of suddenly makes his interest in you known in a very aggressive and unrelenting way (having his friends ask you about him, telling you point blank that he's interested in you, creating opportunities to talk to you, etc.) you would probably be turned off. Right? I'm afraid that's what you have done. Too much, too fast.

 

The key is to be cued into the other person. Are you interested in him, or are you interested in making him like you? If it's the former, you'll pace things accordingly, you'll hear what he's saying, what he's not saying. You won't try to overwhelm him, give him nowhere to run. He does have a choice in this, you know. An initial indication that he might like to get to know you a bit does not require him to ask you to the prom. Nor even to ask you out next weekend. What's the rush?

 

Back off from this guy. If the damage already done isn't irreparable, you definitely need to give it time and space to smooth over. Don't give him the cold shoulder and try to make him feel guilty -- he's got nothing to be guilty about. But don't keep trying to engage him in conversation. Be a friendly presence on the periphery of his life, which doesn't even mean saying hello everyday. Don't force him to interact with you, unless you want to convince him all the more that he's not interested in you. If anything more is ever going to happen, it needs to come from him at this point. And if he does nothing, you haven't lost anything because a guy who isn't sure he wants to be talking to you or hanging out with you, is a guy who shouldn't be talking to you or hanging out with you. You might think that the two of you would be great together. But he's half of the equation and if he doesn't think so then it's not going to happen. Sucks, but it's true in high school, and it's true a decade later (as I've learned, repeatedly). Don't let it get you down.

[velvet]

I was out one night. One of my friends, hes a big dude he kind of keeps his eye on me when we go out for any tifts and things of that nature. We were having a conversation, (hes also engaged to my cousin) and I pointed out a guy that I thought was hot. He said go over there and tell him you like him becuase guys love that stuff. I thought about it, realized hes right. I love it when a guy tells me he likes me so why not say something first, if he doesnt respond it would be no big deal. I did, I walked up to him put my hand on his back and said hey I like you. We hit it off!

 

This dude you mention is not interested. In the future he may just realize how cool you are and try to ask you out. He may have his sites on someone elese right now and it could be only a matter of time for him to get shot down before he starts showing you attention. Or he may have his mind made up and not give you what you want.

 

I wouldnt go thinking about him anymore, but just play cool with him. Let him know you can be a cool chick to hang with if the time arises. Dont smuther him with your friendship. But if you see him while walking the halls, just nod your head at him and say hey man whats up when you walked passed him.