Why is it so complicated?

[bobelok]

Here's my story.

 

I've known this girl for about 9 months. We're very close friends. When we first met, I would have never thought of dating her, becuase she had a long term bf of 2 1/2 years. Well, they broke up last November, and this January we started dating. After 3 weeks she broke up with me with very little explanation. For the past 2 months our friendship has gotten a lot stronger, but at the same time we would occasionally fool around. Everything was almost exactly like we were dating, except that she kept telling me that she did not want to be my girlfriend, becuase she did not know what she wanted. All the same time, she had been talking to her ex on-and-off, though she had no intention of getting back together with him. She had broken up with him in the first place because he had been treating her bad for months.

 

Well, today she mentioned to me that they were in fact getting back together. After not speaking to him for 3 weeks, he stopped by her place, and apparently said the magic words, because they almost immediatley got back together. Our relationship is strong enough that I know we'll remain close friends, but I'm also heart-broken. She had told me just 3 days before how she was finally starting to get over him, and how she 'hated' him. But suddenly he comes over and they're back together like that.

 

The only other thing I can mention is that, yes, they were in love. They dated for 2 years. But I can't help but sense that she is looking for someone to love her, and that she feels most comfortable with him because they were together so long. On multiple occasions she would mention to me that she didn't know what she wanted right now, but that she was lonely. I'm afraid that he's playing on her weakness, and she is going back to what is familiar to her. She wants to start her life over again, and she's already been so successful by giving up smoking. But I'm afraid that he's going to draw her back down to his kind of life again, which she doesn't like anymore. He told her that he has changed, and that things will be different from now on. But just 3 weeks ago she told me how he'd gotten even worse, and how he was spiraling down out of control.

 

I just think that things are going to go back to the way things were, but that she's going to stay with him because she 'loves' him, and she doesn't know anything different. Mind you, she is a very smart girl, but at the same time I feel that she is putting too much into her 'love' for him, and not logically thinking things through like she should.

 

I know that it sounds like I'm the jealous ex, just trying to get back with her again, but I'm not. I do care about her a lot, but the only thing I'm looking for here is to try and not let her get hurt again.

 

I suppose what I'm asking is, am I over-reacting? I know that love can be a powerful thing, but I've also seen people go through hell just because they 'love' the person, or the person 'loves' them or whatever. I'm just looking out for her as best I can, but I don't want to control her life. Any comments or whatever you might wanna say would be awesome. Thanks.

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "I suppose what I'm asking is, am I over-reacting?"

 

You bet you are. The way she decides to run her personal life is absolutely NONE of your business...so butt out. It's nice that you care about whether or not she gets hurt but beyond that, you need to live your own life.

 

This girl broke up with you after only THREE weeks. She is in love with this other guy and it could take years before she is creamed and splattered enough to call it quits with him.

 

Do yourself a favor. Stop worrying about her life and go find a nice girl who is not just out of a long term relationship and a girl who wants to be with YOU!!! Stop wasting valuable time you will never get back.

 

As of this minute, resolve yourself to stay out of all matters that are not yours to be concerned about. If you spend your life worrying about whether or not other people get screwed over in love or in any other way, you're in for a very pathetic life!

 

Other people are in charge of taking care of themselves...unless they ask for your help and you're willing to give it. And don't forget, you aren't even obligated in any way if they ask.